[Chrescht]

I have two recently adopted daughters, 7 and 10. They have lived with us for over two years in fostercare. At first, we had all these battles described, mroning through evening. Then I realized that if I made it MY problem, it would be MY problem. So, now I try my best not to make it my problem. So the morning routine was drawn out on a poster and written down. Get up, make your bed, get dressed, brush hair, pack bookbag, sit in your chair when done and I give you breakfast. Any of these things not done, I don't give you breakfast (both have a second breakfast at school, so its no big deal). Then brush teeth, put on shoes and coat, wait for bus. My oldest went to school in her pajamas once because she threw tantrums all morning and had nothing done when the bus came, and in her slippers once because she refused to put on her shoes because her sister had moved them. After that, they realized it was not MY problem but THEIRS, and mornings are wonderful, we have time to chat and read email and everything gets done. Once in a while they need to check if all is still the same, and realize very quickly that it still is. Same with evenings, I read and they get a cookie if all gets done in time without a fuss, and they know that! We have a box in which all toys that are not cleaned up disappear and chores need to be done to get them back out. If something is in the box for a few weeks without the child attempting or succedding to get it out, it goes to the salvation army. Clothes that lie aroung on the floor also go to the salvation army. Now this may seem very strict, but honestly, it has turned me from a constantly nagging MOM into one that hardly ever nags, I am in a much better mood and the family has much more fun together because the battles are gone. So much said, I have found no good way yet to deal with the 10 year old's homework, I cannot make her do it, and she won't do it and she will sit on a chair for several weeks straight to avoid doing it. She is a master at having fits because she hopes for time out to get out of things. Chrescht