[miarra]

Hello, I adopted my son who is now 15. I adopted him with his four other siblings. For the last year and a half he has began to "wander" after getting off the bus after school. He refuses to come home because "he wants to be out". I have recently had him to his doctor. Who said he probably has RAD. My question is can children develope this at this age? He came to me at four years old. He had been through three or four foster homes and abused in his bio home. Because no one cared to take the time to love him he bonded very quickly to me. He was a bed wetter from the time I got him but the night after I adopted him he has never wet the bed since. Now I have this weird behavior going on and no matter how much I talk to him about why he's doing this the behavior just continues. Any help from anyone would be appreciated. Thanks!!

[lucyjoy]

He could develop issues with attachment like if a parent died or something, but he cannot be attached and then get RAD. RAd occurs between birth and 3years of age.

I have six teens and doing stupid things that make no sense is part of the package. They think noone can tell them what to do and nothing can hurt them. However, schizophrenia and other disorders can begin to show up at age 15 so a good psychologist or psychiatrist to screen out mental health issues like those might be in order.

Although your sons early life history could lead for screening for RAD, there are other criteria and if behavior problems are new for him, I would no think that was the case.

[ellekay]

I'm not an expert, but as a mother of 3 biological teens (and one soon-to-be adopted toddler), it sounds like he may just be realizing that there is alot more out there in the world to explore! Is there a girl he may be interested in in the neighborhood? If your communications are good, and nothing else drastic has changed, then I would assume this is quite normal behavior! Good luck!

Laura

[dadfor2]

RAD.....doesnt sound like it to me, it sounds like a 15 yr old boy.......lol

sorry, dont want to make light of it. when i was 15, the last thing i wanted to do was be home..im sure it hurt my mom, but hey, i was 15...I was becoming a MAN!.....

you mentioned there are three other kids in the house. maybe he just needs some quiet time.

does he seem depressed? Is he getting alot of tests at school?

keep the door to communication open, let him know your there, but dont hound him.......

sounds like a teenager to me.

what doctor told you he has RAD, that just doesnt make sence or there is a big piece missing to the story

dadfor2

[HappyMomAnna]

Yesterday I was playing on the internet and stuck our last name in on a search ------and what did I see? Some crazy ranting my now 19 year old daughter did when she was 15 for a school computer project---some lost web page out there for the world to see.......ranting and raving about ME!

Oh my gosh the things this girl wrote--felt and said! Never in my wildest imagination did I think my daughter felt this way--let alone to write a web page for a computer project. YIKES--I contacted her school and asked them to remove it--they did within an hour!

She was only 15 the day she wrote all that junk!

If you have had your son since he was 4 and this is your first weird thing with your bond and his attachment to you--WELCOME to the horrible world of mothering a teen! When my husband was 16 he hich-hiked to Mexico! For no appatent reason! He caused his parents more problems then any ten kids put together! Guess what he is now the MOST successful member of his family and he did a whole lot of wondering as a youth!

Your son may like some girl who lives down the road and needs some 'exposer' on the street to attract her attention......you cannot get noticed if you go right home....

Or he could be facing the normal teen exploration experience---some kids this age crawl out windows in the middle of the night--or don't even bother to come home after school...... Have you taked to him? Asked him what it is that is calling him to wonder and not check in? Maybe he would be happy if you asked him to come home and check in and then give him a chance to wonder within some limits--like to come home at a certain time or call if he goes to a friends house?

RAD or attachment problems would have been clear far before now--kids this age want to disconnect with their parents--it is normal.

[Dr. Art]

Your child could have Reactive Attachment Disorder, based on history...but if you'd had not problems till now; no superficial engagement, sneaky behaviors, only providing responses he thinks you want, etc etc. then you are experiencing some normal teen rebellion. RAD does not develop in teens or appear at a late age. Symptoms are present from a very young age.

A good book you might want to look at is
Pareting Teens with Love and Logic by Jim Fay & Foster Cline

regards.

[miarra]

Thank you for all your advice. It's good to know there are people out there to talk with. At anyrate, my son just came out of a psychiatric unit for threatening to kill all of us. There is diagnosed mental illness and more pending. In fact as we speak I am waiting for a return call from the unit because last night he told me he feels like he's going to kill himself and this morning I find out he forced his younger brother to sleep with him. I think this is just the beginning to a very long and frustrating road for him and all of us. Thanks again.

[lucyjoy]

You must be feeling really "shell shocked" Maybe the doctor was right about the attachment disorder and your son was just more passive aggressive and wasn't so obvious. How sad for your family!!

[HappyMomAnna]

miarra--I am so sorry to hear this news. This is more info and I agree there may have been attachment issues and he may have simply blended in all these years---OR--he may be suffering from a mental health issue some of these do not show up until an older age especially some that are genetic.

Oh please do keep in touch here--it does sound like your family will need all the support you can get deal with the things.

Has all of this come on suddenly or have you been seeing these things build up and change recently?

We are here to be as supportive as we can possibly be for you.

[miarra]

Hi, I had my son readmitted last night to the psych unit. There is schizophrenia in the bio family(both maternal and paternal gradmothers, and a paternal uncle), parents were never tested. My oldest son, who is now 17, went through similar behaviors at this age. He is now diagnosed with six mental illnesses and is on heavy meds. I don't see the same extremes as with my oldest son. Although I do see depression, and he is now being treated for that, I think alot is acting out to an extent because it all started over two years ago when the older one was placed in residential. They both were always placed together so the older one has always been the only constant in his life. And he never had a problem until after the seperation and more so after it was decided that the older one no longer has contact with the others. This is due to the fact that he has reactive attachment disorder and the rejection he displayed was too hard on the other kids. Also, he tried to have sex with my then 8 year old daughter. There have sexual harrassment issues of one kind or another since then. Anyway, I thank you for your concern and I will keep you posted. Thanks again-it means a lot!!