[hotspice58]

I'm a foster mom to an 8 yo but I had a teenager for a year. My teenager was 14 when I got him and I was his 4th placement: 3 foster homes and a group home. He has 2 sisters and they were all together in the first home; then he was with his younger sister; then by himself. I had no knowledge of attachment disorder. Thanksgiving week my family had reunion/cruise and I took both foster sons. My thinking was they're part of my family. I also don't like the idea of respite because it's harder on the kids. My teenager was rude to staff; didn't attend dinner with family and on the last day I find out that he allegedly threw a cart overboard. Of course, I don't find out about it until the last day. Long story short, he denied it. To his credit, there was a tape but I didn't see it. I had to pay a fine of $300; the people called me later saying it was more but I didn't have to pay the additional amount (that's why I don't think he did that particular act) but he can't go on that cruise line again.

Should I have used respite? When I plan vacations, I always try to include whatever kids I may have.

[whoownsthis]

If it were me, I wouldn't have taken a vacation with this child until he is healed. With that many moves in foster care and disruptions with sibs (two, then one, then none), he obviously has some attachment disorder. You can find registered attachment therapists and begin his healing by searching www.attach.org for one in your area. You might also find one on www.radzebra.com.

Good luck!

P.S. Respite with trained therapeutic foster parents is actually EASIER on an AD child than life at home where parents work to build bonds and force the child to be included. In a trained respite home, foster parents will provide structure, chores, consequences for misbehavior, and basically make him "happy" to be back with you when you return.

[Lorraine123]

I am currently looking into become a therapeutic respite provider. It would be for cases just like yours. Your som obviously isn't healed to the point where he can attend a family vacation. So respite is the right choice for him. In therapeutic respite, we don't provide play time and fun time for the kids. It isn't vacation time for them. We provide structure and safety. They do chores, and help out with the family structure. But they will be glad to return to you. We do nothing to stand in the way of attachment with their parents. We do nothing to promote attachment with us. No snuggling, no loving, just structure and safety.

[hotspice58]

What is involved in becoming a theraputic home? My 8 yo has an 11 yo brother in a group home who I will fost/adopt. His CW said that the supervisor wanted soon-to-be fs to be in a theraputic home.

[Lorraine123]

Call your social services and ask them. Some states require additional training and thats it.