[lucyjoy]

I have a very snarky, angry 12 year old. In addition to his attachment therapy, the therapist suggested I find something to do for fun with him. While this makes sense, my son sabatoges anything fun and I'm having a hard time coming up with much.
Any ideas that don't cost a lot of money? He also doesn't do well in public as he steals anything in sight. In another month he can start swiming with me again(which he does like), but I need something else. Any ideas?

[Cleopatrick]

It's been a long time since we had a 12 year old boy here. I know he loved roller blading. Although rolling blading with me consisted of him holding my arm and dragging me down the road LOL. What about a karate/judo type of class? Or is this not a child you want to teach to fight? Video games you can play together? I'm actually pretty good at the Playstation 2 now! I play it with my five and six year old sons. Tennis? I've never played but it seems like a two person sport you could do in less public places then some of the others. Let me know what you come up with, I curious now. Or nosy, however you want to think of it, lol.

[HappyMomAnna]

Gee Lucy sounds like so much fun--My best friend died last year leaving behind her 12 year old who really had a blah attitude about everything anyone suggested that might be fun..... The family he is with went around and around looking for something or anything fun to do and recently found Archary (spelling?) I am not sure how much it costs to do on your own, but I have gone with Luke now a couple of times and It really is a blast!

In our area there is actually a safe--inside building with all the safety equipment and tools and you pay by the hour we only paid $2.50 and hour and an hour was more then enough time.... Luke has really enjoyed it and it has actully been great relief for some of the anger he has over his mothers death...he always knew it would happen oneday--but was very hurt when it did and has self hurt for doubting it would....last time we went together he would pull his bow back and say--and this is for not giving me one more day with her......and this is for making her hurt on the way out.....and this is for making it where she could'nt talk the last 5-days....and this is cuz I am really mad....
Of course this would not be the best activity if you are someone who is NOT in favor of wepons or that kind of stuff---but I sure think it has been great for Luke especially when one of his arrow makes the bulls eye.....

Just an idea--It may not be appropriet for everyone

[lucyjoy]

Tennis might work, I'm terrible, but I know where the courts are.
NO weapons or fire or use of body as weapons(been assaulted more than enough times). Can't do video games-interferes with part of his brain that doesn't work well. He really has a good sense of humor, he just seems to be really stuck in a feel sorrow for me while I make you all miserable mode and won't budge.

[PinkRibbon]

What about finding a rock climbing wall? It's not free, but not expensive either. I'm much better at finding girl activities

[vicrose]

How about kicking around a soccer ball, or maybe have him join a league. I am a big soccer fan...it's a great game, and is inexpensive to play...all you need is a ball, and even if he doesn't get on a league..you and he can go in the back yard..make a couple of trees the goals...and just horse around and have some fun....be ready for a workout though, there is a lot of running!! Hugs, Brenda

[lucyjoy]

We do do some soccer and it is a great sport. We have a great yard. I need it to be something he does with me and a team wouldn't do it. He has such a pull to manipulate, he's almost non functional in a group of people.

[HappyMomAnna]

Yeah--I am not a real big fan of weapons either--and very much not with kids that have been assulting in anyway.....

hummmmm...... There is a lady in my neighborhood who put up flyers to be a 'dog-walker' and in less then 3-weeks she was so busy with so many dogs she needed to hire help.... Lately I have noticed sub-contracting going on with some 'younger' boys and it seems like they are having a great time! I wonder if you and he could get some 'bussiness' walking a few neighborhood dogs and also earn some play money? This could be both fun and good exercise and responsibility....

On the same lines--long walks or bike rides (if you can handle it ) I don't know about your area but we have some great bike trails to explore....In Oregon RAIN is part of life so we do things all year.

Maybe he would be interested in starting an herb garden? Once with my older kids we did one and ended the summer with our own freash herb speghitti sauce and salad--It might sound a 'little' girly but, the truth really is most chefs and expert gardeners are usually men!

We also have a place where you can buy real clay--take it home and make things and then have it fired---on Staurdays they have a painting class and fire the second time...The clay is about $5.00 for 50 pounds, $2-8 dollars for the first fireing and $6.00 for the paint/fire class--It can get spendy if you make too much stuff---but it is a great deal of fun.

[vicrose]

OK, gotcha...wasn't sure...so that sport wouldn't work unless it was just you and he playing in the yard!! My kids play all different types of sports...and as such, I get to see a lot of different personalities...and being that we are in public school...I often see that they sometimes have children on they're teams that have disablitities such as your childs....my son ran cross country for a couple of years with a couple of little boys that would just run, and run....and even though they were not the fastest runners...it gave them a lot of self esteem..because they finished the race...I remember one boy would come in last everytime.....and all of us parents would just sit on the sidelines and cheer him on.....he was ...and I have to say that we were so glad to have a runner from our team who would never give up. I obviously have no experience in the type of disablity that your son has...I have just been exposed to children who have the same type disablity, and this running was a great sport for them!! Best of luck in whatever sport that you and your child select!!Hugs, Brenda

[dadfor2]

run run run..........i run alot with my older son, i take him to the track and also play basketball with him which sometimes gets frustrating for him though when he cant get it in the hoop, so maybe basketball might not be the best, but depends how much your son is into sports.

soccer is great, because its very active.

i have also played this game, mind you, the games i suggest are more to release steam then attachment, but i play 'around the house'

where we are basically running around the house,

if i am it, i run around the house and if i spot them, i call their names out...and then they are it....the idea is around every corner of the house i see if they are there, if not, i just keep going...so they have to run as fast they can....

im starting to get a little path around the house...but they love it....lol. its free and its fun.

dadfor2

[xarmyboy]

My 12 yr old son and I do lots of things together. He is bright and sensitive and a lot of fun to be with. I don't know if he would have turned out that way anyways or if my spending quality time with him has made an effect.
We like to go camping and fishing. We play pool by the hour downtown. Not all pool halls are not the seedy places they used to be. The one I go to is a family place with lots of parents and kids. Bowling and cycling are cheap. Walks in the woods create lots of opportunity to chat and you can also teach him stuff about nature. The kids love laser tag. Although kind of violent in nature it only costs us $7.00 a round and you get a good work out from all the running around and no-one gets hurt. Ask any parent who has been, it is a blast. You could go to the Y. They have lots of activities all the time and surely something would interest your boy. My boy likes going to the skate board park. I don't participate but I enjoy watching him and the other kids.
Baseball is an inexpensive organised summer sport. My guy also plays youth darts at the Legion on Sunday mornings.
I guess there are lots of activities out there, you just have to go out there and find them and discover what your lad would like to do. Does your town have a leisure activities branch. Check with town hall and they can give you lots of info on what's available in your area.

Good luck.

[lucyjoy]

Lots of good ideas. The problem isn't exactly finding things he's like to do-at this point, he will hate anything he has to do at all.
Also, burning energy isn't an issue, either. Getting the child to move is. He's thin, strong, and very athletic. Problem is, he wants to go back to his country of origin where he is an outcast and nothing would be expected of him. He feels he steals well enough to survive on the streets there. He probably could, but that wouldn't be in his best interest. I also have 6 other boys at home, so if I spend $7.00 on one it will cost me $49. This child is home schooled so I have a little more leeway(he was "fired" from school in Nov as the teacher couldn't handle his not doing anything at all in the most polite manner).
With little kids youn can sleep with them, swing them around, play in the mud. I'm looking for something a 12 year old can do that will recreate some of that bonding type fun kids have even though he thinks he doesn't want it or need it. Things where I watch him perform are counter productive.

[xarmyboy]

Sounds like you have your hands full but I commend you on your stick-to-it-iveness. Have you tried councelling for this boy? My boys were no problem but they both did tae-kwon-doe for a year.
It built thier self confidence and gave them more respect for themselves and others. School marks improved and they became a little more outgoing. I know cost is a factor for you but perhaps if you went to different martial arts schools and learned the teacher's philosophy and then explained your situation they may be able to help. Most of these schools are privately owned and they really want to help to develop youngsters into decent citizens so you may find one that will give you a break. After all how much more work is it if you have 1 extra student? I suggested learning the teacher's philosophy first because there are some out there that are just building thugs and bullies and not good citizens. You will be able to tell the difference. If you are unsure just ask to observe one class. If you are not allowed then run away and try someone else.

Good luck, keep trying, he is worth it.

Lucy,

Would he be ok with a small pet? My 12 year old just bought himself a pet hamster and it has been the two of us working to make sure we do the right thing for "alvin". He loves this ani,mal and is showing some responsability in taking care of him. We have been to pet stores,just the two of us,we have been online learning about hamsters, we have "worked" side by side figuriing out what in heavens name we are supossed to do with this little furry thing(he or she is very cute). This is HIS PET but the rest of the faMILY CAN ENJOY HIM ALSO. It makes cory feel special and important because he is "IN CHARGE" of him. He is able to make the rules about who can hold him ect. All with my supervision of course.

Now obvisiouly if this child has so much rage and could hurt the animal...this may not be a good idea!!!

Donna

[maddyboosmom]

Another suggestion for quiet play would be doing model cars or airplanes etc. They are in expensive, and it always the child to express creativity. I know my 12 year old loved doing models, and now at 16 has a huge passion for cars.


Maddyboosmom