[Waiting2Be]

How can I tell if my dd's behaviors are due to an attachment disorder or are just because she just turned 2 or if are just her personality.

She is very outgoing, loves people, is not afraid of strangers in certain circumstances, like the grocery store, she waves to everyone, says "hi", smiles, etc. I brought her into work with me one day and she went to anyone who had something to offer (that would be food, she loves to eat). But always comes back to me, and freaked out when she thought I was leaving.

She makes great eye contact, loves to gives hugs and kisses, cries when either me or my dh leave the room.

SHe has recently started daycare full time and is now experiencing sleep problems, but up until now has been a great sleeper.

And just since turning 2 a few weeks ago has started with the tantrums.

So am I overreacting assuming everything is attachment related or is she just 2!

[zebramom]

If those are the only behaviors you're dealing with, it sounds like you're in pretty good shape.

A little hard to tell without knowing a full history, but there are several positive things.

Good eye contact, receptive to affection (unless it's only on her terms, then you might have issues), doesn't like you or DH to leave. Those are all positive.

If she's going up to strangers and hugging them, or reaching out for them, then I'd be concerned.

As for the tantrums, you may just be going through the terrible twos.

If you'd like to give me a further history, you're welcome to PM me.

[stevenstwin]

It sounds to me like fairly typical 2 year old behaviour. The problem I've found with the checklists for attachmnt disorder is that so many of the points COULD fit so many children! I'm still struggling with deciding what degree of attachment disorder my own teenage son has.

[Waiting2Be]

Thanks, and I agree you look at the checklists and half of the stuff is typical two year old behavior, that's why I am so confused. I do a good amount of attachement parenting, alhtough hard now that she is in daycare full time, but at night and in the mornings, it's all me or my dh. We don't go out or see others during the week.

I guess the one that worries me is the not being afraid of strangers. I do feel that she is attaching well to us, and I know it takes time, I just don't want to miss something and then when she's older it all comes out.

[SheldeMuse]

My son was placed with us at 22 months. His personality is similar to your daughter's but he is a little more shy with strangers. However, he does flirt and make enough eye contact that he attracts attention. So, also hard to know if that is attachment issue, or just his personality.

My son won't go up to strangers, but that may be because he's always in a shopping cart, on my hip (only 25 lbs) or holding my hand. Like I saidy, he will flirt with people. First a little eye contact, then act shy, then do something cute.

One of the recommendations for attachment that comes up over and over is to maximize the amount of time it is just the child and parents. Not ever going out isn't practical, but using the internet for shopping whenver possible is. I'm not a bit "out and about" person anyway.

The grocery store is a big weekly destination, and we have made good friends with the two wonderful men who work in the produce department. To some extent, that shuts down a lot of potential interaction with strangers. While I'm picking out veggies, he's chatting with our friends.

I just keep track of the attachment with my husband and I. He wants to be with us, seeks us for comfort when hurt or afraid, and his eye contact is normal. I've read and re-read "Parenting the Hurt Child" and am always looking for ways to work things that enhance attachment into our routine.

My son was frequently crankypants from 26 months - 31 months while he was getting his 2nd molars. Ice in his sippy cups, Ora-gel, and occasional motrin were a help.

These days he is pretty cheerful, except for the occasional tantrum that ends with throwing up. Working on that.

[dadfor2]

She is very outgoing, loves people, is not afraid of strangers in certain circumstances

always comes back to me, and freaked out when she thought I was leaving.

actually, these two things stood out to me and sounds pretty healthy. We dont want our kids to be fearful of people at 2.

We want them to believe that people are good.

she can see that you are feeling safe around these people, like work, grocery store, or where ever, so she thinks its ok.

but when you leave, she get scared and cries.

sounds pretty healthy to me.

like zebramom, sounds pretty good to me, but again, we dont have much to go on with her history, but what you wrote, if thats all that is going on, sounds pretty good.

[stevenstwin]

About the strangers - obviously it is something to keep an eye on, but just thought I'd mention that my very healthy, well attached bio daughter was so friendly with strangers that she would run up for a hug, right around when she was 18 months - 2 years old. We had to teach her to be more cautious. Maybe just a personality thing? Or due to the fact that we lived on an Indian reserve at that time where kids were communal property, in a way, and constantly being exposed to many different people. I think for a while my students thought she was the class pet, and the parents even gave her an "Indian" name that translates to "baby big eyes" LOL but I digress ;-)

[SheldeMuse]

All advice from experience needs to digress. Figuring out what is normal, and what is helpful for our toddlers with attachment issues drives us nuts.

Mine just spent hours at my company picnic hearing how adorable he is. And I always ponder what is it about our kids that attracts that much attention? Can the behavior of adults who meet my son really indicate that we still have attachment work to do, because he is giving off such a strong "please love me" vibe? Or, is he just a cute, outgoing todder?

[Waiting2Be]

Thank you all for your responses. I have read so many books and websites and think I am just paranoid that there will be something I miss that will come back to bite us later.

But I agree about the behaviors of others, she has these big blue eyes, so everyone no matter where we are stop to say "hi' and admire how cute she is. So part of it is she is reacting to the attention, and she loves to be the center of attention.

I am sure we are fine and yes I continue to do attachment parenting when I can.

[entropy]

Originally Posted by Waiting2Be

Thank you all for your responses. I have read so many books and websites and think I am just paranoid that there will be something I miss that will come back to bite us later.

But I agree about the behaviors of others, she has these big blue eyes, so everyone no matter where we are stop to say "hi' and admire how cute she is. So part of it is she is reacting to the attention, and she loves to be the center of attention.

I am sure we are fine and yes I continue to do attachment parenting when I can.

we are dealing with this right now too. our daughter was placed with us at 18 months. her behavior recently has really calmed down. and she does realize that we are mom and dad. however, she is friendly to strangers at times. says "hi" and "bye" and the like.

at a family wedding, she wanted to be picked up by my husband's grandma. a woman she's barely met. she's downright jealous if i'm with other children. when i was holding my niece, she kept saying "no mama".

she's from Colombia and the community is more involved with raising children. recently we started talking to her about "not talking to strangers". etc. we'll see how this works.

she's now 29 months old.