[makarios79]

From my discussions with others in the adoption/foster care community (including the online community) I get the sense that it is more acceptable for CC people to adopt outside of their race than AA people

I have been asked many times why I would even consider adopting or fostering children that are not black, when they seem to outnumber the amount of non black kids that are available for adoption or are in the foster care system.

For me, it is not a matter of race, but a matter of love...To me, I just see a child who needs a home (whether temporary or permanent)

If you are AA, would you consider adopting a child that is not black.. Why or why not?

Also for everyone, do you think that it seems more acceptable for CC people to adopt outside of their race than AA people? Why or why not?

[Sleeplvr]

AA’s are pretty open to race when it comes to the foster care arena but on the private adoption side no…. Here's my take on why AA's are not so open to pursuing other races in private adoptions. Our kids are the last on the desirability list. If we don't adopt them who will? It would come across as looking like we don't value our own people. CC's didn't start adopting transracially in significant numbers until the supply of CC children dwindled. Why should we expect or hope another group will adopt our kids? At this point *I* think it is extremely self-indulgent when you are AA to actively pursue a non AA child when agencies are beating the bushes looking for people to adopt AA children. It’s one thing to say I’m open to any race and another to say I don’t want an AA child. I have seen that happening lately more and more and I have some hard feelings about that. It bothers me that there are AA’s who are willing to wait years and pay high fees to get a child of another race when they can adopt one of their own race with lower fees and in a few months.

[sunsetsky]

Hi Sleeplvr,
When I told my friends and family about my plans to adopt, I was asked would I adopt a black baby. Yes of course, I answered. They all went on to express the disgust and anger they would have felt if I choose an Asian or Latin child. I was surprised at the question in the first place. Sleeplvr I heard from a little birdie that you have some valueable info to share, can I pm you?

[Sleeplvr]

You can PM me.

We we first looked into adoption it was assumed by my co-workers that we would adopt an Asian child. I went what? and Why? The answer I got was "isn't that what everyone is doing?"

I feel your pain...

[teendoc]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

We we first looked into adoption it was assumed by my co-workers that we would adopt an Asian child. I went what? and Why? The answer I got was "isn't that what everyone is doing?"

I feel your pain...

You know, the same thing happened to me. I was like, "what would I look like, a professional black woman in America, going to China to adopt a baby?" That ends that topic of conversation with the quickness.

[nickchris]

We heard the same as well, and it was innocently said, due to the popularity of the IA programs. I usually laughed and said no, home grown baby. lol
I look at it this way, do not exclude your own, and then do a Josephine Baker afterwards, if that touches your heart.

[musemoon]

I'm CC and I adopted a biracial kiddo from foster care. :-) LOVE HER! I didn't care about race at all. And neither did my friend, who is AA and ended up adopting a CC/AA child and a Latino/CC child who is very very light skinned and looks full CC.

When we are out, most people assume my daughter is hers and her son is mine....which really kinda sucks for both of us, cause we adore our kiddos.

That being said. I hear the thought that AA people should adopt AA kids cause of the need, but really I hope the world is changing and that mixed families are becoming the norm.

When I was at the Rose Bowl over the weekend a huge percentage of the families where mixed by birth and there were white kids with dark parents and dark kids with white parents, blonde haired kids with AA curls...etc.

All this to say I hope that one day any child of any race will fit in the right family. Their family. I am so blessed to be raising my daugher and no other daughter in this world is more mine or right for me than her. And I know my AA friend feels that way about her sons.

Just my thoughts.

[Yash]

It's much more acceptable for whites to adopt non-whites. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe because of that false believe that "White is right."

My Asian CW is working overtime to remove my "white" daughter out of my home and into any relative home she can find, regardless that my daughter is bonded to me and none of the relatives she's asked has been interested. All this CW sees is skin color, while forgetting that my daughter is 1/4 Hispanic, with a grandfather whose skin tone is as dark as mine, and 1/4 Jewish. I guess her in her mind as long as you look white, you can forget about the complete racial heritage.

Thank God, my daughter has a lawyer who believes that children shouldn't be bounced around the system, especially to go live with a distant relative they've never met or seen before, instead of staying where they are loved and bonded. How I wish all the DCF workers, lawyers, social workers thought like this. For some reason I thought everyone was supposed to be working to do what's best for the child and not for yourself....

So after dealing with DCF for going on 4 years and becacuse it's been on my heart since a teen, I'm on the waiting list to adopt an infant girl from Vietnam. Eight more months to wait though I'm praying for a referral by Christmas. It's so nice to be part of a "simple", "easy" adoption. I'm beyond thrilled to know that the second time I hold my Layla in my arms, days after I get to Vietnam, that she will be legally mine. None of this living with this worry in the back of my mind that she could be taken at any moment. None of this back and forth with the court system. What a blessing.

[makarios79]

I personally see nothing wrong with an AA who seeks to adopt a child or children outside of their race, as I plan to do the same in the future and I don't feel bad about it all.

I know of several AA who have adopted from other countries because they felt that is where *their* child was. I am the founder/moderator of a a fairly large online group of AA who are adopting or have adopted from Ethiopia children and I am a member of a pretty decent size group of AA who are adopting or have adopted from Asia. I know AA people who have adopted from Haiti, India, Vietnam & Liberia.

I have been to the orphanages in 3rd world countries and the kids here in America, even in the worst foster home are living in much better conditions than most orphans in 3rd world countries....

And I have read of AA people who have adopted CC and Hispanic children right here in the US..I don't know if they sought out that Hispanic or CC child, but to me it doesn't matter.

I personally feel no obligation to adopt ONLY AA child just because I am myself....My first foster son was full CC and if he had come up for adoption instead of being reunified, I would have most likely adopted him. Should I have passed him on to a CC adoptive family if he became available for adoption, just because he is full CC and ( and therefore "highly adoptable") and there are AA kids who are waiting to be adopted instead of adopting him?..YEAH RIGHT

I have found that people who make most of the comments, like the ones mentioned above are by people who are ALSO NOT adopting all the many AA children who are available for adoption. So if you aren't, why are you trying to force me too...

I don't see it as excluding my own, and I am saying all this, not as a person on the outside looking in on the adoption world, but as a single professional AA mother is currently fostering a full AA child AND will be adopting 2 AA/CC children in a couple of months (just waiting on our finalization date)..

I'm not adopting my kids because they are black or half black and I would "look" bad for adopting kids that are not black...I'm adopting them because they are my kids....They could have been asian, hispanic, cc, or whatever..I would have still adopted them...

I don't look negatively upon or have ill feelings for AA who ONLY want to adopt AA or BR children. I think if that is what you feel you should do then you should absolutely do it, but in the same breath I don't think someone should be looked upon negatively just because they choose to not adopt AA children, just because they are themselves AA...I think everyone should do what is right for their family without judgment.

But these are just my thoughts....What are yours?

[nickchris]

I think you got some input, which *you* initially asked for, evidently it does not match your own. If the plight of the kids overseas, touches your heart, then that is good, who wants to see kids suffer period. Good to see that your heart reaches out to all kids, aa and others. Did you expect to be validated for what you do? because, parenting is not for the faint of heart.
However, what I do hear, and view is that there are a lots of people who are on the IA route to begin with, as opposed to the children of color availabe *here*. The input I get from a lot of my neighbors who did IA/TRA are this, at least I do not have to deal with a birthmother who will change their minds, the poverty issues are usually second nature to their need to get a child they can more identify with. Usually the poverty hits them when they get there to meet their child. It is also my understanding that the children in a lot of these countries, are in orphanages because their own people do not want to adopt them because of stigmas.. hmm, sounds familiar.
In addition, it is good that you have a venue to give support for folks that adopt from the black countries that are not as popular as Guatemala, and the various Asian countries.
Another thought, we have enough problems within the state's foster care system, and giving the basics needs, does not make a whole person.
Who would not feel bonded to any child that becomes a part of their home? that's a given.
Regardless, you cannot discount that there are reasons (usually negative) for folks to go waaay across the seas, and *ignore* the available black kids in the states. Got to clean up the house first.
oh!! fwiw my folks came from what is considered a 3rd world country.

[Sleeplvr]

You asked a question and got answers... I guess it wasn't what you were expecting. Anyhoo...if you only want people who support your view then make sure you note in the post that you only want opinions which align with your own.

BTW...I am a member of one of your groups and I didn't appreciate the post that one of your members made about blacks who don't adopt outside the race are ignorant. No one challenged that opinion so I guess we are just ignorant for not being so enlightened. I'll wear my ignorance proudly until we do as Nick says in cleaning our own house first. CC's have made sure that their house was clean before moving on to transracial adoptions so what is so wrong about AA's doing the same?

I have no problem with foster care adoptions because I am a foster parent and have adopted from the foster care system. I have also completed a private domestic adoption. So *I* know what I'm talking about and not just paying lip service to the topic.

Peace.

[makarios79]

Did you expect to be validated for what you do? because, parenting is not for the faint of heart.

Nope, I don't need anyone's validation for anything I choose to do in life. I'm used to being the minority for my way of thinking, no matter what the subject.......

Just expressing my thoughts...and getting others opinions ....I'm not asking for anyone to agree with me...I am just asking and continue to welcome all viewpoints opposing or not...

[makarios79]

You asked a question and got answers... I guess it wasn't what you were expecting. Anyhoo...if you only want people who support your view then make sure you note in the post that you only want opinions which align with your own.

I wasn't expecting one thing or another. I just asked a question. Everyone else gave their opinion and then I gave mine. I don't need people to support my view and I NEVER stated in any post I made to this thread even the last one you are referring to...to only post if you agree with me..As a matter of fact my last statement was: But these are just my thoughts....What are yours? Not one time did I say "POST ONLY IF YOU AGREE WITH ME"

BTW...I am a member of one of your groups and I didn't appreciate the post that one of your members made about blacks who don't adopt outside the race are ignorant.

I don't remember that comment on any of the groups I moderate/founded, but I NEVER said that and just because someone who is a member of a group I founded believes that doesn't mean I share that viewpoint. Because I don't share that viewpoint

CC's have made sure that their house was clean before moving on to transracial adoptions so what is so wrong about AA's doing the same?

If you feel like this is what you should do..then by all means do it....I never said *you* shouldn't ...

So *I* know what I'm talking about and not just paying lip service to the topic.

Never said you were ..my comment was not directed at you.....When I made this statement: "I have found that people who make most of the comments, like the ones mentioned above are by people who are ALSO NOT adopting all the many AA children who are available for adoption. So if you aren't, why are you trying to force me too..." I was referring to comments that were similar to these that I have heard: They all went on to express the disgust and anger they would have felt if I choose an Asian or Latin child. Let me clarify that I was not referring to the posters or the comments that were posted to the threads above

AGAIN LET ME SAY THIS: I NEVER ONCE SAID YOU HAD TO AGREE WITH MY VIEWPOINT TO POST TO THIS THREAD....

[nickchris]

That is good that you are not looking for validation. Minority way of thinking ? if it means thinking outside the box? or hopefully not thinking differently from other unenlightened folks? The beauty of blacks as a race, is that we come from all different walks of life, and we can learn to value what we all have to share. Love the new ways too, yet I find the old school ways to have a lot of good meat to still steer me in my life path. I love to do and discuss different stuff, dh and I encourage the boys to do that all the time. It is nice that black folks have the freedom now to do most of what we are interested in. Yet, I am also aware of what is truth.

Originally Posted by makarios79

Nope, I don't need anyone's validation for anything I choose to do in life. I'm used to being the minority for my way of thinking, no matter what the subject.......

Just expressing my thoughts...and getting others opinions ....I'm not asking for anyone to agree with me...I am just asking and continue to welcome all viewpoints opposing or not...

[Sniffles]

While we encourage members to share from their experiences, we do ask that you do so in a manner that is both kind and respectful to the person you are responding to. Please remember that Adoption is a very emotional topic for most all of our participants in one way or another.

Please also remember that problems from other boards NEED to stay there and not be brought here. If you have a personal issue to discuss with a member, please take it off the boards and discuss it via PM.