[Linny]

Okay.....I've asked this before, though not in a thread format.
What's your opinion on using hair relaxers on girls aging 5 and 6yrs old?
One has hair that's very tightly curled.......The other has very thin hair, just doesn't grow so fast. They don't like their hair in braids, as they cry and complain after a few hours that it's too tight. (And this is when it's been done very slightly, so we've tried the 'looser route'.) They want their hair in simple styles...being pigtails or top-knots...sometimes, simple braids on one, or banded in the other.
We live in the country...even on a farm....and it's NOT unusual for them to have alfalfa, grass, etc in their hair at the end of the day, KWIM? This ISN'T your typical environment...so hair in neat, little, dainty styles isn't exactly practical.

Still, we belong to a church that has many transracial adoptive families, as well as a more diverse population. I know the girls see others with more elaborate styles...which involve a straightener; but I'm also told by other AA women (when out and about) that they have 'good hair'. With that in mind, I've purchased a 'no-dye' relaxer, but in many ways, I hate to get that started, given their ages.

Further, there's just something in me that cries in wondering 'why their hair has to look like CC hair, when they actually have well-taken-care-of AA hair that happens to be tighter curled than some'? Does anyone understand where I'm coming from on this?
Just seems that their hair is part of who they are....and changing 'what it is'.......well, KWIM?????

Thanks ahead of time for replies...

Sincerely,

Linny

[mamatobe2008]

I personally believe that kids that young don't need a relaxer whether lye or no lye. :0

My mom used to relax my hair at that age and there was no need!! I have a curlier texture that I wear natrually short and it has been shoulder length. I think being happy with natural texture is imperative for young girls. When their older 12 or 13 let them experiment more when they have to take care of their hair. Also relaxers take a lot of upkeep. Is there an AA salon accessible for maintenance? If not, I'd recommend staying natural!!

Just my $.02! HTH.

[sbaglio]

Linny, I hear what you're saying. I have a sister and a mother and an aunt and countless other relatives who went through this hair thing their whole lives. To relax or not to relax...I recall that my sister had her hair relaxed only when she was a teenager. My mum did everything she could before that time to soften it up - frequent brushing, braids, extensions, afro puffs, you name it.

The thought of using those chemicals on a child's scalp just makes me uncomfortable. Believe me, I know about the pressure to do so. But the problems inherent are many - possible burns, hair loss, receding hairlines (tension alopecia, though this can happen with tight braiding as well), the constant upkeep needed (moisturizer, curl activator, sheen etc), and the obvious expense...The touch ups also have to be done often. My sister ended up chopping the straightened hair off and starting over with her natural hair. She has locks now, and swears that she will never relax her hair again - it's been over a decade.

Have you considered a texturizer? Not that there's much difference with a relaxer, but it may be more gentle (experienced women, please jump in here!). IMO, relaxing leads to more problems than it's worth, but I'm not a woman, so I humbly await others' suggestions...

[musemoon]

I am hoping to leave my daughter's (2) hair natural....forever :-) She has curly beautiful hair. The only way I would consider relaxing it, is if she was miserable and wanted it done, or she was being teazed at school I guess....but I hope I'm raising a kid who can stand up to that kind of pressure :-)

[Kat-L]

Maire-Kate is 9. She has TONS of hair and it's VERY tightly curled. It's a pain to comb and she hates sitting for braids. I finally took her to a reputable salon to have it relaxed. It looked beautiful for a few weeks and then started breaking off. I got a recommendation for another salon and took her to have it trimmed and braided and she ended up with a horrific fungal infection which was very painful. She lost huge patches of hair (3 centimeter x 4.5 centimer patch and smaller 2 cm x 3 cm patch). Her once long hair is now short and patchy. She's been on four different medications for the last month. The salon admitted liability and we had to get a lawyer to look out for her interests. She had to wear a hat to school for the last month. She was teased terribly by the boys in her class.

If I had to do over again, I would have keep her home and kept braiding it myself. I wish I could go back in time to that moment when I first considered relaxing her hair and just kick myself. I would never, ever trust my kids to a salon or any relaxer products again.

[Sleeplvr]

I say relaxers are for teens and older. A texturizer is the same chemicals as a relaxer but left on for a shorter amount of time. I was 16 years old when we started relaxing my hair. At 40 something I am finally ending my time with relaxed hair. DD can make the decision when she’s a teenager. My job at this point is to work with her natural hair.

Try finding a natural hair care salon and see what products they recommend for maintaining it naturally with ease. The right products make maintenance a breeze and the biggie for young girls is no loose hair. The hair needs to stay braided to cut down on all the combing and detangling time. Puffs are cute but the amount of work they require is not worth it when you have active girls.

A quick comb and brush at bedtime and put in sleep braids to make styling in the morning faster.

[Linny]

Thank you to all......I sooooo appreciate the responses!!!!!
Regarding their hair now.........as far as tangles and such, we have no problems...really! I wash it no more than once a week (sometimes, every 10days)......and oil it as it goes. It's very soft, manageable.....and I take down the puffs and put them up daily. They sleep with do-rags (well, most of the time now...still encouraging that more)......and it's not the complaints of tangles or combing that are any problem; it's the 'pressure' from some of the other girls at church. I even get it from some AA friends/family members who believe I oughta start that relaxer (and considered too, texturizer). It's like if they have ANY loose hair...even if it's merely come out from the barrett, there's some sort of crime to that???
THAT part, I don't get, KWIM? I thought when kids play......so goes the hair and clothes??

I just hate that having to continue upkeep; and, frankly, in applying to hopefully adopt another baby....I don't see how I'll have much time.
Resources for salons are few and far between; and while I've had offers to 'do their hair' to relax it, etc.....I've also seen what's happened to their OWN hair, or relatives hair, and have seen the breakage and dryness most of you have written about. I can't stand the thought that something I thought was 'fad for the time', ends up hurting their hair----almost permanently. (sigh)

My gut instinct is to wait (as you suggested once before to me, Sleep ).....and let them be little girls. Heaven knows (and experience has shown)....they'll be teens before I even turn around!
Thanks again!

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[vernellinnj]

What's your opinion on using hair relaxers on girls aging 5 and 6yrs old?

I would never relax the hair of a child that young. I got my first relaxer at 16 and mom didn't want it done then!

Good luck!

[Wisdom]

I think they're too young for a relaxer. My mother straightened mine and my sister's hair with a hot comb when we were young, and that's what I'd do if I had a girl if I wanted her hair straightened (or blow dry it and/or perhaps use an electric flat iron if necessary). We had long, course hair so that made it much more manageable. But it all depends on their individual hair type--I'd probably not straighten really thin hair b/c it may damage it. Courser hair can probably take it but you really have to be careful to keep from damaging it. And then of course there's the upkeep--once wet (showers, baths, swimming) it'll have to be straightened again.
Are you able to post a picture of your girls heads so we can get a better idea of what their hair is like?

[BlueDreams1978]

Good topic...

Personally, I don't think 5-6 is too young for a relaxer. My oldest got her first around that age, however, I used a 'kiddie perm' geared to children. A lot of salons use adult perms on all consumers.

Her hair is extremely thick so having it relaxed made it easier to manage. Another chemical-free option for AA hair is iron straightening or blowing it out (with a blow dryer). Both of these methods use a lot of heat on the hair so proper products should be used before and after to prevent damage.

You have to remember, AA can become very dry and lead to breakage if not maintained correctly. Whether your little ones' hair is natural or relaxed it needs moisture on a regular basis.

[Linny]

Thank you again for the replies. I've opted not to relax her hair; and as I wrote before, taking care of it daily, isn't a problem. We don't have the hair breakage or complaints about combing it out and I oil it daily.

I've talked to the older one about more elaborate styles...though most of them, she doesn't ask for. But, even though beads look pretty, I remind her that she'll have to learn to sleep on those beads..and once in place, it's not like I can take it all down because she doesn't like it, or feels it's too tight!!!!

Sooo, for now, she'll wear it in 'bands' along the side of her head..(where it's gathered in bands), or pigtails (as we called them...which is her favorite and simpliest for me)......or some sort of combination of those. We sometimes do a 'top-knot'...but her hair is VERY thick, and it requires more barrettes too.

We DO 'hot-comb' it out at times, and I think this will be the procedure more often for now. Thank you again.

Sincerely,

Linny

PS...Thanks for the suggestion to post a photo of her here.....but I don't want to post a photo of my baby (babies) on a public site.