[krajewskim]

MOMMY EMERGENCY! Our son has RAD, FAS, & PTSD. Another boy in school has hit him repeatedly in the privates and brought back all the former abuse - most of which was sexual in nature. Now, whenever he is around the other boy at school, he comes home and becomes aggressive (threatens me with pencils, scissors, etc Says he's going to kill me and abusers) The school sees no problem and refuses to seperate the boys. Today the ____ _____ administrator had the audacity to accuse me and my husband of abuse!!!! He said he was calling DHHR because they see no problem at school and if we are having so much of a problem at home, there must be a problem at home. I told him we are foster parents and 5 different agencies including DHHR have certified our home! Now he wants an SAT meeting for my son with DHHR. This is same man who refused to look at therapist reports!! Said there was nothing he could do at school! I am SO ANGRY! I WANT TO HIT SOMETHING! They don't get RAD kids at all and now they ACCUSE US OF CHILD ABUSE! Does anyone have any advice. Our son was stabalized over the summer and now we are back to holding therapy sometimes 3 times a day and threats of violence. The therapist says we need to medicate and take him to the Attachment and Bonding Center that Gregory Keck runs in OH. Any advice, HELP, and support would be great! I feel so alone in this. So abandoned. So helpless. My kid is spiraling out of control and the school calls ME abusive because we're only seeing symptoms at home. I Hate my Life Right Now! Please Help!

[T-N-T]

First go to adsg.syix.com the attachment disorder suppport group. It's a great place to get info from parents who deal specifically of kids with RAD and have BTDT.

Second, from this point on I would not speak with the administrator unless you have witnesses to back up what you will say. Especially if he gets your social service agency involved.

I would bring all documentaion you have about your son's condition to any meeting you have.

This may be a hard lesson but being proactive about your son's conditions is a must.

We have meetings with all the teachers and any others who will be dealing directly with our boys.

We have kept our DSS informed about what is going on with them even though they have both been adopted for several years now.

In my experience with educators some won't change their long held beliefs no matter how compelling the evidence

But we have had success with those who we reached early and warned about our son's behaviors

If you take anything from what I have said please visit that website and go to the message forums.

[ajjhmf]

Anotehr RAD resource is radzebra.org

[lucyjoy]

If he's legally adopted, remove him from that school. The potential for them to do long term damage to him is high. HE cannot handle the kind of power they are giving him by attacking you. Find a private school or home school him. Get written documentation from the therapist to keep with you as to what your sons issues are and what false statements he's prone to making.

[krajewskim]

Luckily, I took DH into the mtg this morning and we took a tape recorder and recorded everything. We had warned them at the beginning of the year about possible problems and they think we're coo coo! I was a teacher before we adopted H and so I know how this game works. They want him out of the school so they don't have to deal w/me. I have seriously thought of homeschooling until H can stand up for himself more. But I keep thinking that he has a right to a free, public education. Besides, he is behind socially as it is and i don't want to make things worse. Thanks to all of you who posted websites. I am going there now. Radzebra I've been to. I guess we have to decide what is worse - H possibly being hurt in this school environment or H possibly being hurt from lack of social contact at homeschool. We have some tough decisions to make and much praying to do. Thanks for all the feedback.

[mom2GRLC]

I'm curious why are they not doing anything about the boy who was repeatedly hitting your son? Why are they turning to you and accussing you of anything when your son is pointing fingers at the other boy?

If the teacher can't keep the other boy away from him then I'd either ask for him to be polaced in another class or have him change school or even home school him.

There are lots of activities kids can do for socialization. Lots of sports, clubs, parks, etc... The socialization doesn't have to be done in a school environment. Infact if this other boy does not stop this might directly affect your childs grades and he may not want to go to school anymore.

If a teacher or councelor or priniciple etc. is talking about reporting you to DHS then i would pull that kid out of that school. Unfortunatly, there will likely be nothing you can do to change their mind about it. They will always judge you.

We are foster parents and my daughter was going to a special pre-school for a year and a half with NO problems. I often talked to all the people down there and we all got along great. Well we got these two boys in fostercare who also went to that school. There ended up being false allegations against us because of one of the boys and as a pre-caution DHS took all the foster kids out of our home for a month until the investigation was complete. Of course it came back unsubstanitated and we got our daughter back and she went back to that school. But the months that followed as we waited for my daughters adoption...I hated going to that school and i hated sending my daughter there. Everytime I went in I felt like they were talking behind my back and judging me.

As soon as my daughter was finalized we removed her from that school. It wasn't right that they treated us that way when we did nothing wrong and nothing I could do would ever prove to them anything diferent they already had it burned in their minds that if we are being investigated then we must be doing something terrible. You'd think after a year and a half of seeing me and talking to me and having many of my kids go there they would have been better but they weren't.

Now my daughter is in a new pre-school and doing wonderfully and her teachers and principle always go crazy over her.

So just be careful....once they get an idea like that in their head they may never let it go and your son migth pick up on it.

[krajewskim]

Great thoughts from everyone! I already have H in a different class from the other boy. Supposedly H isn't being hit anymore, it's just every time he's around that boy he remembers all that terrible stuff that happens to him. The school claims they can't monitor the boys in the lunchroom and on the playground. Right now I'm thinking we may pull. His therapy is going to take up soooo much time anyway, especially if Dr. Keck recommends an intensive or bi-weekly. I'm just so sick of my kid saying he wants to kill me and being threatened with weapons. The school says he's a "model student", but he freaks the minute he gets home. The support here is wonderful! You guys ROCK!!

[mommytoEli]

regardless of where he ends up going to school, please ask for a 504 meeting immediately. ptsd is considered a disability and falls under a section 504 plan under the special ed umbrella. what this does is develop a special education plan for your child that every teacher and school MUST follow. in the meeting you will bring documentation of your child's ptsd...probably from a psych eval, and any other docs that you want used to show that your son has problems or special needs, regardless of whether or not they see them. we JUST got one for our dd who has ptsd (adopted from foster care...all the typical issues) and it has made the BIGGEST difference in her schoolwork, behavior, and her teachers attitude towards her. I just got to the point where i needed the school to acknowledge that my dd was indeed different, and be aware of the things she has been documented as doing so that what is happening to you, will not happen to me. when she reacts crazy to a situation, i want them to be able to pull her file and have an "aha" kind of moment. it also lets me have control over who my child's teacher is, where she sits, and how she's disciplined.

it is a sad sad thing when schools will not take the problems of our children seriously, and so we must take matters into our own hands. put your request in writing and in most states they will have to honor your request for the initial meeting within 30 days.

[momraine]

I just wanted to let you know that I have a friend who homeschools her kids and they are probably more socialized than my kids who are in public school The only socialization takes place at recess anyway, becuase they have to be quiet during classtime. My friends kids do dance and gymnastics, and sports, they have a homeschool group that gets together every Friday. Once a month it's a field trip somewhere educational, once a month it's a show and tell about what you have been learning and the other two they go to a park (they rotate to different parks, and sometimes in the winter try things like skating or bowling), they have camp outs and then they also have playdates among kids close in age. They have a few co-op classes every now and then. One mom teaches several of the kids piano, and one dad does an evening science class for older kids complete with expeririments. (his wife says its his excuse to build a full fledged lab in the basement) Another mom does a cooking class and another does a manners class. They participate in all kinds of things. They even sent a team to a lego mindstorm competition. It seems like she is always busy taking one kid to a playdate or another to a class or having other kids over. Her kids get along very well with kids of all ages. This is a good thing I think since they will not be working with people all the same age when they grow up. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that homeschool does not mean no socialization.

[Indy]

Since when is school considered "socialization"? We (as a culture) send our children to school, where they interact with children of their own age, almost exclusively. No where in our adult society do we do this! I served in the Army with people older than me and much younger. I worked with people older and younger.

This is my second year home schooling several of my sons. The boys are active at the local YMCA with their friends. They play in soccer, basketball, and football leagues. They have kids in the neighborhood to play with as well. They still have their friends from school and attend some sporting events.

Many colleges actively seek students who have been home schooled. My niece has been accepted to Purdue already and she still has 5 months to graduate. She tested in the top 10% in the nation on the SAT. She has been home schooled since 1st grade.

What my home school kids are not exposed to is: peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, pre-marital sex, cursing (by students and teachers), physical fighting, false accusations, morals that are contrary to the Bible, guns at school, some teachers who really don't care, administrators more worried about being politically correct instead of the well being of my sons, and the list goes on. I called to complain about the type of music that was being played on the bus for my son. I was told (nicely) that it really was none of my business, as the driver may choose the station. Ok...she was playing the local un-censored RAP station because kids on the bus asked for it! This is the elementary bus...kids as young as 5! Wrong answer!

Forgive me for coming on strong, but I hear about and read about the supposed "lack" of socialization of home schooled children constantly. I think those papers are written by teachers, school administrators, and people who are tied to the education industry. It is an industry, a business. My sons interact with people on many different levels every day, just like adults.

Home school is a threat to the "public" school, otherwise they wouldn't be speaking out so much against it. My state only graduates just over 70% of our students. That is a crime! Public education in my state is not free. I pay over $3600 a year in property taxes. I also pay county tax and city taxes. I then pay $300-$350 EACH child to enroll them in school for "book rental". Some of my sons are still in public schools. All this money to create a false subculture that exposes them to everything listed in paragraph 4.

Besides a few famous people were home schooled; Robert Frost, Whoopi Goldberg, Andrew Carnegie, Jason Taylor (NFL), Agatha Christie, Thomas Edison, Bejamin Franklin, Florence Nightingale, Woodrow Wilson, FDR, The Wright Brothers, Alexander Graham Bell, George Patton, Monet, Mozart, Mendelssohn, da Vinci, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Charles Dickens, Lincoln, and the list goes on and on. I think those are some pretty good role models. Something else that should be noted, homeschooled students are more likely to volunteer and help in community activities.

Ok...I'm getting off my soap box now.

[gkasche]

Ahhhh Socialization...that is always the sticking point to homeschooling a child. I am a mother of 5. When my two oldest boys were in 5th and 2nd grade...we decided to become a homeschooling family. I have various reasons that I chose to do this...but mainly it was because I was so tired of my children being exposed to the language, sex talk, etc. etc. etc. on the bus and on the playground. It was the best decision I could have ever made. We now have three adopted daughters in the home too...(India) and I have been homeschooling for 10 years. You will find homeschool creates a child who is very self confident and socialization is NOT ever an issue. Without the peer pressure and chaos that is in school...they actually are able to focus and study. I have grown so close to my children because of the homeschooling and that is a very big plus for me. Most all homeschooling families are VERY serious about making it work. The first year is a year of trial and error...as the years progress...the skill gets fine tuned and it works so well. Our "school day" is usually from 45 minutes...(for my second grader)...to about 2 hours...(for my 5th and 12th graders). We are very relaxed in the day and the one on one really is good for the child. I know families who have a child with RAD...the fact that they can control the situation a bit better at home is an added plus. For children with RAD...I believe the school districts do not have a CLUE as to what to do...they don't understand it...they don't want to deal with it...and they believe every word that comes out of the child's mouth. They cannot possible believe that the charming child sitting in front of them is lying OR manipulating the situation...THEY ARE MASTERS AT IT. If the teachers in your son's school district can't get it together...then he needs to be removed. I wish you all the best. My best friend has a son with RAD and he is so charming you wouldn't believe it....or at least he is to his teachers, parole officer, police, caseworker, etc. Then his mother gets the brunt of what is his REAL personality. People outside her home do not understand when she seeks help. They consider this child an angel and SHE is the one with the problem. So to homeschool takes away the power of manipulation the child has. BUT it won't be easy. God Bless...I wish you well. Karen

[EmmaLeigh2882]

My sister, brother and I were home schooled and are all very outgoing. ( not related to homeschooling, but both siblings have emotional problems- so my brother is slightly introverted until he knows you-then watch out!)

Not only did we get a fantastic education ( from someone who was German w/ no training in childhood education - so our English isn't the greatest) but we were also involved with LOTS of activities ( as much as a terminally ill mother could provide...)

I am married, own a very successful business, live in a very affluent area in a large home.

I'm not trying to brag. I am trying to tell you that some people can really bloom in alternate educational environments.
Even social skills can be honed and developed in an environment where you can protect when needed. In NJ ( where I grew up) there was a HUGE homeschooling organization (NJHSO) HUNDREDS of families belonged- lots of co-ops and every type of extra curricular activity you could imagine- and many more!