[carolinec]

hi all. I have not participated in this forum yet, but have been reading and doing some research because of the child in our care, for the last year. She is in the process of , hopefully, being adopted by us, but we have some competition and am worried about her being moved again, if the other person is granted the adoption...

a little background,

D came to us a year ago, at the age of 23 months, us being her 6th home since she was 2 months old. She had been dx'd as autistic and at 23 months old, could not walk, talk, play, make eye contact, she rocked constantly, pulled her hair out and ate it, and sadly, had no affect at all. Both parents are bi-polar and paranoid, and D has been up for adoption since she was 2 months old, an d because of her parents issues, and than later, her dx of autism, she remained in foster care. She has been with us a year now,a nd her autism dx has been recinded..tho a little delayed in speech and processing, she is a normal active 3year old, who after 2 long years, bounced around in the system, has bonded to my husband and myself as her mommy and daddy. My concern for her, is IF this other person ( I should mention she is a great aunt who lives out of state, and has met D only 2x's about 3weeks ago) I am worried that her bond, being broken with us, and having been neglected and moved so many times already, will traumatize her severely. It will be atleast another 4 months before they even make a decision as to who she will be raised by. Her reaction to this family member coming into her home, was quite severe ( couldn 't sleep, eat, play, focus, over stimulated by the tiniest thing, opver affectionate with strangers, violent outburts etc) behavior we had never seen in her previous to this "stranger" coming into her home. I stayed with her to try to calm her, but it didn't seem to help.

Her therapists thro EI saw her behavior and documented it, and after a week or so, she had calmed and everything is back to normal sorta speak. I am worried about what a move out of state could do to her, after a reaction like this?? Her entire world would change, not just her parents. Her school, therapits, doctors, friends, extended family, home, caregivers (parents) etc.... and it worries me a great deal as to how she could handle that all. She is now, a very calm, tho energetic child. Loves her family, extended family, friends, very attached to her surroundings, and has tolerated us moving, as long as we ( my husband and I) stayed with her, and slowly introduced new things to her. Any advice on how we can make a possible transition out of state easier if it comes to that? She would be with a single mother, who works 4am to noon, and spend time in a daycare from 3am til 1, with school and another family member watching her in the afternoons while the aunt slept. This worries me alot!

ANy advice or suggestions? Now that she has finally bonded to someone, ( us) I am concerned on what that could mean if it's broken, and what the "fall out" could do to her?

[Dr. Art]

Generally, once a healthy and secure attachment is developed, it can then be transfered to another. There will be a period of grief and loss, but once the capacity to form health and secure attachments occurs, it cannot be lost.

However, you may want to consult with an attorney about your rights and about how to contest the family placment, if you feel strongly about it.

I'd get an evaluation by a therapist who is licensed and who has specific training and experience working with adopted and foster children who've experienced maltreatment. Your child may have attachment difficulties or other issues that require special attention and that argue for continued placement on a perm. basis in your home.

regards