[Erin_1712]

I am not sure if this is the right forum but...

Our 32 month old son(2.5) has been with us for 8 weeks. He shuts down when you try and get him to do something. Even if he knows what you are saying. I have been helping him but making him do it and he is getting more confident. I also know he knows certain rules in our house because they have been the same rules for 6 months and he has abided by them. But lately he refuses to listen. The main one I can think of is we have a window seat with antique wood and he tries to drive his matchbox cars on it. The cars take out chuncks of wood so they are not allowed. Yesterday I am sure I reminded him of this rule 20 times and just as many times the days before. So today I started a consicquence. If the toy is on the window seat it goes in the laundry basket and does not come out until tomorrow. I will see if this works but it seems as though whenever I implement a rule and not just let him run the house he gets depressed. He will wander around with no toys looking down and sulking. Will this change and just a phase I hate feeling like I am breaking his spirit but he has to follow the rules.

[greenrobin]

I doubt you're breaking his spirit. More like bending his will to yours. All kids, foster, bio or adopted, would rather do things their way. Putting the toys in the laundry basket is a fine consequence. He can see them and knows they're still there. He gets them back to try again. I really like it.

At our house, toys that cause drama are punished by going on top of the entertainment center. This definitely makes our 2 1/2 yr old and her 4 1/2 yr old brother take notice. And, yes, they sulk. They also get over it and remember better the next time.

[mrsred]

You are not breaking his spirit, you are passing his test.
The whole long face act is just a part of the test.
You said no cars on the window seat. will you stick to your word? and then if you consequence, will you stick with that when he shows you how sad you have made him?

[Erin_1712]

i stick with the consequence no matter how sad he looks I am very stubborn and he does not get the toys back until the next day. But I just dont like seeing him like that. He ends up walking around moping but behaving which I guess is what we are going for. Yesterday just when I though he would have no toys to play with because the would all be in the basket he suddenly did not put another toy on there for the rest of the day. I guess it is working I just have to realize he is playing me and stick to my guns even more. It is nice to know I am not causing him further harm to his emotions.

[rubymama]

I strongly urge you to not view your child's behavior as anything other than fear-based. This child's life has been turned upside down. AGAIN. Imagine how it would feel if you were in a similar situation--taken from the home you knew (no matter how bad it seemed to be to you). AGAIN.

Here's a resource that I'll hope you'll take a look at: Heather T. Forbes, LCSW

Good luck!