[Kathy]

Hello. My husband and I are thinking about adopting a 9-12 month old from one of the Central/South American countries. (We're not exactly sure which country yet.) Most of these countries seem to have orphanages, more so than foster care. How concerned should we be about attachment issues? What things should we be asking, looking for, etc.? Are any of the countries in that area more likely to have infants/toddlers with attachment issues than others? Thanks!

[Dr. Art]

If a child has spent a year in an orphanage, then the child will have some attachment difficulties. Orphanages do not provide one-to-one mothering that even comes close to what you'd do with a newborn. Typical ratios are 1:10 and higher!!

I'd suggest you read Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray. It will give you idea of what to do when you bring your child home. You may also want to consult with a mental health professional who primarily works with adopted and foster children.

For example, I usually recommend to prospective parents that you make the child's room look as much like th orphange a possible. that often means plain white walls, plain wool or cotton blankets, no colorful posters or toys or sheets, etc. An experienced professional can give you other helpful adivce onhow to "decompres" the child and help with integration into your home and facilitating attachment. As another example, I strongly urge families to take two months off to spend 24/7 with the child and to severely limit other family visits at first so that the child develops affective ties to you.

Best of luck

[nancyjhg]

Hi Kathy - We adopted from Guatemala - foster care - and our son was 4 months old. If I hadn't known what to look for I would probably of missed the subtle signs in infants.

In order to help my son, I pulled from several different sources and put together info that I could refer back to. I have attached this as a text document you should be able to open in Word. I hope you find it useful.

Go with the Gray book that Dr. Art mentioned too.

God bless.

Nancy G.

[nancyjhg]

Wow, that txt format really messes up the format! I am sending it through in a zip file.

[Late Bloomer]

NancyG, thanks so much for the good attachment info compiled into one document. I am now fostering an infant (13 days old today) and want to try and incorporate all I can. Am limited somewhat by having to work, but I get to spend week nights and mornings with the baby, plus all weekends. Weekday afternoons we have a regular babysitter in for 4 hours, and evenings my husband is with him. So at the very least he has three of us to deal with - attach to - which I know is not ideal.

We have no idea how long the baby will be with us; weeks, months, even a remote possibility of adopting. I've bought a Snugli and plan to use it as much as possible, and he sleeps in a small crib next to my bed with my hand laying on him often. He's so tiny I'm afraid to fall asleep with him in the bed 'cause I might roll over him! Social workers occasionally pick him up and take him for birth mom visits, etc., we have no control over that. I have allowed a couple friends to hold him, but realize now maybe I shouldn't? He's fairly resposive, will look us in the eye when feeding, talking, holding, and doesn't mind being held, although he squirms a lot when hungry, wet, etc. But calms down pretty consistently after being taken care of. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

[nancygeoghegan]

I am impressed! Sounds like you instictively knew what to do. Well done.

How is his eye contact? That was a big one with Ben - I could stand on my head and he wouldn't look at me lol.

If you have to work, you have to work - don't worry about it and just give him 100% when you are with him. He is fortunate to have someone who understands attachment and is better off for that.

When I went through this with Ben, I certainely was not able to do a lot of these things 100%. That was my goal but I didn't get upset if I couldn't.

Keep up the good work.

Talk soon.