[ca-bigsister]

I am a foster mom to a 14-year-old girl. I was her volunteer Big Sister since she was 7. I became her foster mom a year ago when she was having trouble with her great-grandmother. Mom is a drug addict, dad is in prison, and grandmother is also an addict. She was back and forth between great-grandparents, father and sometimes mother.

She is in therapy and her therapist mentioned attachment disorder. It seems she has symptoms from what I've read:
1) has always cringed when I tried any kind of physical contact (i.e., hand on shoulder), I've never tried to be really physical with her but she'll barely hug me and IT'S BEEN 7 YEARS>
2) Problems with lying. Although they're getting better.
3) Getting obsessed with new friends, especially boy friends. Will call obsessively, e-mail, etc.

What can be done? I feel like she's dead inside to me. I'm starting to get burned out and am just angry with her all the time.

What therapies can be done? She's been in weekly therapy for years. I guess it's helping but I'd really like to feel more bonded to her. It would help me to hang in there more.

[Dr. Art]

If she does had an Attachment Disorder, then it is vital she get the proper treatment. (Just like if you have a cough you need to get the right treatment for the cause: what cures TB won't help lung cancer!). If she's not been getting better then she is getting the wrong treatment. Dyadic Developmental Psychotherpay is an evidence-based effective treatment for such children. You can read about it in the book, Creating Capacity for Attachment edited by Arthur Becker-Weidman & Deborah Shell, Wood 'N' Barnes, OK, 2005. You can find an appropriate therapist with the right training and experience to help you on the list of registered clinicians at www.attach.org Getting treatment from someone not specifically trained in evaluating and treating children with diosrders of attachment is a waste of time and money. You should see someone on that list, or someone who at least meets those criteria.

good luck

[ca-bigsister]

Is obsessive behavior part of AD? I got our family cell phone bill tonight and she called a boy she liked 75 times in a few hours. Then she lied and said she was helping him with his phone because it wasn't working. She said she was calling from the house phone and helping him on the cell phone. I checked times and found out it was when she was skating and at the movies.

Now she is having a major meltdown because I've taken away the cell phone and grounded her from the regular phone and friends. There is a major primal howling going on. I sat with her for a while and acknowledged that I knew how upset she was she couldn't see her friends.

Is this helpful the way I'm trying to control her behavior by grounding when there is obsession? Her therapist says to let her do the obsession and take the consequences from the friends.

She also has ADHD (takes Adderall) and takes Zoloft for anxiety. Her Biomom took heroine when she was pregnant so that affected her, too.

[Dr. Art]

Yes, what you describe could be part of attachment disorder. What you really need to do to help her is ASAP get a thorough evaluation from an competantly trained therapist (see the list of registered clinicians at www.attach.org) for such a list. And then get her the right treatment.

You might also want to read,
Creating Capacity for Attachment, Edited by Arthur Becker-Weidman & Deborah Shell. Wood 'N' Barnes, OK: 2005.

This describes a therapy approach that is evidence-based and that works and also the parenting methods that go along with this approach.

regards

[ca-bigsister]

Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it. I am going to get the Creating Capacity book, and I found the Attachment Center West in Santa Ana. I'm interested in finding a therapist in the San Fernando Valley. I have been to the attach.org website and am looking for a therapist with their credentials.

My FD is finally bonding with her therapist. It's been over a year. Before she came to me, she had Medical therapy which was basically an intern she'd have for 6 months while they did their hours, then they were gone into private practice. Would it be a bad idea to try a new "attachment" therapist when she's finally bonding with the old traditional talking therapist?
Thanks

[Dr. Art]

I'm glad that the information was helpful.

regards for a happy holiday season and new year.