[momandteacher]

Hi 2Manyks,
I couldn't help but respond to your homework issue with your daughter since I am a teacher. The fact that the teacher has 20 students is just an excuse. My normal number of students is 30 or more. An effective teacher can get her to do her work no matter the situation and should do so in a positive way. Your daughter's homework should be simple enough that she can do it independently without help of a parent. The purpose of homework is for the child to practice what has already been learned in the classroom, not to torture the child or make the parent teach the child. It may be a situation where the teacher needs to simplify your daughter's homework as compared to other students just to meet her individual needs. I hope you feel you can talk to your child's teacher about this. If not I would suggest you go to school administration about it. Your daughter is overwhelmed by too many changes in life recently, she doesn't need the added stress of the homework. Even if that means the homework is too easy for awhile.
I also want to let you know you are not alone in your feelings of not loving your daughter. I have a similar situation. My husband and I just got two siblings as an adoptive placement. We, especially me are having a terrible time connecting to the 11 year old girl. She manipulates and constantly pushes both of us away. I just can't seem to warm up to her. I have come to the conclusion it is going to take time, a lot of it. You just have to look into the mirror every morning and tell yourself it is not your fault and give your best every day. Which I know you already are. Our daughter's are suffering from rejection of a bio mother as well as the loss of other mothers along their way to us. Unfortunately, those feelings are going to be taken out on us. We just have to stick with it and let the children know we are going to be there ith them through the bad and the good times and show them that doesn't change over time. I feel like I know exactly how you are feeling. I used to cry myself to sleep at night thinking I am a terrible mom and she doesn't want me.
My heart goes out to you, God bless!

[radblog]

Gee Lorraine, can I ship my kids to YOUR school district? Mine would NEVER think of holding our little darlins' so DARN ACCOUNTABLE. I LOVE it!

[Juliana13]

I just wanted to say a quick THANK YOU for all your posts and great ideas! My children don't have any attachment/bonding issues (unless you call fighting over who gets to sit on Mom's lap an issue...sometimes it is...) But I just LOVE all your advice and thoughts. They are great for ANY parent, and I seem to find so many good ones here. As a parent, even without the added issues, I love the suggestions to help me bond better, to deal with homework, to handle challenging situations.

(I've not posted here before, because I don't really belong. ...But I've been lurking!)

[momraine]

I am impressed with our schools holding the kids accountable. The school also has a computer program where I can check the kids grades daily. So I know fairly quickly if they have not been turning things in or if they get bad grades on something. I was pretty impressed with it for how small a school it is, especially considering the very, very high number of ESL kids we have. Part of the reason they started this in the higher graders was the fact that parents either couldn't or wouldn't hold the kids accountable. The computer program helped some kids, but most of the parents who bother to check it were the ones who already paid attention to what the kids were doing. The Zap one is working well for most of the kids. It wakes up parents (litterally since we have to get them there early! or pick them up late after detention) and it takes away the kids free time. They also have one period a day called tutorials. If your grade is below a certain number in any class, you must go to that clas during that period for tutoring, if not you have free time, in junior high they let them have recess, in high school they can do a longer lunch or they can go to the library. They are allowed to go to any teacher during that time even if they are not failing to ask questions, work on UIL stuff, or do extra credit stuff. Many School clubs also meet during this time. For such a tiny town, the schools are doing great. I was worried at first becuase they ratings were not like the schools we left, but the schools we left had no ESL kids, only upper class kids pretty much, these schools have a better mix that probably better prepares the kids for life. They also teach more loyalty. An entire class can get punshed if enough of them are misbehaving, the the classes compete against each other. (this would be thier graduating class) The kids have all been very accepting of my kids with disabilities and the school has been very accomodating.