[mommyonboard]

Last month we got an unexpected call from our agency. Our son's birth mom had placed her older daughter in care, seeking adoption for her as well. The agency contacted us 1st, because of the bio connection they said. We were willing to explore having her join our family but the agency wanted us to go through an entirely new adoption process, including charging us for a new home study and the entire cost of the new adoption (no financial support whatsoever).

I felt horrible that we had to say no to adoption for this child because financially we just couldn't take on the burden. I said so to the agency executives, who suggested we take out a loan. It's just sad that there's so little financial support for families built by adoption.

After she found out we were not able to accept the placement, birthmom decided to parent her daughter. This story could most definitely have had a different ending if adoption were truly seen as an option, society wide; instead of the poster answer against abortion.

[vernellinnj]

Forgive me if this is a silly question but since bio mom wanted to place with you was there any way to avoid the agency and have a lawyer handle the adoption?

[FullQuiverMamma]

Also, the birthmom can designate you as a guardian and this is free - or she can contact the county and they will most likely subsidize you for taking in the daughter if bmom is going to give up rights. The county will likely place the child w/ you and quickly pay for your homestudy update.

[mommyonboard]

Birthmom hasn't been in contact since she discovered that we were not available. I've sent her a letter but it goes through the agency. Unfortunately, I have no other way to contact her. The agency really made it seem like the only option was to start from the beginning again. Unfortunately with no direct contact with birthmom it's difficult to make a different choice. But I'm still hopeful that the ending of this particular story will be happy. I'll keep you all posted.

[bethy724]

She could go to the state & give the baby to social services & request the baby be placed with you. It's sad she decided to parent after you weren't available - sounds like she was looking for her daughter to have a better life w/ her sibling.

[Sleeplvr]

I agree with the other posters who said you could go through the state to keep the cost low or even free. Try contacting the agency to see if you can speak with her. I would at least want to talk with her to find out her reasons for wanting to place. The agency is a little too invested in getting their fee over placing a child with her sibling.

[SLEMommy]

Hi there,
I don't know if you are still considering the situation for your son's bio-sibling, but I also agree with the others that responded about going through the county social services agency. As far as contacting the parent through the agency, you can always indicate that you and your spouse have reconsidered and may want to take on this sibling but you would like to talk with the birthmom directly to find out more about why she is placing other child now..etc.

Assuming the agency wont make you pay first or contract first before talking to mom, once you talk with her, you can then give her your direct phone number or contact info. and start contact from there. Just a thought.........

[mommyonboard]

Thanks everyone for your concern. The next request I got from birthmom was about the number of pictures I sent of our son. It was strange. My son's sister has not been mentioned. I don't know how to approach the issue. I have no idea what the agency told her about us.

[karsonsmom]

Ok, I can't help but be suspicious by nature, and I don't mean to upset anyone so please forgive me if what I am about to say/ask if offensive...I don't mean it to at all.
But what if this agency is not exactly 100% on the up and up? If you have no way of contacting bmom except thru them, how do you know any of what they said was true? What if this "sibling" isn't even related to the bfamily? They get to collect $, have a happy bparent (child is "placed") and what "harm" are they doing (so they might say to themselves) as no one would be the wiser? How "convenient" that bmom just changed her mind, just like that....and that you just got thru with all the expenses and they can't help you AT ALL? Sounds odd to me. And bmom-out of the clear blue-wants more pictures and doesn't even mention the sibling? It just seems weird.
Again, I don't mean to distress or upset anyone, and as I have no experience whatsoever with agencies, I know I am grossly ignorant and clueless....