[GuatMommy2Be]

Hi everyone,

My daughter came home from Guatemala almost 4 months ago at 16 months old. I visited her two previous times prior to bringing her home. She grieved pretty hard for a week, then day by day she got better.

At one month home she regressed. She had seen three people that she hadn't seen in awhile. The very next day, she regressed. I was not able to leave her to use the downstairs bathroom, she wanted nothing to do with my husband, cried and whined for a week and a half. When I finally realized what was going on, and that this particular whine was different from the "i-want-something" I immediately began picking her up. She was fine. It took her about two or three weeks to warm back up to her Daddy.

At about 2.5ish months home she regressed again. My mother (she had not seen in weeks) picked her up and kissed her. We don't allow people to pick her up, I realize not everyone agrees with that but this is what my DH and I have chosen for our family. Later that night (before the regression began) we went out to dinner, and an older lady came up from behind her and wrapped her arms around the baby. I was stunned - this had never happened before. Surely enough, the following day, total regression. She would cry and whine for the next week+.

Now a week ago we went to my MIL's to pick something up. When we were leaving, I put the baby in her carseat, buckled her in, and before I shut the door I thought to myself "I need to lock this" because I knew my MIL would open up the door, but I didn't. (I really need to trust my gut instinct). Anyway, MIL surely enough opened the door and kissed her. The following day, regression. This time, she was pushing both DH and I away. She did not want our kisses. She usually runs aorund the house with her lips puckered for kisses! Two days later, she began pushing me away. She did not want me to comfort her when she cried (very unusual), did not want me to put her to bed, wanted absolutely nothing to do with me!

She really does not like people invading her space, and digs her nails into my arm or back if people get too close. At the same time, when we're at the park, or outside she will run to strangers. This behavior just began about two weeks or so ago.

She is usually a very happy and loving child. We co-sleep, I "wear" her when we are in public (thanks to the older lady for scaring her.. after that it was a must). We really limit people visiting with her. We did not have many visits the first few weeks home, then when she regressed we cut them completely for six weeks - she did wonderfully. We're thinking we just need to cut them off again, but for a few months so she can feel more secure with us.

Any suggestions?

[lovemy6]

You're doing everything you can be.

This MAY be a normal developmental stage. My granddaughter is the same age as your baby. We have her minimally 3-4 days a week, sometimes longer, for 24 hours long. In other words, my dd drops her off and picks her up 3-4 days later. She is VERY attached to her mom and always has be. She is also very attached to us. In the last few months, she SCREAMS and carries on when her mom leaves her. She didn't do this before. She also is refusing to give us love on our terms, but asks for loving on her terms. When dd comes to pick her up from our home, she refuses to give us hugs and kisses good-bye.

I'm really not liking this phase and can't wait until it's over. I hope your baby comes around soon!

[BeverlyZ]

How does she cope with physical contact when you are holding her? Increasing your positive cues to your daughter about physical contact with others may help her adjust. Of course you will see her comfort increase as her trust in you increases. Sounds like you are doing some great things to make this happen!

When our son came home, we debated the choice of having others hold him or not. We decided to hold him when he met new people, and I made a point to make physical contact with the other person (patting their cheek, holding their shoulder) meanwhile talking softly/soothingly and holding my son. Then, the other people held him briefly, and I was touching him the whole time (usually holding his hand). I took him back as soon as he signaled discomfort. His uncertainty was high at first but lessened over the first few months of being home.

Now we allow him to go to our family and friends w/o our physical contact. We stay within view and check with him often. He is adjusting to this well. If the contact with others is too much or if we step away from view, he will let us know during the next couple days!

[BeverlyZ]

I should add that our son would sometimes contest going to someone else... we said, "Okay, let's just talk with her." Then I continued the positive physical cues. Sometimes he would reach for that person later.