[sprunger1]

Well, as much as I have learned in the past two months from all of you awesome, AWESOME people, for my family, the time to move on has come.

Today, CW took M to meet a potential new foster placement. Personally, I'm excited for M becauase this dad has LOTS of experience and has raised kids like M before. CW said she was impressed because although M refused to interact during the visit today, the dad was totally in tune with what is going on and is willing and able to take on a positive role in this little guys life. While excited for him, and hopeful for his eventual healing...I'm also fighting off some depression because this has all been so overwhelming. On one hand, this child has been a thorn in my side, throwing everything he's got at me and knowing full well that I have no clue how to handle it. On the other hand, he's a child in pain and my heart breaks because I know what kind of life he could have here, had he not been so far gone emotionally.

I want to send out the biggest thank you's to all of you who have been so supportive of me through this undertaking. It will feel awfully strange not checking this board every single day!

Looks like M will be moved sometime next week. An overnight is scheduled for this coming weekend. In the meantime, since tonight is the only night dh is home, I have arranged for my mom to come and stay the rest of the week for safety reasons. It still amazes me how M is a different child when dh is home. The past two nights have been wrought with stress and fighting at bedtime, yet tonight he went sweetly and willingly when dh told him it was time to head that way. Just so strange, even though I understand it now.

Thank you again. You are all the most amazing people to do what you do. I will always hold the deepest respect for you.

[Lorraine123]

Hugs to you. You did make a difference in this little guy's life. Remember that.

[mrsred]

sprunger, my heart aches for you. Bu tlike Lorraine said, you did make a difference. I pray that this new placement is the perfect match for him, and I pray for you, that someday you can remember the little sweet moments you did share with him, and know that you helped to keep a little boy safe till his forever home was ready. God bless you, God ease your pain.

[cpipitone]

Originally Posted by sprunger1

While excited for him, and hopeful for his eventual healing...I'm also fighting off some depression because this has all been so overwhelming. On one hand, this child has been a thorn in my side, throwing everything he's got at me and knowing full well that I have no clue how to handle it. On the other hand, he's a child in pain and my heart breaks because I know what kind of life he could have here, had he not been so far gone emotionally.

I know exactly how you feel. Logically, I can read my DD's charts/records and my heart breaks for what she has experienced and for the fact that no one protected her. But then she opens her mouth, throws a fit, throws an ugly look, provikes everyone around her and all the tension is there. We are in the process of trying to get her into a RTC, and I pray that they can give her what we are not equipped to provide.

You did your best. No one goes into this thinking that it will go poorly, but it is not always in our control. Good luck with your healing.

[sprunger1]

Once again, you all have come through with understanding.
This weekend, M is off for his overnight visit with potential new foster parent. He's been a super kid most of the week (although I'm certain that he stole $20 from my dd), clingy, but no major behaviors or fits and all of the animals are alive!
I'm praying that his weekend is great, in order to enable him to feel better about the move.
He questioned me yesterday about why HE can't choose where he lives. I asked him if he knows what is best at this point. He said no, end of question. That was pretty easy actually!
Although I'm still relieved, it's just so difficult. Even though I know that the FFA threw something at us that we were totally unprepared for, I still feel as though I failed this kid and have no business being a foster or adoptive parent. Maybe in time I will reconsider.

You all are wonderful!

[stevenstwin]

Please don't throw in the towel because of this experience! There are plenty of troubled but NOT RAD kids out there that really need someone - and with the patience and effort you've put into this child, I'm sure there is a good match for you out there! Sadly, there are just too many RAD children who really won't EVER be able to be a part of a family, no matter how hard the parents try.