[megsmom]

Hi I'm new to this part of the board. We have a 5 yr old little girl that was adopted at birth and just 2 weeks ago adopted an 18 month old little boy- I had no idea what I was in for w/ a toddler adoption- we have had him for 2 weeks now and his birth mom placed him, he has been cared for mostly by a grandma, his birth mom didnt want to transition him just placed him w/ us after 2 hours of meeting w/ her...
So now we are home and both my hubby and I are clueless on how to make this little one be ok w/ where he is now and attach to us.. He is a pretty good child a typical 1.5 year old boy and i mean ALL boy but he wont talk and gets pretty upset when he is not given what he wants NOW, we feel he is attaching somewhat, but we dont know what to do to make it all go smooth- right now our home is in an uproar! HELP please I'd love suggestions!
Thank you

[Jensboys]

RUN (dont walk) RUN and buy Toddler ADoption: The Weaver's craft.

What you want to focus on now is attachment - lots and lots of attachment. Expect and encourage him to regress. Cuddle, hold, love on him as much as possible. Understand that he will grieve and fight the attachment but that is normal. Dont leave him at all right now. Dont allow others to caregive for him (ie feed him, bathe him, change him) that sort of thing should ONLY come from you.

Good luck - it wont take long, but it does take skills.

Jen

[leaabc123]

Establish a consistent routine and keep to it as much as possible. This will allow him to have some predictability in his world.
Simple things like saying "we are going home to our house now" after a trip will let him know where he lives.

[Ellen Adams]

I think perhaps I just need reassurance that this is normal and will pass. We are out of the country on our adoption trip and have been with our two and a half year-old daughter for less than a week. She quickly bonded with Daddy and has almost COMPLETELY rejected me. I have read "Weaver's Craft, " and expected some of this, but it seems to be getting worse rather than better. She's rather combative with me and likes to throw large objects at my face at times. She will not allow me to do ANYTHING for her when my husband is around and seems so angry and upset in his absence. I have been through the overseas adoption of our son as an infant and apparently wasn't truly emotionally prepared for the many issues of an enraged but adorably cute toddler!!!

[spaypets]

DD came home when she was 18 months old--We held her _all_ the time -- so much that I got a callous on my forearm. We left her on the bottle and fed her and rocked her to sleep at night--really babied her. We also didn't have a lot of contact with outsiders in the beginning -- at least a month.

Ellen, fear not, it's only been a short time. It is normal and you should do as much of the feeding as possible.

Meg, one thing we did was sign language with our DD -- that way she could make her needs known even if she couldn't make the words happen.

Look at it this way -- it often takes 6 months for an adult dog to bond to a new family--we shouldn't expect children to attach so quickly.

[megsmom]

Ellen this also was the same with Seth he attached to daddy and hated me now that we are home and i do almost all the care its getting better...

Thanks for help and ideas here!!