[gavind]

Are we nuts? We have an easy going one year old and a strong willed four year old. We feel that we are overwhelmed with the desire to adopt a two or three year old to fill a gap between our kids. Additionally, we just desire to adopt (help a child in the world). We have had a difficult time with our four year old. He has displayed many of the issues we have heard toddlers who are adopted will display. Are we already skilled in handling strong willed children? Or are we risking sending our family into years and years of mayhem? We really cannot stop thinking about a little guy out there that we need (and he needs us).

[lucyjoy]

If a strange child came into your life with the behaviors your four year old displayed, would you have wanted to live with him everyday? If the new child and your four year old brought out the worst in each other, would you be able to treet them as if they were both bio kids? What if the new child displayed worse behaviors or targeted the younger child, could you still care for him as if he'd been born to you?

This, of course, is worse case senario and the child you take may be a calm, loving child. It's just important to be sure you're prepared for everything. Working with a strong willed child will definetly benefit you and you'll have a good understanding of what a child with a strong personality acts like which will help you spot potential problems before they get out of hand.

[gavind]

Thank you lucyjoy for all of your valuable input. I almost find it difficult at first to respond to the thoughtful people who respond to my questions. I read the response and my mind is racing to the point I can't write. I still have so many questions and ideas. I just wish I had a sweet little two year old already here and that the "process" did not lay before me. God has his timing.

Gavin

[Dianna]

After our second adoption, I wanted to adopt again because it is exciting, full of hope and dreams, and fun. What I needed to do was work with and enjoy the kids I had. That was much harder and less glamorous so to speak. Fortunately, our second couple had so many problems, it became clear that adopting again was not an option. I let go of dreaming and got down to business. Six years later, we did adopt again. Things worked out like they were meant to.

I am not saying that this is your situation. This is just what I experienced. Something to consider. Best Wishes.

[gavind]

Dianna,

Thank you for your reply. We do have similar situations if we have a high need child. Everyday I wonder if my little boy needs more family (numbers). He cannot need more of me (smile). He is as attachment parented as a kid could be. My whole church is trying to get him our of the sanctuary and into sunday school. My husband and I are comfortable holding our quite four year old on our laps (it is the only 1 1/2 hours a week is quite). I sit on our den floor much of the time we are home with the one year old hanging onto one shoulder and my four year old on the other. I still have two knees to share.

I truly appreciate your input. I will continue to reflect on this question. I will tell you our four year old has been demanding my attention since the day he was born. The birth of our daughter has only helped all of us broaden our worlds. We are amazed that our four year old is willing to share us with his sister. He is very loving to her. Additionally, he is usually begging for a play date by 8:00 am. God works in strange ways. I often wonder if my four year old has been so high maintance to force me to devote all my energy into the family. My first couple of years with him really shocked my system. Now, using the bathroom with the door open seems natural. Perhaps I have gone to far (too much information).

Thanks a ton!
Gavin