[itsallrelative]

We start with a new therapist on Monday for our 16 yr old ASon. He has lived with us for the past 4 yrs and was in fostercare 3 1/2 yrs previous to that. As you may have read my first post about his sister moving out, you know I have been googling the net to help sort this whole drama out.

RE therapy: I've read on a few sites a parent should always be in therapy to avoid triangulation. What do you guys think? What about the times he will be working on things that happened before his arrival to our home? Does our close involvement in his therapy slow does the progress?

I would like to kind of have an idea what we should do BEFORE we meet with the therapist so we can set up our plan. I need to feel a little more in control now and our son doesn't take change very well.

[Tudu]

Is this therapist an attachment therapist or not? That is the single most important thing for therapy. A regular therapist will not do.

We are in AT and I am ALWAYS involved. Each child lays accross my lap and we talk about things. They are required to make and keep eye contact with me and at this point they are all really struggling to do that.

[lucyjoy]

Are you certain your son has RAD? No way would I let my RAD kids in supposed AT without me. They'd spend all their time playing victim and making up lies about me abusing them. They would NOT be willing to work on past trauma or anything else. Also, AT is geered at helping our children be able to attach to us. If we're not there, they can't do that.

My 17 year old A son is now in a group home. He spends his therapy time telling the therapist how everything is his parents fault. We did it all. Thankfully, the therapist did call him on it as he is having issues there as well. But I did have a kid in an RTC that conned therapists really well-even after putting glass in one of the therapists water. They believed I was crazy and he was fine. He's 18 now, a fabulous sociopath, and well into his chosen life of crime.

[Lorraine123]

Attachment therapy is about the child attaching to YOU. If you aren't there, how can that happen. I would never allow my daughter to be with a therapist alone. What a great opportunity that would be for her to manipulate and triangulate. I could only imagine. We did have a psychiatrist see her alone one time and that was a disaster. Make sure your therapist is a TRUE attachment therapist otherwise it will do more damage than good.

[itsallrelative]

Yes, although his sympyoms are not as drama-like as our older daughter, there is no question. He was initially diagnosed as Adjustment Disorder until the therapist had a better chance to meet with him and speak to us. I failed to mention we dropped the Medicaid route for services as the agencies that see kids are they themselves like a revolving door of therapists and we figured kids with abandonment issues surely didn't need to feel abandoned every three or four months when it was time for change of the guard at the agency.

Our only other option was to use our insurance. I jumped through all the hoops to get him approved for services, but we are required to use their list of providers. What's new?? Anyway, I contacted each of the providers listed and did phone interviews with them. There were none that could claim they were AT trained, so I was left choosing one whose practice centers around teens.

I have checked online, but can't find one within our area either. I do not believe our insurance allows out of county services either.

So, with that in mind any suggestions?

[MinistryMom]

I am pretty certain my youngest son (adopted at 3 years of age) has a mild case of RAD. I am having a hard time finding a specialist in attachment therapy near my home.
I live right outside of Houston but the only place I did find was an hour away.

Anyone know how to search for a good therapist?

[Mkuhlmann06]

Post in special needs adoption. Im sure someone there has a resource for locating an attachment therapist.

[lucyjoy]

email Kelly@radzebra.org She has a list of therapists in different areas and may be able to help you locate one.

[itsallrelative]

Any of you guys using AT therapy, find success with an older child, say 16? With years of fostercare and adopted for a number of year? It seems like most of the posts I read refer to younger children, who were placed at a much younger age.

[stevenstwin]

YES!! BUT..he has to be aware of his difficulties and motiavted to change. My A. wants me in all his therapy and has made great progress. The beautiful, beautiful thing that I see is that his attachment work with ME has made him able to have better, healthier relationships with OTHER people as well. Less likely to form fast "fake" attachments to superficial people, and motivated to work really hard on relationships with the people he SHOULD have attachments to. That is the big goal with a kid this age...they are going to be out on their own so soon -dating, maybe having children - and are really in danger of messing up a lot of lives if they can't make the changes now. BUT -you can't make a kid this old WANT it.

[cpipitone]

Originally Posted by itsallrelative

Any of you guys using AT therapy, find success with an older child, say 16? With years of fostercare and adopted for a number of year? It seems like most of the posts I read refer to younger children, who were placed at a much younger age.

My daughter is only 12 and we are already running into issues about age. We had one psychiatrist pretty much write her off as too late to help and said she was a "budding borderline." He said most of this in front of her and told her that she needed to be prepared for the RTC we are trying to get her into--compared any RTC to prison. He told a 12 year old girl she would be going to a prison-like facility!!! What an arrogant jerk.

I've read the statistics, and yes, it does appear that AT therapy is more successful with toddlers, but I still can't give up. I've posted elsewhere that if an RTC can improve her behaviors even 25-50% that is a 25-50% chance she has at a more productive adult life. We seem to be getting through to her lately, just bluntly telling her that while we understand why she behaves the way she does, that is it still dysfunctional behavior and that she needs help. She is actually starting to look forward to the help (and to getting away from us--the family she hasn't bonded with after two years). Age 16 is probably exponentionally more challenging, but push your insurance company more, to find a RAD-specialized therapist or treatment center. Push to get a case manager within the insurance company, if you can. Demand for a listing of their Level of Care guidelines so you can know what symptoms/behaviors/diagnosis they are expecting before they will allow you to see a specialist. Your insurance company really may not offer anything more that what you currently ask, but sometimes they just don't advertise what they can provide and you need to prod and pry.

Good luck!

[itsallrelative]

OK We went yesterday for the first appointment. The therapist has suggested we look into a wilderness camp. Any thoughts? Anyone utilized this form of treatment? Did insurance help with the costs?

The therapist also lent me a manual she received from the last training she attended on RAD. One of the suggestions was to have a list of about five natural consequences for each offense. The idea was to keep the child from controling or manipulating the outcome. Have any of you tried this technique?

My husband and I had a lengthy talk with T(our son) last night as we have found he has a 'secret' cell phone, just like his sister. Of course his explanation was all lies.

We have actually considered what it would take to disrupt the adoption and the recourses we may face. We have a bio d left at home who is the same age as T and for the past four(4) years she has received very little attention because of T and his C, his sister whom we've adopted. Our bio d and T are the same age and I am beginning to recognize we only have two(2) years left to share her teen life before she graduates and we are concerned we are throwing it away while we continue to focus on T and recover from C's assault on our family. Any thoughts? Anyone successfully reverse an adoption after this many years of having the kids?

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by itsallrelative

OK We went yesterday for the first appointment. The therapist has suggested we look into a wilderness camp. Any thoughts? Anyone utilized this form of treatment? Did insurance help with the costs?

The therapist also lent me a manual she received from the last training she attended on RAD. One of the suggestions was to have a list of about five natural consequences for each offense. The idea was to keep the child from controling or manipulating the outcome. Have any of you tried this technique?

My husband and I had a lengthy talk with T(our son) last night as we have found he has a 'secret' cell phone, just like his sister. Of course his explanation was all lies.

We have actually considered what it would take to disrupt the adoption and the recourses we may face. We have a bio d left at home who is the same age as T and for the past four(4) years she has received very little attention because of T and his C, his sister whom we've adopted. Our bio d and T are the same age and I am beginning to recognize we only have two(2) years left to share her teen life before she graduates and we are concerned we are throwing it away while we continue to focus on T and recover from C's assault on our family. Any thoughts? Anyone successfully reverse an adoption after this many years of having the kids?

You mean like "brat camp"? I'd admit I don't know much about it - but it sure doesn't SOUND like it would be any good for attachment disorder! I just phoned our therapist to set up our appointment for tomorrow, and asked her what she thinks of the wilderness camp idea..and she said that unless the parents are going too she can't imagine what it is supposed to accomplish!
As for your other question, about the conequences - THAT makes sense and I agree with it completely.

[Lorraine123]

I think Wilderness Camp would be great for a teen RAD kid. At that age, the chance of healing is slim to none. Wilderness Camp isn't about healing from RAD. These camps require compliance to adults and team work with others. These are skills that the kids are severely lacking and that they desperately need in adult life. I would seriously consider it for my child once she is a teen.

[cpipitone]

I agree that a Wilderness Camp could do wonders for your boy, and get him a little distance from his sibling and bmom. Insurance may be tricky, but there are probably some that will work with you. Just Google "Wilderness Treatment Camp" and you will get lots of info. Here are a few links you can check out.

Camps.com :: Search results for wilderness therapy

Reactive Attachment Disorder

Ascent Wilderness Program for Troubled Teens

http://www.17thjudicialdistrict.com/...a%E2%80%A6.pdf