[Mizsamone]

My husband and I met with a private adoption agency on Dec. 17. They were informative, professional and forthcoming. Nevertheless, the fee schedule is somewhere in the range of 20-25K. We knew the fees were exorbitant but we wanted to meet with them anyway. We are determined to be parents, so what about foster care adoption? We plan to meet with a local foster care agency within the next couple of weeks. We realize that one main focus of foster care is reunification, but there are also some amazing stories of foster care adoption.

What has your experience been like adopting through foster care?

[Sohmakun]

I would suggest you post this question in the "Foster to Adoption - What's It Like?" forums. You will get more feedback there because many of us here adopted through a private agency.

[Sleeplvr]

I adopted from foster care as well as through a private agency. We adopted through the foster to adopt program and it was a pretty good program.
Success in adopting from the foster care system varies because each state and then each town or county seems to have their own quirks. You have to take into account the agenda of the agency, the reason why the kids go into care and whether you get a good caseworker or not. In other words you might be successful or you might not. Agencies in my state have decided to shift their focus and funding to kinship placements so it is getting tougher to adopt from foster care now.

Sohmakun
I'm going to assume she posted here because she wanted the AA perspective on adopting from foster care. When you are AA there tends to be a slightly different angle to it especially if the agency that you use has primarily AA kids or kids of another race.

[makarios79]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

Success in adopting from the foster care system varies because each state and then each town or county seems to have their own quirks. You have to take into account the agenda of the agency, the reason why the kids go into care and whether you get a good caseworker or not. In other words you might be successful or you might not.

I completely agree with this statement.

I live in a very pro-adoption area. We hold the record for the state for foster adoptions this year, but in other counties many people seem to have more difficulties than I have faced.

Don't get me wrong foster-adoption is a roller coaster and somethings are utterly frustrating. But overall, I had a pretty good experience.

I adopted 2 biracial boys 8 months after being licensed to be a foster parent...7 months after placement....My kids were 1 and 3 at adoption..1 & 2 at placement...

I had the opportunity to adopt 3 other AA kids one of which I was placed with at 6 months. He became available for adoption only 9 months after placement...

I also had the opportunity to adopt his 2 & 3 y/o siblings......I declined the latter 3 because I couldn't afford all the daycare fees.

I also had the opportunity to do a straight adoption of an 11 y/o girl. I declined for a number of reasons...

I know many people who have foster/adopted newborns straight from the hospital with no health problems....the parents had open case plans that they were not working.....This is how my youngest adopted son came into care....He was a 100% healthy 9lb baby boy who was in foster care from birth just because mom had 3 other open case plans she was not working....

My other fs came into care as a healthy infant at 2 months and was later adopted by another family....

I have been offered numerous infants who later became available for adoption. While I was in the couthouse on my boys adoption day, the lead agency adoption workers were asking me if I was interested in adopting several other children who were infants/toddlers at the time.....

Out of the six kids who I have fostered..unfortunately only 1 got reunified, all the others were placed for adoption with me and another family.

Foster care adoption isn't necessarily all that much harder than domestic adoption IMO...Both have their advantages and disadvantages. You just have to decide which one works best for your family.

[Sleeplvr]

We picked our son up from the hospital. He was a healthy baby boy and not removed from his mom. I live in a rural county so they get abandoned babies on a somewhat regular basis. When I say abandoned I don't mean literally abandoned. For legal purposes he was considered abandoned. His mom did not have an adoption plan in place and showed up at the hospital to give birth and said she couldn't take him home because she couldn't care for another child.

We've had two more opportunities to do a straight adoption but at the time our house was full and I wasn't about to move one child to another foster home to get a sure thing. Technically our home was not full but it was at our self imposed limit of 3 kids at one time. The state will let you have up to 6 at one time here.

We stayed on the top of the placement call list because we were open to AA kids.

[SavannahGirl]

I am in the process of trying to adopt through the foster care system. I live in the same state as Sleeplvr but in a different county. She's right that experiences vary based on where you are. Currently our state DFCS has a big push for reunification. My county is also really big on reunification. They say that they have a high success rate on placing little ones with family members, which is a good thing. Because of this, I opted to go through a private foster care agency. I spent about nine months with one agency. I'm currently with a second agency. A year and a half after finishing my homestudy, I'm still waiting. I know that the wait is because I'm straight adoption 0-3. My four year old attaches easily and has been asking for a sibling. So straight adoption is my only option. My agency currently has only foster and adoption programs, no foster-adopt. The foster-adopt program, which existed when I first signed up, has been eliminated because of the number of reunifications that they were experiencing. While most foster children in this age range are adopted by their foster parents, I know that have to be some that are not. It's been a long and frustrating road for me.

My advice would be to meet with multiple agencies to get a feel for the agency and their policies to find out which one that best fits the needs of your family.

Good luck.

[millie58]

I also adopted my boys from foster care and I'm in the process of adopting my 2 little ones. There isn't any rhyme or reason. My 2 older ones were set for RU when bio dad showed up. then both bio mom and dad TPR'd. My 2 little ones were TPR'd when I got them. Good luck!!

Originally Posted by SavannahGirl

I am in the process of trying to adopt through the foster care system. I live in the same state as Sleeplvr but in a different county. She's right that experiences vary based on where you are. Currently our state DFCS has a big push for reunification. My county is also really big on reunification. They say that they have a high success rate on placing little ones with family members, which is a good thing. Because of this, I opted to go through a private foster care agency. I spent about nine months with one agency. I'm currently with a second agency. A year and a half after finishing my homestudy, I'm still waiting. I know that the wait is because I'm straight adoption 0-3. My four year old attaches easily and has been asking for a sibling. So straight adoption is my only option. My agency currently has only foster and adoption programs, no foster-adopt. The foster-adopt program, which existed when I first signed up, has been eliminated because of the number of reunifications that they were experiencing. While most foster children in this age range are adopted by their foster parents, I know that have to be some that are not. It's been a long and frustrating road for me.

My advice would be to meet with multiple agencies to get a feel for the agency and their policies to find out which one that best fits the needs of your family.

Good luck.

[Yash]

I like that. It all depends on your county's DCF's offices agenda. And the judge's agenda, and the CW's agenda.

My first go round, my son's CW was pro-child and I love her and thank her for that. Compared to my attempts to give him a sister, I realize now his adoption really was the breeze everyone kept telling me it was. As a first time mom, 19 months and 2 days to adopt a baby who had been with me since he was 5-days-old seemed like a lifetime. But as I was told by a DCF higherupper, in my county, any adoption that takes less than 2 years is quick. Yes, it seems like people who work for DCF lose all sense of time.

My second and third go rounds with fost/adopt gave me a CW who was racist and one who was high off the power it gave her, had no common sense, and didn't like me. Yeah, the racist one was easier to deal with. Through these experiences I lost my oldest daughter after 8 months, and my youngest daughter, I had to fight and pray to keep.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. It is a rollercoaster ride. But to me adopting from foster care is like riding a rollercoaster with a blindfold on and never knowing when the ride will end.

Best of luck with whatever road you choose!

[greenrobin]

Our agency charges an initial $2000 (or did 2 years ago) for the straight adoption families it licenses. No clue what the other fees are because we're a foster family.

Or, we were until we got Bubba and Sissy. Now we're a foster/adopt family! Still waiting on termination of parental rights, so we're not to the end yet. We've had the kids nearly 15 months and we're looking at at least 5 more months. Rollercoaster with blindfold is a VERY accurate description.

For us, it will cost $1500/child for the attorney, at least some of which the state will reimburse. Fostering first really reduces the monetary outlay. You're just spending it in other ways!

It's a tough road. You're dealing with hurt, traumatized kids. They have memories that don't include you. They have families they remember and love, even if they hurt them. Sometimes you love them and they leave. And it can be wonderful as well.

[vernellinnj]

All I can say is if you want a child under the age of 3 you will likely have to foster as children in that age range are most often adopted by their foster parents. Having said that, you just never know. I've had my fosterchild for well over two years and things still are uncertain as to the final outcome (adoption or reunification). On the other hand, everyone who had a child placed with them at the same time as me have adopted. Again, you just never know. You have to know what you can and cannot handle. And if you can't handle uncertainty, fost-adopt is not the best choice.

[BethanyB]

I live in NJ and know many families who were placed with AA infants very quickly. Although I am CC, I adopted two AA children through the fost/adopt program here.

When I called the agency that does training for the state (Just Babies) and told them I was open to race and gender they told me I would probably have a baby within a day or two of being certified.

Well four days after being certified, I got the call for my newborn AA son. They told me he had about a 99 percent chance of being adoptable since his bio mom did not have custody of any of her children. She did not want her family to know about her kids because she was embarrassed. Her sister was being given a homestudy for a daughter she already had in state custody, but the sister failed the homestudy due to the same type of things the bio mom herself was doing wrong.

I was told my son was exposed to drugs in the womb but he was born drug free. He was healthy and had normal weight and APGAR scores. Six months later she left town and TPR was granted. He was about a year and a half when I adopted him.

A year after he was born I got the call for my daughter. My son's bio mom gave birth to another baby who was taken at birth. She skipped out of the hospital and TPR was filed several months later as she never came back to try and gain custody in any way. I adopted her at about a year and a half too.

So for me, everything went well. The paperwork end of it takes a while but you learn how to deal with that. I guess every state is different. But there are certainly risks.

[vernellinnj]

Originally Posted by BethanyB

I live in NJ and know many families who were placed with AA infants very quickly. Although I am CC, I adopted two AA children through the fost/adopt program here.

When I called the agency that does training for the state (Just Babies) and told them I was open to race and gender they told me I would probably have a baby within a day or two of being certified.

Well four days after being certified, I got the call for my newborn AA son. They told me he had about a 99 percent chance of being adoptable since his bio mom did not have custody of any of her children. She did not want her family to know about her kids because she was embarrassed. Her sister was being given a homestudy for a daughter she already had in state custody, but the sister failed the homestudy due to the same type of things the bio mom herself was doing wrong.

I was told my son was exposed to drugs in the womb but he was born drug free. He was healthy and had normal weight and APGAR scores. Six months later she left town and TPR was granted. He was about a year and a half when I adopted him.

A year after he was born I got the call for my daughter. My son's bio mom gave birth to another baby who was taken at birth. She skipped out of the hospital and TPR was filed several months later as she never came back to try and gain custody in any way. I adopted her at about a year and a half too.

So for me, everything went well. The paperwork end of it takes a while but you learn how to deal with that. I guess every state is different. But there are certainly risks.

I, too, am in New Jersey. So, even within the same state, things can go very differently. Bottom line, you just never know until you try and you have to be willing to take the risk. Guess it's no different than private adoption and giving birth, huh?

[Krispy]

I have enjoyed our decision to adopt from the foster care system. One bit of advice I would give is to find a worker who really advocates for you as well as the child. Our first worker took almost 18 months to finish our homestudy. We were a basic family with no issues, but due to her caseload, she could never get to it. I called the branch manager and had our worker removed and we were given our current worker. We love working with her and find her to be on our side.
In Oregon you submit a homestudy, the child's worker chooses 3 families to take to committee. Then a committee of adoption professionals picks the family. We were asked to go to committee for a 15 mo old AA boy. He is beautiful. We will find out in 2 weeks if we are his family. It's gut wrenching, but so was trying to get pregnant.
Really think about the foster care system. There are some wonderful kids who are not broken in the system. As a teacher, I see these kids daily and they are wonderful.

[kimbakat]

My hubby and I are now in the process of adopting a little boy whom we've fostered since birth. He is bi-racial and almost 2 years old.

We are not having a great experience as of yet. We've gone to the first adoption class last Saturday and have two more to attend. The class per say wasn't bad, it's the communication with our worker that we are having problems with. For some reason, unbeknownst to us, she has treated us like children since we started interacting with her. Unkind messages left on the answering machine, letters that belittle our intellegence ect.... I'm trying not to feel that it's because of the race card (our little boy being more white then black in hue) but I'm getting that feeling in my stomach that they really don't want to see this happen, but unless they prove that we are unfit parents for him, somehow, they won't be able to stop it. We have two grown children of our own, 19/in second year of college, and 18/senior year in highschool, heading to college afterwards, so I don't understand what the problem may be, also we foster a special needs little girl that we also plan on adopting, she being half black and half Spanish.

I plan on talking to her and seeing how we can change the the tone of our relationship to make this experience better for all of us. (I've left a message on her phone to convey my intentions) If that is not possible I will move towards changing caseworkers.

The foster care system has many children that need love and a family of their own, I'm sure if you go this route you won't be disappointed...God's blessing on you however you choose!

[Barksum]

I'm not AA, but we've adopted toddlers from the foster system. In our state, too, it does vary a little bit from county to county, cw's, some judges, indivdiual cases and their CASA/GAL's, etc. Our state has the same process for all the state foster care system adoptions, but given that some counties are very rural with less population and some are very urban with high population density there are some variables and differences.

We did not foster to adopt, but did straight adoption. (We did also foster some children, but we did not adopt any of the children we fostered.) We adopted 4 children ages 2 and under. We were told this would be difficult, that we'd have a long wait, that the foster parents usually adopted the younger kids.... All of which can happen, but didn't in our case(s).

For the most part, the foster parents were foster families who specialized in caring for medically fragile infants; drug addicted, generally. We were open to any race, mild mental retardation, drug addicted (fetal alcohol), and children younger than our youngest child.

For our first adoption we were matched after waiting for about 9 months, with several committees not choosing our family along the way. (That was really tough!!) This child was 2 years old at placement.

Our second adoption we were matched after looking for about 6 months, but it was our first committee so was pretty much 'straight out of the box' for that one. That child was just over a year old at placement.

Our third adoption was more complicated and longer because we withdrew from consideration for two committees, took a brief hiatus in the middle due to the death of a close family member, and then were not matched at the first committee we went to, but were for the second. So #3 took, all told, over a year. This child was also just over a year old.

Our 4th adoption was a family member (from foster care) and was pretty streamlined, taking about 3 or 4 months from the time we talked with the child's cw about adoption until the child arrived in our home. This child was just under a year old at placement.

All of our children were legally free when we were matched, except #4 and that court date was just after the child came to us. Our children are a mixture of races/ethnicities. (They're all wonderful children who are simply beautiful. And I'm not just saying that because I'm their mom!! )