[momraine]

I would like to hear everyone's concrete suggestions for bonding. So often I just hear "do bonding activities" and they don't give you a lot of examples.
So I will start with a few and I would like to hear others, especially ones for older kids.

Hold them a lot,

Rock them
If they are young enough let them regress a little and feed them a bottle
Read the them with them on your lap
Don't let other people hug them, or give them food or praise
Don't give them lots of choices
Help them dress even if they don't need it.
If they are small enough, wear them.

What else ladies? Actual things we can do.

[blueprints]

We do holding therapy (cradling them like a baby) talking and trying to make eye contact. While holding we also will give them something sweet like M&Ms, caramels, pudding, ice cream, anything creamy and sweet and mom or dad puts it in their mouth. At first and even now sometimes, it starts out with them screaming because they don't want to be held, so we wait till they calm down to give them treats. This simulates the cycle from rage to calm... baby cries, mom comforts, and then is satisfied with something sweet. (we were told that mothers milk is very sweet)

Letting them help in the kitchen... (especially fun stuff)
Bake cookies together
Make sundaes or milkshakes
Setting the table

Playing with play dough or doing crafts or art together

Let them help you with chores anything that you do as a team, let them sort socks when folding laundry, anything that makes them a part of what you are doing.

That's all I can think of for now!!!

[Uralmom]

Massages are always good. There is an EXCELLENT book called "I Love You Rituals" by Becky Baily that has some great activities and suggestions.

Initally I thought "my 5-6 yo won't want to do that game, he's too old" but he eats it up. And I thought "oh, my youngest doesn't understand enough English to really get what I'm doing" but he, too, enjoys every minute of it. So just jump in with both feet.

I really can't speak highly enough about the book.

[zebramom]

Lorraine-

Infant games like "peek-a-boo", or hide and seek.

We play a game that we just call "who can not smile the longest". It's like staring contest, but the goal is to get the other person to smile. No making faces, or anything, just waiting and eye contact. My son always smiles because he says he can see the smiles in my eyes.

Put lotion on each other (if there are no sexual issues), rub each other's feet, play Twister, do puzzles together, "write" letters on each other's backs and try to figure out what the letter or word is.

Joe Lyons & Suzanne Allen from the Attachment Institute of New England did a presentation at the ADN conference about incorporating all the senses in attachment. You can buy it on the ADN website, www.radzebra.org, or read it in the next ADN newsletter is you are a member. They gave examples of bonding activities for every one of the senses. It was AWESOME!!!

In the book "Parenting the Hurt Child" by Regina Kupecky and Greg Keck, there is a chaper called "Cinnamon on Applesauce". There are several pages of great bonding activities.

Hope this helps.

[Lylac]

For older girls- painting finger/toe nails, even let her do yours!

Lay in the floor face to face and color/draw..the same page/book, they may not like to share, but keep doing it.

I'll keep thinking..

[Grrltrouble]

Don't have much experience yet, but things that have seemed helpful for me and my son include:

swimming - allows for non-threatening skin to skin contact, especially since he is still learning

pushing him on swings even though, at 8, he is perfectly capable of pumping his legs

watermelon seed/cherry pit spitting contests - very fun, silly, and a surprisingly relaxing way to spend a warm summer evening

[momraine]

thanks, these are exactly the kinds of ideas I was looking for and I am sure others are looking for too!

[GCS]

any game that encourages eye contact is great. I would read a lot with my oldest on my lap and make really crazy, exagerated facial expressions.
He was just learning the language so he got to hear the language and the story, see my reaction to the story (good eye contact) and snuggle up on my lap.

He and DH shower together a few times a week. DH washes his hair and they play "who can do _ the fastest" Towel off, soap up, etc. DH also gives Sam a shave on a weekend day. Sam's razor has no razor in it -obviously - but he lathers up the foam while sitting on the sink with Papa and he gets a "shave" with the blank cartridge and then lotion afterwards. Great eye contact and a nice male bonding activity. Then he comes to me and tells me "smell me, Momma. I smell great!"

Bathing together is great for attachment but needs to be appropriate to your child's history, age, etc. I certainly would not recommend this to anyone with sexual abuse in their history.

Co-sleeping is another great attachement activity. We didnt do the family bed but would lie down with him at nap or night time and hang out there until he fell asleep. I think this is part of the reason he is such a good sleeper for us now.

He's been home 21 months. We had a fairly significant challenge with attachment the first 8 months. Today there are no items on the attachment checklist I would answer yes to. So he's come a long way.

Stick with the AP. It works.

Christina

[JulieSA]

Consider attending an Infant Massage course with a certified instructor. I am an adoptee, a Mom and a Certified Infant Massage Instructor - I PROMISE it is an amazing experience.