[My PoohBear]

I've just started working on my dear bmom letter and it really is hard. How long should it be? I want to really introduce my DH and myself. On the other hand I don't wont to be too word. I don't want any one to look at it and think this is a book I'm not reading this. But I don't want to be too short that they walk away with major questions unanswered. Also I don't think you want to go for the sympathy thing. I've had this many miscarriages and have been trying for this many years. Man where’s the balance. I hope this didn't sound stupid.

[My PoohBear]

I love your idea that was very creative. A picture truly is worth a thousand words. Hearing your ideas and the ideas of others is such a big help. It gives me an idea on what directions I should take. I don't believe in copying someone else profile but if hear how one couple did there's can trigger an idea in me or anyone then I think that is great. Again thanks I think there are some light bulbs going on.

[cagurl]

I have just brought home a beautiful baby girl two days ago(from the hospital) we are doing a private/attorney adoption which is much easier than the agency adoption we did 2 years ago.
The attorney advised just one page of a brief discription of yourselves and then focus on parenting and what you hope a child will add to your life.To be honest neither of our birthmothers saw our letters until we met to get the babies.
Good luck on your journey to motherhood.I would highly recomment Private Adoption it is so much less of a hassle.The birthmom wants you to have her child so it's a private matter between you and her, the attorney just makes it legal.It is also MUCH cheaper than agency adoptions.Look for an attorney through the American Academy of adoption attorneys(find one who has reasonable fees)It took us one month to get an AA baby.The birth mom came to her office three days before the baby was born looking for help.The rest is history.

[My PoohBear]

Cagurl, I looked up attorneys at the American Academy of adoption attorneys. The only attorneys I found worked with agencies. I live in NC, where are you located and who did you use. If you prefer you can send me a private message. Thanks

[Marfrey]

I really wish people would stay away from generalizations. EVERYTHING about the cost and hassle-factor of adoption is very much dependent upon the circumstances of the specific situation. CAgurl, congratulations on your adoption - I'm so happy for you! Not every agency adoption takes years... just as not every attorney adoption takes a couple of months. Not every agency charges an arm and two legs to adopt an AA infant... just as not every attorney charges less than an agency adoption. A good agency provides a full spectrum of services. Often if you try to arrange for those services when doing a private (i.e. attorney) adoption, it can quite often end up costing you more. One person's adoption situation may be absolutely nothing like the next one that comes along. It's almost like the commercials for cars that state estimated gas mileage and then follow up that figure very quickly with "Your Mileage May Vary".

[terri34608]

Hi,
I received an E-Mail from
http://www.foreverfamilies.fcpages.com

She has 4 Babies to place A.S.A.P.

Terri

[terri34608]

I spoke with Jennifer yesterday. She told me thather fee is $500
and that the total for her adoptions can be under 13K. Total. I do not live in her State.

[My PoohBear]

From my understand Jennifer connects you with people in different states. Also I think the fee work like this:
ex: 9,500 legal fees included
All attorney and court cost included.
9,000 (for either the attorney, agency, facilitator)
+
500 (her fees)
9,500
Does that sound right to everyone?

[terri34608]

Thats Right on...
Exactally what she told me on the phone last night.

[DLee'sMom]

Well, I guess that is in line with agency fees, but it sure does seem like a lot of "piggy-backing" to me. Hopefully we will be able to adopt again, our son is one. I am looking into some different (lower cost) options this time instead of an agency. Seems like this referral thing is relatively new (?). I'm just now starting to see more of it.

[Marfrey]

I would strongly caution those of you considering using a referral agency, matching agency, facilitator, etc... first find out if this is legal in your state. In many, many states, it is illegal to pay someone who is not to a licensed adoption agency or an attorney to arrange an adoption.

I've noticed a growing trend of these types of places to "piggy-back" their fee into the fee you pay the attorney or adoption agency so you can get around the issue of referral/matching/facilitator being illegal in certain states. Be very careful of this since you are getting around the law.

When the letter of the law is followed in an adoption, you have little worry of the adoption being overturned down the line. When the letter of the law is not followed, well, you can draw your own conclusion.

I'm not saying don't use them, I'm just saying do your homework to find out the legal aspects of this - don't just trust the referral/matching/facilitator to tell you what is legal.

Adoption is more than a matter of love, it's a legal process as well and like it or not there are laws which must be followed. We don't have to like the laws but we are all expected to follow them.

Again... do your research.

[bellazmama]

Hi!

We each wrote a one-page single-spaced letter. By writing a letter from both myself and my dh, we could give her insight as to why we each wanted to adopt and to show that we are a two-parent family committed to the adoption.

Hope that helps!

Sarah

[My PoohBear]

I totally agree with Marfrey, research is the key. I don't know a lot about the referral services but I do know for sure a facilitator is illegal in NC.

If anyone hears anything about the referral services please share with the group. I think we would all like to know.

[cagurl]

I honestly did not mean to mislead anyone.I was just speaking about my experiences.I was just so overjoyed to have just brought our new baby home (who is 8 days old today).I have had 2 very quick adoptions.The first was through an agency and this one is private.I can not deny the contrasts between the two.I thought this forum was for sharing.I will be very mindful about opening myself up.I thought we were here to share and help each other through this maze.I learned everything I know about adoption from reading,and networking with others on how they created their families.I am not an EXPERT , I did not mean to imply that my experience was the only way to create a family. I will go back to lurking.

[terri34608]

I feel that these forums are to help others in the road to a Successful Adoption.
There is nothing wrong with writing your opinions on here. It will help someone in one way or another.

I look on here often for advice or negativity about other adoption situations.


Please Please Voice your stories with the rest of us..


Terri