[jennifervan]

We have been with Gabi (19 months old) for 2 weeks now. We have been with her for 3 weeks. She prefers to be with me most of the time. She will cry (real tears) when my husband picks her up or hugs her. If he takes her out of the room or distracts her she does fine. But, if I am in the room...she wants me. He has not been able to hold her or cuddle with her. If I am holdinng her she will push him away if he comes near us. If she hears him come home she will come close to me and try to get on my lap. She was fine with my dad...and went to him without a problem. When we visited her at 8 months old she was fascinated with my dh. She loved him...she was a daddy's girl. I don't know what happend.

Last night my dh told me that he almost cried. I think this is sad for him....I know that we need to understand the pain SHE is in but it is hard for me to see his heart hurt. He has a great relationsihp with our bio boys ages 5 and 7.

What should we do? I know it is early in the process still. I just get concerned that she was abused. But, she did go to my dad when we first got home. I don't think she fears men.

We are now sticking to our attachment parenting but have started 3 days ago to put her to sleep in her crib. My dh feeds her Cherrios and popsicles. She will sit on his lap and feed HIM Cherios...She will give him kisses if I am holding her and say "besos". She will call him "dada" behind his back and reach for him but when he turns she turns away and does not want him ?

She also pushes the boys away...she does not like them to hug her or be near her. I tell them to give her space and tell her to be softer "despacito" and "suave".

Any help would be appreciated...
Jennifer

[kelceesmom]

Could some of it be her age? I know we adopted domestically but our daughter is doing some of the same behavior. Just stick to your plans for bonding and I'm sure things will get better.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Not having adopted an older child or internationally, please take my opinions for whatever they're worth to you. I wonder if Gabi was more attached to her foster mom than any men, so she's simply more comfortable with you.

Maybe you could do more snuggling with Gabi between you? Maybe also handing her over to Dad more often while you're in the room? That might help her to get more comfortable with him while you're there reassuring her verbally.

Best of luck to you!

[mrsred]

A lot of little girls, actually a lot of children in general, biological included prefer mommies to daddies when they are little. What type of situation was she in before she came to you? Were her caretakers female? She may just not know what to make of these males in her life.
But it does make me think of my niece, when she was little. She would do all sorts of things to draw the attention of my husband, her uncle, but would not go to him at all. In fact, once when she was 2 she acted like she wanted a kiss goodbye from him, and when he bent down she slapped him in the face,just like in the old movies. It really was funny! Anyway, we all just gave her the space she needed, dh didn't push it at all. And sure enough, one day she just crawled up into his lap! From that moment on she was uncles little girl. Relax, she will come around in time.

[LilyMoon]

My daughter wanted little to do with my dh when we came home. She much preferred me and would not go to him either. It took a great deal of hard work, but they have a nice relationship 3 years later. My dh worked really hard to develop the relationship. He did all the fun things with her, took her for toys, ice cream, etc. played with her a lot. I started going out and leaving them alone together. They did better and better, especially when I wasn't there. It takes time to build the trust. Many times the girls just don't trust the men.....sometimes they are not used to them are afraid of them or have been mistreated in the past.

Tell your dh to keep working on it and try not to get discouraged.

[BD2884]

My son also refused to be held, taken care of, etc. by my husband. It took 6-8 months of consistency and hard work to get ds used to dh, eventhough dh is the fun one. My husband felt the same way--he was so upset.

As everyone else has said, it will just take time for the relationship to build.

Bari

[athikers]

Our little man wanted nothing to do with ME for at least the first two weeks he was with us... he only wanted to be with my hubby. I think its a fairly normal thing for babies and toddlers to prefer one parent or another at any given point.

[momraine]

Our six year old wanted dad only at first too, but it was because he had, had lots of mother figures, but no men in his life and he wanted one. My daughter adopted at 10 months wanted only me and still does most of the time at age 7 (except when she sees her new brother cudding with dad, LOL) My bio kids prefered me when they were small, because I knew what they wanted all the time. Dad had to keep trying. He could not tell a hungry cry from a wet cry, from a tired cry. The good thing about that was that my kids developed better communication skills from their times with dad. My leaveing for short periods would result in tears at first, but usally they didn't last long and after a few times they realized that dad was kind of fun.

[jigger]

My bio-daughter did the same thing for a while. It got better. Keep a close eye on her but I think it's probably just a phase. . .