[AMANDASMOM]

I adopted a 12 yo with a RAD label almost two years ago. She was with us in FC for almost two years before we adopted her. She has made dramatic, positive changes in her behavior. She still has some issues but they are mild.

One year ago she got sick and missed many days of school. Then she was diagnosed with a genetic condition that gives her extreme daily pain and fatigue, among other symptoms. I have had to give her meals in bed, help her bathe, massage painful areas, and generally be a nurse to her.

I thought at first that this would be a good chance to deepen her attachment. I made special trays and fed her some of the food. I spent most of my time, including the middle of the night when she had a problem, caring for her needs.

Now, I am extremely tired and she seems to expect to be waited on and treated like a baby. She still has pain issues and fatigue but she doesn't want to do anything for herself. Her doctors say to get her up and moving but she prefers to stay in bed. The Dr. started her on an antidepressant but so far it hasn't made a difference. When she wants a drink and I tell her that this would be good opportunity to get some exercise, she cries and says I am mean and don't love her. This is right back to where we were in the beginning. I have the feeling that I am being manipulated.

Has anyone had an experience where a RAD kid gets a serious illness? How do I handle her medical needs at the same time as I am handling her emotional and attachment needs. Any suggestions? Have you seen anything written about this subject?

[MomwithFive]

<<Have you seen anything written about this subject?>>

I haven't read anything about this so am not much help, sorry. Are you working with an attachment therapist?