[baby birman]

okay first of, im new here and have no idea if im welcome here and where i shouldve posted this...but i just had to post this somewhere...

i was adopted when i was a baby and i found out about it not so long ago. but that explained why my parents have never loved me or cared about me. they always just drink and when they do it, specially my dad is very violent and im scared of him. when i was younger i didnt understand why my parents never hugged me or told me i was wanted or loved. they just ignored me and if i did something that pissed them off, they hit me.
but now that i got to know that theyr not my real parents, i understand why theyve been so mean and unloving to me.

ive thought about what my real parents and family would be like. ive wanted to get to know them and i still do. but i dont know what i should do. my parents wont tell me.

ive been alone all my life and i just wanna feel loved. ive thought about why my parents adopted me if they never really wanted me and ive thought about why my real parents gave me away.

im so desperate and id really wanna find my real family. ive always been alone and i still am and no one just seems to care! and thats why i thought that maybe if i found my real family, id finally be and feel loved.

[nancygeoghegan]

Hello - I think you may want to talk to other adoptees. Perhaps someone here on the forums has been through a somewhat similar situation.

Any one out there had a similar situation?

[politicog]

I'm not exactly an adoptee, but I have had some similar experiences. My parents were divorced before I was 3, so my dad was never really a major part of my life. When I was about 5, my mother and I lived with her boyfriend, who was definitely physically abusive to me, and I have since learned may have been to my mother as well.

My mom died when I was 6 years old, and from that time I was raised by my grandparents. My grandparents were great, wonderful, loving parents to me. But I think in large part I was not responsive to some of the loving things that they did for me, simply because I had experienced chaos in my early life. I did often question why my mother died (she committed suicide) and why no one really seemed to want me. I ended up creating my own world, where mentally it really didn't matter to me.

As to findinng your birth family, I think that is a good goal for you to have. I assume that you are over 18, if so there should be some sort of adoption registry in your state that could assist in your search. If you're currently under 18, you're not likely to get far in your search without your adoptive parents' assistance.

I would also caution you about over fantasizing about how life would have been like with your birth family. There is a high probability that it wouldn't been that different than it was with your adoptive parents. I do not state this to discourage you. I often fantasized an ideal world in which I had both parents to raise me and care for me as I grew up. I have had to come to realize that was nothing more than wishful thinking on my part. I have come to realize that my living with my grandparents was the best thing that had happened in my young life.

I do not in any way condone the abuse that your adoptive parents inflicted on you (physically and psychologically). When they assumed the legal responsibilities of being your parents, they then assumed all the duties that entails, including the duty of loving and nurturing you.

For a long time, I was a very frustrated teenager and adult. I had things in my past that were still affecting me and how I related to the world. There is hope. The cycle can be broken.
If you want to PM me and talk about this privately, that would be fine with me.


Roger