[neebob]

Yes, the therapists are definately helping with parenting techniques etc. My DH and I are now hopeful when we leave therapy sessions. THat wasn't the case before, to say the least.

As far as learning what living on the streets is like, a few yrs ago when being part of the family was a problem for her, she spent Christmas working in a soup kitchen instead of being with us.
And of course I'd call the police if she ran away - that's a known fact - I've done it! But she knows she can walk out the door without doing a plan. I'm confused about your statement "it isn't optional" - because I don't see how you can "force" someone to write a plan if they refuse. She has an option of running away without a plan. What am I not getting? I am in control of what I do, but not what she does.

Most parents can send their child to their room when they act up, my daug just refuses to go. I'm sure you understand what I mean.

"simply remind her" - I can't get a word in edgewise - she interupts, yells, walks away, etc. She's usually in a high state of agitation when there is any discussion.

I'm not balking at your advice, no way! I was just telling DH how great it is to get advice from someone who has teens with rad. I just need some explanation on how you've dealt with some of these issues. I hope it is something I can use. Always looking for tools.

And you are right, when her welfare is in question, she doesn't get a vote, if I think she's in need of something, I go for it. She claims therapy, dr's etc are emotional abuse. THat doesn't stop me from making the appts., hosp when nec, etc.

[lucyjoy]

She makes the run away plan either before she leaves or upon her return. She expects you to argue and plead with her. Don't.
My sonwould say I'm out of here and I'd grab paper and pen and say "great! Where are you going?" and respond according to what's said. Another option is sitting down after an upset and going over a plan when she's calmer.

Soup kitchens are the upside of living on the street. She needs to see the real thing.

Have you tried singing when she refuses to go to her room? When my kids refuse to comply life stops until they do and immediate therapy starts. Ask your therapist how he chooses to have you handle that. I'm not trying to be evasive, but what we do requires training and without it, there could have negative results.

I present a very strong, no fear front and my children know that I mean what I say and only the ODD kids bother to try to refuse much. You could also try saying "You can go to your room, or you can sit there and continue your fit while I get the camera." Then take pictures unless she went to her room.

Really, you need to sit down with your husband and the therapist and go over what you're willing to put up with and what happens when your daughter pushes to far. For me the line use to be when my son put his hands around his brothers throat. I now have a finer line. I accept no back talk. (Converstional discussion is fine if they feel something is unfair, but no back talk). All complaints must be in writing. If they continue verbally, I'll expect a longer complaint list before any privledges are returned.

I really don't have much more to tell you. I don't know your child and I've never seen your parenting(that's not an insult, we had to learn a whole new parenting style and every therapist has their own system).

If you want to talk off line, pm me and I'll give you my email. It helped me a lot to have someone to vent to when things were not going well. I'd be happy to listen if you want to do that.

[texcalif]

Our son has been home from Russia almost two years and he is almost ten years old now. I, too, parent by the seat of my pants due to the fact that there is no true attachment therapist here in East Texas (the closest is a 4-hour drive). We do play therapy, but that is just teaching him some social skills. <sigh>