[Kiana]

My husband and I are considering adopting a baby from China. We're in our mid 30's with no children as of yet, and are looking at China for many reasons, one of them being their good reputation for low incidence of fas.

Attachment problems scare the heck out of me, and I'm wondering how often it happens with young babies (under 1 year) that they can't attach to their new parents. Could anyone give me a heads up on this one? Thanks!

Kiana

[whoownsthis]

Hmm...I'm surprised nobody has responded to your post, yet.

From my research (including lots of well-informed posts here), I've learned that it's not that a child CAN'T attach, it's just that because they've suffered early trauma (removal from birthmother or a neglectful or abusive environment), they don't yet know HOW to attach.

The younger the child, the better the odds, but even teenagers can learn to attach! I have read that you need to use intense "paradoxical (attachment-based)" parenting and possibly attachment therapy for at least one month for every year of the child's age. But attachment parenting should be used with infants, anyway.

You might also want to have the child tested for sensory integration issues (if she cries when touched, fed, noises, light, etc.). Babies in orphanages learn to tune out the many noises around them, so they might be sensitive to these.

RE: how often attachment disorder occurs? Some stats I've heard are 50% of all children who are adopted after 1 year of age, suffered early neglect and/or abuse, or lived in an orphanage. So the odds aren't great for your future daughter, but if you are prepared and learn how to parent effectively, she'll have a great future ahead of her!

Rebecca

[dadfor2]

how common is it?...it depends on who you ask. i beleive a child under 2 yrs old has a better chance of attaching to their caregivers. I wouldnt worry to much. Will there be some issues, maybe, but that shouldnt stop you from adopting....time is wonderful.

the first two years of a childs life, the brain is still developing and the stimuli a baby gets from birthmom is important.

but the baby girl you are talking about, her brain is still developing, so i wouldnt worry to much.

ok, now to get real honest....

YOU NEED TO PUT THE BOOKS DOWN....if you really want to read some books, look at adopting children from china. Read about the culture, things like that...

the baby is far too young to even think about 'what could be wrong'. I know people think you better be prepared, but i disagree...

enjoy this time, enjoy the time with your husband about having your baby come home.

sometimes we read everything to be prepared for anything that comes down the pike....and then all of a sudden we start getting cold feet (very normal).

please, dont worry about the attaching stuff....i could give you tips on parenting the unattached child, but the child is a baby and you have no choice to do attachment parenting....

ok, 1, 2, 3.....BREATH!!! ahhhh.....youll be fine, im sure the baby will be fine, and everything will be just as you planned. STOP READING THE BOOKS!!!!

as for RAD...i dont believe its that common. attachment issues, yes, but RAD, no.

kids that do have attachment issues, it takes them longer to trust and bond but it does happen. RAD (reactive attachement disorder) is something different.

enjoy enjoy....hope your baby comes home soon.

[Peggy]

I read an article on Children adopted from China, and their possible attachment issues. I think it was on Dr. Art's site. Rad and attachment issues are not the same. Generally babies from China attach to their new families, though there is a transition period, and may be some issues that have to be worked on.

[dadfor2]

oh, i forgot to mention, please dont expect the baby to attach to you as soon as you pick the baby up.

i didnt want you to think that it should be an instant attachment.

it will take time for the baby to understand who the 'new' caregiver is, but the fact the baby is still under 1 yrs old, there should be no reason why this baby wouldnt be able to attach to you.

[markrmiller]

In 2000, I traveled to China and brought home my 10 month old daughter. After an initial reluctance to leave her loving caregiver's arms, once I fed, her, bathed her and slept with her for one night, she has been inseperable. Within 12 hours she knew who her father was. She is more "attached" than our other daughter who we have known since day one of her life.

Emprical evidence would suggest that the amount of physical touching a child is exposed to in related to the attachment disorder that you are worried about. The typical attachment disorder child has been completely without any sort of loving or compassionate care. We all remember the pictures and videos of negected children in Romania years ago.

China is a differnent story. There is so much love for these girls. Each orphanage that I am aware of is well staffed by caring care givers.

I took my daughter back to her orphanage just a couple of days after she was placed in my arms to take photos and what not. The caregivers all wanted to see her and hold her. She, my daughter, was happy to see them and went to them without a hitch.

Bottom line - attachment disorder is a product of neglect. I know from first hand experience that neglect is not a common problem in China. The Chinese government is very savy and know that the heathier these beautiful young woman are, the more likely they are to be adopted.

Are all of the young girls from China 100% healthy 100% of the time? No. Neither are the young girls in this country.

Studies have shown that assuming no neglect, a child is very resilient up until 5 or 6 before showing any long term effects of growing up in an institution. A friend of mine recently adopted a 5 year old from China. Her adjustment problems are identical to any 5 year old's growing issues. She is well-adjusted, loving, spoiled, naughty, nice, listens well, misbehaves, minds her manners, doesn't listen.... get the point.

Finally, check and meet with your nearest national Families with Children from China (FCC). Go the monthly meeting.

mark miller
jacksonville florida

[Dr. Art]

The younger the child the better. Generally, children adopted before the age of 6 months fare no differently than those raised from birth. Once you get into the 12 to 24 month range, then you will experience an increasing amount of difficulty and have some work to do to make up for the "neglect" that institutionally raised children experience. You don't have FAS to worry about and, generally, most children adopted from China under the age of 1 to 1.5 do just great. My daughter was 6 months old when we adopted her.

regards and good luck.

[Kiana]

Haven't been on the boards for a very long time and was touched to see all your responses. Thank you for the encouragement!

Kiana

[Dr. Art]

In addition to reading about the culture and such, two excellent books for you to read to prepare are:

Attaching in Adoption by D. Gray

Becoming a Family by Lark Eshleman, Ph.D.

regards