[Lorraine123]

I'm also interestedin hearing what others say happens in their attachment therapy sessions.

In our case, it is very diffrent from talk therapy. It is all experiential. Its all about showing our daughter that we can show her love and she doesn't get hurt. We may have her lay across our laps and we look her in the eyes and take turns telling her something special about her. or our therapst has a tape with a song on it about letting our love in and we sing it to her. or we role play that she is a baby and what we would have done if we had been her parents at that time. or we go into the "time machine" and she shows us around her life before us and then we take her into the "time machine" and show her how it is different with us. Things like that. She usually hates it and fights it and ends up in the corner screaming but we never stop until she is composed. We start with just us and our therapist an talk about the week. If there is something that happened of significance that week, we tailor therapy around it. We always end on a happy note with a family hug. It is very exhausting and emotionally draining.

[Dr. Art]

"Attachment Therapy" is a misnomer. Lots of people report doing this, but there is no unified approach. There are a variety of attachment-based therapies. You should be sure the therapist practices an approach that is evidence-based and has some empirical support (such as Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy or Theraplay). The provider should be a registered clinician with the Assoc. for the Treatment and Training int he Attachment of Chidlren (see www.attach.org ) to be sure the person is appropriately trained and qualified. Here are some of the commonalities:
1. Generally parents are in each session or observe each session via one-way mirror or closed-circuit tv
2. Sessions are usually two-hours as one typically meets with the parents alone, followed by work with the child (with parents or with parents in another room observing), followed by time alone with the parents to debrief.
3. An emphasis on emotional attunement and maintaining an emotional connection with the child.
4. An emphasis on engagement not control or domination or "forcing" a child.
5. Focus on actions rather than words.

For more information on this, you can take a look at the following books:
Creating Capacity for Attachment edited by Arthur Becker-Weidman & Deborah Shell, OK: Wood 'N' Barnes, 2005.
Building the Bonds of Attachment, Daniel Hughes.

You can also find some material on my website.

regards

[lucyjoy]

One of the big differences in the attachment therapy was that the therapist listened to us. They understood the issues our child presented were due to truama and loss and not to our poor parenting.

The therapy was never just the child. In traditional therapy, the child is often taken into a room without the parent and talked to. Being that many kids with RAD lie, that doesn't work too well(I also had one guy ask my son how old I was and how many kids we had. He didn't think I looked old enough to parent my children-whatever that means) Anyway, the children can't get better that way.

The attachment therapy addresses both the parents ability to bond(as it's hard to love a child that's screaming I hate you at you all day long)and the child's connection to the parent. A child cannot address their trauma until they feel safe enough to do so.

I took a child to play therapy a few times before I understood RAD. While I learned a great deal about his past watching, it didn't help him to heal. I also had another child who's play therapist use to play the "angry" game. They would play this game and discuss how things would make people feel. My son was especially interested in what made people angry. The therpist thinks this is a good sign and he's progressing. As soon as she'd leave, he's try out all the new stuff he learned and see just how angry he could make people.

[Dr. Art]

I belived I posted a response to this on another board that you posted this question on. Briefly, you can find what you want by reading:
Creating Capacity for Attchment edited by Arthur Becker-Weidman, Ph.D., & Deobrah Shell, MA, OK: Wood 'N' Barnes, 2005
Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes, Ph.D.

and on my website.

regards

[tweetie92]

Hi~

My DH and I adopted our two sons when they were toddlers, and they started kindergarten this fall. They are non-sibling brothers but are from the same orphanage. Both of them have RAD, and one also has ADHD.

We are working have been working with an attachment therapist since we brought them back and it has made a world of difference on their improvement and ability to thrive/bond with us.

Son A) Lies, steals, hoards food, severe tantrums, and is very manipulative. He also is very sweet, kind, and loving as well. He refused to have anything to do with either of us, mostly my DH when we brought him back home. It took him 3 months for him to let DH hold him without him screaming for 15 minutes straight or until he would put him down because he didn't want to be held by DH. And, he would run from my DH, or any other man. We aren't sure why, and this was very strange we thought. Now, he is able to hug my DH, let him hold him, and he says 'I love you daddy' every night and he cries when DH is away on business trips. So, we have gained some ground with the therapy. However, from time to time he still lies and steals, hoards food, and is manipulative.... and that we think will just be apart of him for a while, or until he gets it out of his system. We know it isn't directed at us.

Son B) He has ADHD. He had a very rough upbringing and was taken from his birthmom in an overseas government, which is unheard of due to neglect and abuse. It just breaks our hearts knowing this, and how he also has FAE, and is borderline FAS, but they aren't sure not knowing how much his birthmom drank during her pregnancy. He definitely is a typical child of ADHD/RAD. He is destructive, verbally abusive, disrespectful, charming to others and manpiulative yet treats me with no respect, physically abusive, harms animals, severe tantrums, no eye contact- only on his terms, and lies. These are things he mostly does inside our household. He sometimes lashes out at others outside of the home, but it is a rare occurance. We aren't sure why. He likes to hurt those that matter most to him we have figured out; his mommy, his daddy, and his brother.

However Son B, like his brother, he too has some positive gains. From when we brought him back he has made progress. He doesn't throw fits every 10 minutes or over every single thing anymore unlike he used to. He is calmer and more subdued, respects others (usually), listens in school (finally), is excelling in school at the level of a normal/above level kindergartener-amazing considering they thought he was not even going to make it to kindergarten by the age of 7 due to his delays at the age of 2, has a better attitude towards life and other people, wants to please others-including his daddy and family; except his mommy- imagine that for a RAD child (most RAD children don't want to have anything to do with their mommys- why is that?), and he plays better with other children by 85-90%.

The attachment therapist referred us to a child psychologist for Son B. That screwed up our insurance, so we can't see the attachment therapist only for family therapy now, and on rare occasions. And, we really don't need to much more anyway. I see a counselor on my own for my own purposes. It is taking care of myself because being a parent of a child with special needs takes a toll ones self-esteem and exhausts ones measures parenting. "Am I doing the right thing?"- etc. Then I don't second guess myself so much. It helps me realize I'm worthy of myself, a spouse, and a parent.

I have some stories to share and I'll post them soon.

J