[rindava]

our states department of human services shared these suggestions with me

First we live in the USA if you want to give your money to whoever you can....

but the questions they suggested that you ask before getting treatment for your child is

1)What are the credentials of the directors and therapists? What degrees do they have and from what academic institutions? (Bryan is not a PhD psychologist he often advertises to be...)

2) Is the effectiveness of treatment supported by scientific research or just testimonials?

(Bryan relys on testimonials)

3) Do the provider have licneses or accrediation from an established and reputable organization?

(As far as getting 600 people together... He is widely advertized around here, goes to mega churches, really anywhere to speak... and gathers info and tells people about his web sites, support online groups, blogs, etc...)

what happens to the posters who question or are saying this is not working

{and on an aside, spending quality time with your kids, treating them with respect, kindness, etc... helping them explore the joys of life.. is Called Good Parenting... but letting them get away with everything will likely lead to trouble}

the problems I see in our journey is that the fact that so many therapist out there just don't even respect adoptive families... that so many end up taking their kids across country into the hands of questionable acts...

I often wonder how these people off speaking all over the country and doing all this other stuff etc... are even getting enough face time with their kids to call it parenting??

And I really think many of them miss the point that a lot of these kids are brain damaged from prenatal drugs exposure..

[rubymama]

I'm happy to agree to disagree. I'd agree with your state except I wasn't looking at Bryan Post as my therapist. To me, he's an author and his techniques work. If the dental hygeniest down the street wrote a book that helped me to be a better parent, I couldn't care less that she didn't have a degree. How many therapists out there are totally clueless as to how to help our kids? TONS.

If you read Dr. Bruce Perry's work and Caryn Purvis' work and the other works in their bibliographies, you'd know that Bryan Post's work is based on emerging scientific research. If you're stuck in the mindset of RAD treatment 5 or 10 years ago, you probably won't recognize that. It's pretty exciting how things are moving forward, even though it's slow.

As I said, we've come a long long way. My children are doing great. If I had the chance to, I'd thank Bryan Post for that. Not just him, others, too.

[rindava]

Dr. Perry does advocate use of medication in children with PTSD and other conditions...

Bryan didn't write most of the book Heather wrote with him, Heather wrote it... maybe you should thank her instead...

Parents please look into Advocates for Children in Therapy - Home before trying anything with you child

a lot of these kids are drug and alcohol effected, few people are addressing that issue

[lucyjoy]

Just because one has a bad experience with attachment therapy doesn't make all the therapy bad. I am NOT a Bryan Post fan. However, that does not make everything he says useless. Would I use him as a therapist? NO, but some of what I've heard about his book seems like useful information.

And the anti-attachment sites pull things out of context and use them for their own purpose. Holding therapy is NOT rebirthing nor are they even similar in nature.

I laugh when people think anything Nancy Thomas does is rigid because she does everything with such compassion and kindness and has healthy kids to back up how valuable her parenting was for them.

I think ALL parents should research new therapies before trying them out. I think they should question therapists and fully understand what the goal is and how their method will lead to that. I think theraputic strategies can be and are misused by parents. That doesn't make the strategies bad, it means the parents need better training and support.

And good Attachment therapists are aware of drug and alcohol's effects on children. A GOOD attachment therapist knows that most of their clients have PTSD and they DO address that as part of the healing process.

What bugs me is that when parents kids don't heal they suddenly decide to crusade against attachment therapy.
Unfortunately, not all kids heal. That's a sad, sad fact of life. And a good attachment therapist will tell you this as well as give you assistance in helping your unattached child best find their way in society without attachments.

[dadfor2]

YouTube - Attachment Therapy: Got it???

In case anyone who is not that familiar with certain types of Attachment Therapy. I figured I can show you why I personally feel, just me, that this kind of 'in your face' tx can actually hurt more then help.

There are a couple of other videos on AT that you can see also.

[b]the anti-attachment sites pull things out of context
B]

I guess we can say that AT pulls things out of context aslo. They cater to peoples fear mostly.

What bugs me is that when parents kids don't heal they suddenly decide to crusade against attachment therapy.

what bugs me is that parents really can't see that some of these techniques are not healthy. My child is healing without AT, and so are millions of others. The reason I have gone on this crusade because I do feel it inflicts trauma on a child. That and only that, is the only reason.

[Lorraine123]

I just returned home from a session with a therapist quoted on the site referenced above (http://www.childrenintherapy.org/). I hope that all readers of this thread realize that anything can be taken out of context and be presented in a bad light. I mean, there are over-zealous Christians, does that mean that Christianity is bad? There are poor surgeons, does that mean that you should avoid surgery? One bad apple should never spoil the entire bunch.

I have never met Bryan Post. However, I have read his writings and I, personally, would not use him as my therapist. I do not agree with his premise. Others disagree and that’s ok. But never should you judge all therapists by one. All of these AT have different techniques. Its up to the parent to find the one that best matches their child’s needs.

My therapist does nothing like what is presented in the above referenced website. “Holding therapy” is not about rebirthing or laying on your child or tickling or licking or whatever else is said. I have never seen this done. It is about HOLDING. Don’t you hold your child? I never realized that holding my child was abuse. Its not coercive, its not against her will. Its done with love and compassion. She could get up at any time. How do you see that as wrong??? You don’t have your child ever sit in your lap and rock them?

When we were with our therapist earlier this week, we were working on my daughter’s trauma. Do you not hold your child when they hurt? Do you not cry with your child when they cry? I don’t see that as abusive, I see it as compassionate. Please explain to me how that is wrong.

I could research the web and find sites that are against most anything. On the same hand I could find sites for anything. I think we all know to not take the web as the “end all, be all.”

My therapist would never say that they are the “end all, be all”. They would never guilt me into to going to them. I have never experienced that. I don’t want my daughter to attach to me because it is what I want, I want her to attach to me because an attachment with a mom is the foundation of all future attachments. Whether its me, or another “mom”, I don’t care, I just want her to have the very best life she can have. My daughter will probably never “heal”. But if I can help her work through her past trauma and decide to move forward, I have succeeded. And if you disagree with that, I am sorry.

I am not a victim of “brainwashing” or being “sucked into a cult”. I am an educated woman, who researched the best way to help my child. I am insulted that you continue to attack my method of aiding my daughter. Please let it go.

[lucyjoy]

I watched the video. Doesn't look like any attachment therapy I've ever participated in, nor would I let a therapist touch my child like that.

There are bad therapists of ALL kinds and there are very good ones in ALL fields. Bashing all AT because there are bad AT doesn't make sense to me.

I'm thrilled kids heal without attachment therapy. Mine weren't able to.

[stevenstwin]

Well, that video was appalling, but I wouldn't want people to think that is a typical attachment therapy experience.

[dadfor2]

like I always said, some attachment therapy is fine, but others i find abusive.

this guy, Neil Feinberg is an Attachment Therapist in Evergreen, Colorado.

I guess thats why I go crazy when I see this kind of stuff. Some of the therapies that go on is just abusive in my opinion. You need to be real careful if you go to an attachment threapist.

The minute they say "your child wont heal without it" then you run!!!!!!!! because its not true.

[Lorraine123]

Until you meet Neil Feinburg in person, you cannot judge from a video. Taken out of context, there are many things that everyone says that sound abusive. He is a very compassionate person and he loves the clients he works with. You should know to NEVER base an absolute opinion on something posted on the internet.

[dadfor2]

lorraine,

I think you keep thinking that I am attacking what you do with your daughter. I am not.

My therapist would never say that they are the “end all, be all”. They would never guilt me into to going to them. I have never experienced that

Thats my point, some do.....I dont make this stuff up.


lorraine
My therapist does nothing like what is presented in the above referenced website

lucyjoy
Doesn't look like any attachment therapy I've ever participated in, nor would I let a therapist touch my child like that.

thats the point of the argument. That this type of attachment therapy (which this is considered AT) is on the cuff of abusive.

This is the 'in your face' stuff that I am talking about. This is what the 'anti-AT' people are talking about. This is what the 'professionals' are against.

I am glad I posted the link, because that is what we are talking about when we say its abusive and people need to be careful.

Alot of people on here say "your child needs to go to an attachement therapist."

us 'antis' are saying 'be real careful', then you come back and get mad at us.

This video and the others is what we are against. These practices happen in AT today, as one poster commented on. There is nothing being taken out of context.

Some therapists are good, some are not, and because its AT you need to be real careful. Most parents go to AT are already warn out and tired and very vulnerable, they just need to be careful and look for warning signs.

I think the most of us, at least from what I read you posted, are on the same page, for now anyway.

Its these type of practices that go on and people need to be aware of them. THe parents are educated also, they are just so darn tired and sufferred their own PTSD with their own child, that they will just about do anything if someone tells them it will help.

[dadfor2]

sorry, I sent my post before you wrote yours. never mind.

I am done discussing this kind of therapy. Good luck.

[rubymama]

OMG! That video is horrible! "You cannot judge from a video"????? I can from that video.

[zebramom]

Attachment therapy has changed and evolved along with scientific research. To take an old video and use it to say that attachment therapy and holding therapy are wrong and abusive does not make sense to me.

We have used PARTS of what is seen in that video. Our daughter kicked to release to her anger and she loved it. It was safe way for her to vent and she felt better afterward. She has done remarkably well, and I can credit it to the techniques I have learned from Nancy Thomas and several other amazing therapists. She would not be the wonderful child she is without them.

HOWEVER, and this is where so many people get stuck, I'm not saying that these techniques will work for every child. Just as no "normal" parenting technques work for every child.

Dad, you have made it very clear that you do not agree with holding therapy. I get that, it's your choice. However, saying that those of us who have used it are abusing our children is completely out of line. You have never met me or my child or seen how I parent, so you can not make a judgement on what I do based on what I write here. I have met several of my list mates here live and in person. I know that they are amazingly wonderful, caring and committed parents. I greive for how hard they try for their kids and that they have to constantly look for what will help their child. To call them child abusers is out of line.

You take my quotes out of context and put them on "the other site" under your other name. I fully expect you to.

I know that none of this will change your mind, and you will continue to advocate against holding therapy. That's your choice. It would certainly be appreciated if you would consider a parents feelings and the struggles they have with their child before you hurl insults at them.

As for the initial topic here, which has been completely lost because this has turned into a bash holding therapy thread again, is the Bryan Post question. Bryan Post is not my cup of tea, and I wouldn't use his techniques. That's not to say there is not validity in some of what he is doing or that some of his techniques will not help some kids. In attachment therapy, as with every type of parenting, you have to research and find out what will work best for your child. Most times it is a ala carte type of thing. You take some things from Nancy Thomas, some things from Greg Keck, some things Dan Huges, or whatever other therapists there are, and piece them together to best fit your child. Each child is different, as is each parent. There is no magic one size fits all "cure" for our kids.

[kburch]

I agree with Lorraine - those of you who haven't met or worked with Neil should not be judging him or his methods based on a 3-minute pieced-together segment on YouTube. I know Neil to be a kind and good-hearted man who cares very much about deeply troubled children. To see him portrayed as he is being on this thread is unfair and just plain wrong. Disagree with what you see in that video all you want, but you should not base your opinion of him, his practice, or AT in general on a short, spliced segment of a therapy session from who-knows-how-long ago.