[aartcreations]

Hi,

I have what I hope is a simple question. My ds who has been home 10 mon. (he is 17months old) likes to kiss people. Is this a normal thing for babies this age? He is very affectionate. He kisses just about very thing: his stuffed animals, pictures of people in magazines, babies, other parents of children who we see weekly at play dates, us meaning mom and dad) We had some attachment issues earlier this summer like lack of eye contact, not wanting to get out of the crib with me, but I really feel like at this point he knows who mom and dad are. A few times he has wanted people who are aquaintances of mine to pick him up that he doesn't know too well. Since these incidences I have kept him close to me. But now that I have started to go to the gym to exercise and have left him in the day care for an hour at a time (this has been only three times so far), the woman have told me that he was kissing and hugging all of them this last time. My son is my first child and since we had some attachment issues I feel like I'm always wondering. So is this a normal thing or is this something I need to try to help him with. Thanks in advance.

[bajj]

My youngest son is very affectionate and was like that at that age. He still kisses on his family a lot. However, I do not have any experience with attachment issues and if you've already had some, then I really don't know what to tell you. Hopefully someone will read this and be able to help! If you don't get any answers or advice before Monday, don't get too discouraged. The weekends are pretty slow around here.

[Lorraine123]

Have you let the caregivers at the gym know that it is inappropriate? Tell them to tell your son that he gets kisses from his mom and dad. A child with a history of attachment issues, should not be getting affection from strangers this early in the game. He has only been with you for 10 months. During that time, you were dealing with attachment issues, so he is still working through it. Do some more attachment activities and keep him close, very close. JMO

[ajjhmf]

My bio son (18mo) can be very affectionate too, but he has never had any attachment issues. If anything, we joke that he is the over attached child. But he is my bio child and has never suffered any loss of caregiver or trauma.

Your son, however, has gone through all those things. Given the amount of time he's been home I would be hesitant on letting him hg and kiss other people. Even once my adopted son (now 8) realized that we were his mom and dad, we still limited displays of affection to non-family members for a good while afterwards. Your son might have already accepted you as mom and dad, but that doesn't necessarilly mean he's securely attached yet. So, no, I wouldn't allow the hugging and kissing, and I would continue with attachment building activities.

Blessings,
Jenny

[finoni9]

My 2 yr old fd LOVES to kiss things - if she "hurts" anything, even accidentally she will kiss it, from feet to dryers!!!

She also liked to kiss us a lot when first placed with us and often would kiss as if trying to please us or if she wasn't happy about something she would kiss us and it felt like she thought we would stop whatever she didn't like because she was kissing us and pleasing us.

However 8 weeks on she has slowed down loads on the kissing but she still likes to kiss me a lot when she is unsure esp just before or after visits with bios.

She also loves to kiss babies - she is not so bad with kissing other people that I have witnessed.

I would as another pp said, tell the staff it's not appropriate for your son and to discourage him from doing it.

[notjustanykatie]

It is NORMAL--don't worry! I don't have any experience with attachment d's but I have had a home daycare for 7
years. All my kids have wonderful attentive parents...and I've had many kids like yours. Some are very loving. Please don't discourage it ...or say that kissing is only for mommy and daddy..there's no harm in kissing an animal etc. My oldest daycare kids are now 11 and 12 and they are very smart and normal. The "loving one" even skipped a grade in school! If anything, your ds will be a nurturing big bro someday!

[bajj]

It's normal with kids w/o attachment issues, but I think I'd listen to Lorraine, who has experience in attachment. Children with attachment issues do not react in a "normal" way even if what they are doing appears normal.

Just my .02

ETA: I might try cross posting this in the special needs forum, I believe a lot of people there are familiar with attachment disorders.

[ajjhmf]

Agreed.

What works for a 'normal' child won't work for a child with attachment issues. It takes a VERY different style of parenting. You can't really compare the two. Apples to oranges, so to speak.

[aartcreations]

Thanks everyone! I did talk to the daycare ladies and they told me that they were not letting him do it anyway. Even if it is not attachment related, I really don't want him kissing strangers who may be coming down with a cold. And even if he is just kissing other babies, their mothers may not like it! It's just not a healthy thing. The hard part on my end is getting him to know the difference between family and strangers. My dh has a large Italian family and kissing is the norm. So when he runs around kissing everyone, they just love it. I know it would be impossible to stop him from kissing them. They would look at me like I was strange and my dh would not support me on the no kissing rule. Sooo I guess it will take some time before he realizes the difference between family and strangers. I guess I will just control what I can. Thanks again everyone.