[magcats]

I would really like to hear from people who have had difficult times convincing family and friends that your child has attachment issues.

My daughter's attachment issues are not that severe. We have had her for a year and four months. In the beginning she would back in to us for a hug, called other adults "Mama" and "Papa" plus she would go to them for attention, nurturing and permission, she was and still is very charming and indiscrimately affectionate, she is still highly excitable in new situations and any time she's around a lot of people, she argues every issue, and chatters incessantly.

I have had friends and family say the usual, "She's normal, all children are like that", etc. Most of them never have read the first article about the disorder. Those that have now tell me that they just don't see any of those issues with her. Yet, of course, they are not around her all of the time.

I do believe she has bonded to us, but yet I know that she would walk off with a stranger.

Any suggestions?
Magcats

[Lorraine123]

The old saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" is so true. If people don't want to learn, you can't make them. It is so frustrating, believe me, I understand. You just have to do what is best for your daughter.

[lucyjoy]

Nancy Thomas has a tape for family and friends called Circle of Support that briefly explains the disorder and what family can do to support the parents.

The Attachment Disorder Network also puts out a news letter bi-monthly. I gave them to my family.

People who weren't interested in learning or sabatoged my child's healing didn't see us much. It's hard when people closest to us don't understand when they should know us enough to take us at our word.

It can be very lonely and isolating to parent a child with these issues. I've found it helps to find other families like mine that can understand what I'm dealing with and that I can share experiences with.

Hope your family comes around.

[kamamsm]

It IS annoying and hurtful! I've dealt with it. People see you doing "backward parenting" in order to help this child. They even see how tired and frustrated you may be. Then these brillant people say something stupid about how tough you are on the child, or how sad they feel or sorry for them. It really is infuriating. And if they're stupid enough to say it infront of the child - the child will be gleeful and happy that they caused such a rift.
My family member changed his tune when my radish cut his sofa up with a knife. ( I was like -now how sorry are you for the darling?)
Its hard to educate people that while one
should feel empathy for what the child has been through and absolutely love & care about the child, one should trust the adult that is telling them about the disorder. Hang in there.

[ll_bay]

Just another word of encouragement. My parents had to see my daughter in a full-fledged rage before they understood why we parent her the way we do. My in-laws have never seen a rage and thus are still in the dark and still tell us we're too strict and "all kids are like that." If only they knew... But now they probably never will, because she has come a long ways and doesn't need to rage any more. Oh well. Not like I'd want to them to see one anyway, because as so many of you know, it sure isn't pretty!

[Dr. Art]

Asking for their help can bridge that gap. Then, when they agree to help, have them read Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes and/or attaching in Adoption by D. gray. If they won't read the book, then I'd write them off as not helpful and as probably damaging to your family at this point in time. If relatives want to be a part of your family they need to understand what is required or you need to be able to cut them out for the time being.

regards