[Erin_1712]

M is 2.5 years old and I have known him for 7 months he has lived with us for 8 weeks. Before he moved in he was on his best behaviour(no rages, ect) and we had a strong bond. Now that he has moved in and I have to deal with the rages(not so much now), the hurting himself and the day to day things he does to "get my goat" our bond seems to have vanished. Some days I cant wait until DH gets home and I can leave DS alone and basically get away from him. Sometimes I feel just as bad as his aunt who never hugged him or anything.

His behaviours that have come up are rages(which are mostly gone), scratching himself until he bleeds, picking his nose until it bleeds while in timeout, and now he can even force air through his nose in such a way that he has a bloody nose. Also he has started biting me. It is hard to want to hug a child that may bite you.

But when we go to a friends house or to the mall even though I feel the need for some space between us I hold him the whole time or am very possessive because I do not want others to pick him up ect. Because finally he is mine. This change in actions makes me believe there is a bond stillit is just under alot of pressure at home that gets pushed aside.

Also I am 8 weeks pregnant (I was told I might not be able to have children) and now I am facing another problem. Not only has a friend asked if I was going to give him back because I can have my own now. NO!!! But I am wondering if I will feel the same for both of them. If M will be pushed to the side because of the new baby and the fact that the baby does not have any attachment issues. I know I am probably being paraniod but arn't pregnant women good at that

[bajj]

Originally Posted by Erin_1712

Also I am 8 weeks pregnant (I was told I might not be able to have children) and now I am facing another problem. Not only has a friend asked if I was going to give him back because I can have my own now. NO!!! But I am wondering if I will feel the same for both of them. If M will be pushed to the side because of the new baby and the fact that the baby does not have any attachment issues. I know I am probably being paraniod but arn't pregnant women good at that

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I think only you can answer this question for yourself. Some people can bond and attach with an adopted child easily and others can not. I know having attachment issues just adds another layer.

I think the fact that you are so strongly saying no you will not "give him back" is a good sign, IMO.

[atouchofheaven]

okay, i have read a couple of your posts. i would strongly urge you to read up on attachment parenting. some things i am hearing make me a bit concerned for you. first, it doesn't matter how long you've known him before moving in with you. his world has been flipped upside down. even if he didn't have a good relationship with his aunt...it is still traumatic for a 2 year old to change homes, caregivers, smells, beds, toys, routines, etc. he regresses, you are not even at the point yet where he can begin to move on.

give him lots of love, lots of grace and patience, and lots of time.

time-out is probably not a great idea at this point. i know with my son, it didn't work. it only made us more disconnected. i instead did time-in. holding him on my lap or in my arms for a period of time (1 or 2 minutes). that way he knows i am here for him no matter what....and it doesn't recreate trauma from being neglected in the past.

please, if you want to be a good parent to this little boy. check out this website. A4everFamily.org - HOME

[warriormom]

I agree that you need to learn more about RAD. It is such a special disorder, and requires special therapy (at home as well as with a professional). Raising a RAD child takes a lot of commitment on your part, and a lot of willingness to learn more effective ways to manage his behavior. Typical parenting techniques are not usually effective with RAD children. Are you seeing a therapist who is experienced in working with RAD children? Please look into that, if you are not already doing so.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Only you can know your own heart as far as how you will feel about each child. I never gave birth, so I am not qualified to speak to that question. However, I can't imagine how I could love any child more than I love my adopted children. I will say, though, that a RAD child will certainly put your love to the maximum test. If you are up for that, you will be a tremendous blessing to your adopted son.