[PHaley]

Hello, My name is Porschia
I joined this group because I am going through alot of thinking
trying to decide some things. I know that this is the right time for me to adopt and I know that 1
or more older and/or special needs children would "fit" into my life right now. I have
already spent plenty of time deciding to adopt, getting in touch with the Lord and realizing that this is where He was leading me, and researching how to adopt...I have always
dreamed of creating/developing/growing my family through adoption and recently
have decided to start the process.

My situation as a prospective parent is not the norm. I am 19,
single, african american, baptist, full time college student and work
from my own home based business. I live in a beautiful community near
(30 mins) the beach. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment (1 for me and 1
for my new child[ren]) and I have a puppy who cant wait for someone small & young
and full of enthusiastic youthful energy to play with her.

I am intereted in fostering/adopting an infant boy or girl or twins or a sibling group with the
oldest being a boy and if more than 2 with there being more boys than
girls. Ages 0-6 or 8. Bi/Multi racial or african american, but open to what is available, as God does not discriminate and pick and choose which of us He will love, He loves us all equally and I will do the same.

I am basically interested in feedback from some more exerienced
parents or persons familiar with adoption. I know this is what I want
I am just not sure if I am rushing, being unreasonable, missing any
key elements and really exactly how I should go about it. Please feel
free to give your honest opinions.
And I am really looking for any advice on how to reach my dream with little to no finacial investment. As a full time student even though I feel that i can provide adequetly for my family, these outragious fees I've seen are discouraging.


Thank you and God Bless
Ps I am hoping to become a mother by Summer(May -July) 2003...can I do it?

[lucyjoy]

Some states have age requirements for foster parents(our state is 25). You also should read Nancy Thomas' books and also can this Child be Saved and other books relating to childhood trauma and its affect on children so when the time comes, you'll be ready.

[AlissaLynne]

At this point I think you should see if you are legally able to adopt in your state. I know in my state most agencies are 21 years old, some are 25 years old. I am almost 35 years old and waited until I was 30 years old before children became a part of my thoughts. If I were you, I would contiune to pray about it and consult the Lord and your family members. If you are close to your pastor at church or even his wife talk to him. You might want to talk to your friends or family members who have children. As cute as kids are they are TONS of work. I am not sure which is easier, my two year old son or my 16 year old step son. My advice to you is to contiune to consult the Lord until you have no doubt in your mind that this is what you want to do.

Alissa

[christy342000]

Dear Porschia,

My name is Christy. I am the adoptive mother of 12 children. Three are my bio and my husband and I have adopted 9. We are looking to adopt our last daughter.

I won't question weather this is for you or not. It is not my place. When I adopted my children, family members thought my husband and I were nuts at first. God lead me to the point where I am today and I love it. I had a promising career in the banking business but, when I got that call that there were 5 small children in great need of a family, I didn't hesitate to leave that job. I can truly say I haven't regretted it one bit. That was 5 years ago.

To answer your question. I think you should start with the state first. If your state has a foster/adopt program I would do that. My sister is single and this is the way she started. She became the proud mother of a baby girl that the social worker brought to her straight from the hospital. She was drug exposed. Her daughter is doing wonderfully. She is 4 years old now. There is always a silver lining at every rainbow, you just have to find yours.

E-mail me privately if you need any help.

Take Care

[jenna202]

I'm pretty sure that no state has an age limit of under 21 years old for at least one partner. I am 29, and am in the process of adopting a 2 year-old daughter from the state foster care system. When I was 19, I was also a college student, living alone, and highly self-sufficient. Everyone I knew said I was the most responsible, mature young person they knew. There was NO WAY I was ready to parent.

I am not saying you are immature, or that you couldn't do it if you HAD to. But, honey, if you don't HAVE to, don't choose to do it now. You have so many options open to you. You have gotten yourself to college, and you have the world in front of you. Take time to live and be young. Having a child is a WONDERFUL, AWESOME experience, but it is also HARD HARD HARD work. And what about daycare? I pay $550 a month, and that is considered cheap in most places. Then there's diapers, clothes, toys, etc. And whose medical insurance will cover this child? When will you do homework? My daughter goes to bed at 8PM, and I am EXHAUSTED by that time. It's all I can do to get things ready for the next day, and maybe do a load of laundry. I would drop dead if I had to do homework, study and go to class.

You are so young - you have time for everything you want out of life, God-willing. In the meantime, get your education, get a good, stable job with benefits, and get some life experience under your belt. ALL of these things will serve you well when you become a parent. It is SO AWESOME that you already know you want to parent, and that you want to bring a child into your life through adoption. Now is the time to prepare yourself for that, and to make a life you are happy with on its own, before you add a child to it.

Above all, don't rush life. It will be there when you're ready for it. Continue to pray that God leads you down the right path, and find things that are wonderful and enriching about your life now. If you have time to devote to a child, get into a mentoring program, and maybe do some respite care or just good-old babysitting. You can make a difference in the life of a child now without sacrificing the opportunity to create a stable life for yourself and any future children.

[ellia3]

Hi Porschia

It sounds like you would really need to check with your state regarding the age requirements first in most states the age req is 25 minimum age 21. Also this is just my advice on how God outlined the family in the bible which was love, marriage, and then the baby carriage. It is hard enough for 2 working parents to raise a child. You are still very young, why the rush? I can only speak from when I was 19 and in college. At that time I could not take care of myself moreless a child. Raising children can be beautiful but also very challenging. Parenting is not something you want to rush into. I got married at age 23 but it was not until age 30 I felt mature enough to commit to being someone's mom for the rest of my life. It is a huge responsibility. Enjoy your youth, once these years are gone they will never return.

[34andhopeful]

Jenna, what state do you live in? I live in VA and the day care here is an outrage. The cheapest I have been able to find is $1200 PER MONTH. Any one from VA - DC metro that can help me find a cheaper place?

[jenna202]

I live in TX. I'm not surprised by the $1200 figure for your area. California is also outrageously-expensive for day care, as are some other states. The highest anyone pays in my current city is on the order of $800 or so for one child. I'm SUPER-lucky to be living here now, where I can get really GOOD child care for $550!

[live2bhappy2003]

I think you sound like you have your head on straight and would make a wonderful mother. However, I had two biological children around your age, and I missed out on having a lot of freedom to get through school and enjoy traveling, etc. However, I don't regret for a minute my two children, but I would re-think adopting at your age. I also think the majority of agencies would discourage you from doing so as well. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate as it is.
As an adoptive mother of a biracial baby, I can tell you there are so many children of color needing good homes and it sounds like you would be a great mom someday.
I would suggest you give yourself a few years, maybe when you're 21 you can reconsider, but by then you may have an entirely different perspective and lifestyle.

Just a thought from a mom with a daughter around your age and a newly adoptive mom.

[Superwo2003]

I read your message. I was touched by how young you are.

Children are a very big responsibility. I had my first bilogical child at age 19. Although Iam much older now, I cam tell you that you should think about parenting at such a young age. But, only God knows your heart so you have my blessing as well as others have blessed you. I am not judging you at all. I just hope you know its a big responsiblity. By the way how has your adoption process going?

I'm sure you will make a great mom.

[beverly gardner]

Porschia,
God bless you girl. You sound like you have a calling. I have 16 children with special needs (well, most of them have special needs). They are great kids. My state, AL, lets you be foster parents at 19. It sounds like you have prayed about this for awhile. God must be telling you something. Contact your Department of Human Resources and check them out first. They will pay for day care, if you start out fostering. Also, go online and check out the rules and regulations of your state for being a foster parent. You sound like you have a great heart, and only you know what you can handle. It's a shame you don't live here in Alabama, I could help you. That's what it's all about, isn't it? This life isn' all about partying and having fun. Besides, having these great kids is fun to me.

[bellazmama]

Bless you for the desires of your heart. The Lord will lead you on the right path for you.
I would definitely suggest spending time 24/7 with an infant or toddler for several days first, though. I'm 31 & married w/a 10-mo-old & it's overwhelming at times.
Don't rush into being a grown-up too soon. Finish school first. Have fun.
Become a big sister (Big Brothers-Big Sisters) while in school. It's very rewarding.

[Superwo2003]

I assume you were talking to the young lady that wants to adopt at 19 years of age. I received a mess. from you but it didn't seem to be exactly for me. I am not sure how this entire forum works yet.

However, I have two biological children and I am seeking to adopt an infant. I want to adopt a black or biracial child. Color doesn't really matter to me. I guess I am more concerned about the childs best interest. This is a cruel world and children have to face some many things when they are away at school. We try to encourage them and protect them but once they go to school its hard.

I figure it would be ok to have a biracial child in the family becasue there are many colors in my family. My niece and nephew are biracial . I look at what they have to deal with and wonder would it be difficult for me. One child is darker than the other child. The dark child get treated bad by strangers and some family members. She always ask me why is her brother liked more than she is. I have no answer for her because she is so young.

I have thought of this because I may end up with a biracial child. But I don't want teh child to feel bad about her color. Certainly I wouldn't want my kids to feel I have caused a problem in the home.

Race will always be an issue because people base your character on how you look. May be there are some good books I could read on raising a biracial child. This may even help me give answers to my niece and nephew.

[beverly gardner]

I tell my children that they way people treat them has nothing to do with them. I tell them that the person that is treating them badly, has the problem. All they can do is pray for that person and hope that their feelings will change. We can only control ourselves and nothing else. My kids are all different colors. You can only teach your children to be strong, independent, compassionate people and keep on loving who they are. Things are tough for everyone. My handicapped kids have asked me why they were made that way and not the other kids in the family. The only thing I can tell them, is that God has a plan for everyone of us and only time will tell what that plan is.

[PHaley]

Hello everyone and thank you SO SO much for all your advice.

I feel that this forum is supportive and knowledgeable in ways that others I've tried are not and I am so grateful for the opportunity to share and learn with you all.

Excuse me for being away, I went home for the holidays and even since returning I just hadn't taken the time to read the forum.

I want to say to all those who think I should wait and told me took look into state regulations, etc that UNFORTUNATELY most of you were right. In VA where I live I do not meet the states age requirements for fostering/adopting. However I am now looking into an open adoption of an infant (or multiples).

I understand completely that I have the time ahead of me and that I should leave room for "fun" stuff or "college" stuff or "young people" things but to me nothing is more fun than giving my all to someone, being with children and watching them grow and thrive with all the love that is owed to them.

As far as mentoring, volunteering, babysitting, spending 24 hrs, etc I've been there and done that and continue to all the time. In some ways it helps b/c it gives me time to release the built up love and energy that I have and to try all my ideas (art projects, games, field trips, portrait poses...) out to see whats a hit and what needs changing. On the other hand though it can be very hard because at the end the child goes back to his/her/their mommy or parents and I am back to being just me.

Ah well in any even I continue to do research and seek ways to make my hopes and dreams reality. I don't think of it as rushing but more so as preparation to the fullest and I continue to trust and believe that when the LORD says that it is my time I will be open and ready to accept HIS plan for my life.

Thank yo again for your wisdom, caution and support.
God BLess
PS: Too bad I dont live in AL
And 12!!! what inspiration

Oh the other thing I was really wanting to say was this...someone wrote that she is 29 (I think) and was giving warning to how HARD children are and how much energy they take and how tired a parent can become as just a parent let alone as a parent and a full time student...I appreciate your outlook b/c it reminds me of one of the major reason I believe that this is a good time for me to adopt opposed to waiting til I'm nearly 30 or OVER 30... I HAVE THE ENERGY NOW! I am young(er) and active and I have what my grandma calls that "kid energy" I can go days and days and actually feel me fatigued and lathargic when I've been just sitting around or going to class, coming home and going to bed (BORING) I feel ALIVE when I am outside running around the yard with my puppy or riding bikes with my cousins (boys 9 and 5) or shooting hoops with my little friend (age 6) or taking all the kids to the zoo (usually about 5 of them) or down to a street fair. Call me crazy but the more I do the more I want to do

Thats it...I know my messages are always long
Just wanted to add my favorite scripture

"I know the plans I have for you," declared the LORD, "plans to protect you and not to harm you, plans to prosper you and give you a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

And anyone that has information that could help or has anything at all you'd like to say privately...my email is accordingtohiswill@hotmail.com

Many thanks