[kune]

Isn't attachment disorders more a case of detachment. Not being able to detach from a relationship - even if the relationship has nothing sustain it. Especially in the case of closed adoption, there is an innate attachment to someone that is part of our very being, but without knowledge and touch, there is nothing to sustain it except perhaps a vague remembered perception of belonging? Is it possible we model our future relationships on that level both to protect ourselves, and to test the acceptance of others?

[Catlover]

I've been reading a lot about attachment disorders, because I believe the teen I'm adopting has a problem. So I can't speak to this from the birthparent point-of-view. With many fkids and akids, they can't attach. The pathways in the brain did not develop properly which causes problems in other areas, as well. Therapy focuses on helping the child form those pathways. It is intense and structured as I understand it.

The child does remain "detached" in that they are separate from. They may crave the closeness, but don't know how to get there. And the thought also terrifies them because so many people have come and gone through their lives.

This is a simplistic answer based on my reading. You might want to check out Dr. Art and some of the attachment threads. He or one of the other experts might be able to address the bparent issue.

[kune]

catlover

I totally agree - I think it comes in many guises, but whether its from a childs, adults, adoptees or a birthparents point of view I think, is irrelevant. As adults, we just display it in different ways. The "seperate from" not knowing how to " and".....not knowing how to get there" is something that I find really hard when trying to reconnect with my birthson. Two adults trying hard to knock down walls is my best description and.......its all a guess. But you describe it well - as it is - and I'll continue to work on this puzzle that trips me up so often.
Good luck with your teen - and thanks for your imput.