[michsm]

I accepted placement today of an 8yr old girl with RAD, among other things.

I don't have any experience with RAD and most stuff I have found online deals with infants/toddlers or you need to buy the book. I am hoping the honeymoon period will be long so I have time to read some of these books.

I am looking for any advice anyone is able to give. I am just not sure what to be expecting.

[scandi]

Here's to hoping you have a long honey moon but don't bank on it. I would suggest that at the beginning the structure and consistency. As much as you can put into place because you can always back off later on but you can never get it back if you don't have it. RAD kids are very hypervigilant and will watch your every move to find your weakness to exploit it. They are master manipulators and very sneaky. The lies will drive you nuts. (usually the only time they actually look you directly in your eyes)

Besides that - have fun and enjoy. Kids are Kids and they like to play and have fun. My boys are very creative and have a great imagination.

The structure I have in place - because of their needs has gotten me comments from others esp. my mom but they don't live with my boys I do.

It is also important to remember that not everything is RAD - some of it is normal behavior. Many RAD kids are delayed developmentally so at their dev. age they are being normal but at the chrono age they are not. It is a fine line.

good luck and have fun with your foster daughter

[lucyjoy]

Children with Rad generally don't sleep in new places for a good deal of time. It's exhausting, so I suggest putting an alarm on her door so you know where she is at night. The alarm also helps the child to know that no one can sneak up on her and hurt her at night.

Don't put too many things in her room in the beginning. Many times they just destroy them, but also, I've found mine had trouble if there were too many things to take care of. They often saved weird things like bags of trash from the kitchen or old food boxes. Less in their room made it easier to check for such things to avoid bugs or mice invading your home.

Be sure the boundaries are clear and that ALL rule breaking is consequence with natural or logical consequences. Children with RAD need to test their parents to see if they mean what they say and are safe. If you let little things slide, they will need to do bigger things to test you.

Find things to do that encourage positive touch and eye contact. Hair brushing, singing silly songs, cooking together(especially with messy foods)

I also had to teach my children with RAD how to play with toys. Getting down on the floor and playing along is good for the child both in modeling play with others and in helping them connect with you.

Be sure to establish good communication with teachers. Triagulating between adults is something children with RAD do very effectively. They tell mom the teacher picks on them and the teacher that mom starves them-stuff like that. If there is good communication, mom or teacher can check out such stories stopping the child from using this tactic(which makes the child feel safer both places)

There is a lot to read. If I were looking for a place to start, I'd start with Greg Keck's Adopting the Hurt Child. It does a good job of explaining the motivation behind strange behaviors and what one might see.

Good luck!

[Sheriv]

It's been awhile since you made this post, how are you surviving? Did you get through the books? As a parent of a Radish...I know that every situation is different and while there are similarities survival depending on your tolerance level will also be different....... I'd love to respond to you now after you've been in the situation for a while.

I hope your doing okay......... Parenting children in the Attachment Disorder spectrum is extremely challenging.