[weets]

Hi All,

We are an interracial couple (I am AA and DH is CC), and we have been HS approved for over a year. No placement yet! Just an unbelievable string of unfortunate events, mismatches and failed placements. We are looking to adopt an AA or BR newborn of either gender. We are currently working with a couple of agencies. Every time someone says that we'll able to match (and get a placement) quickly I just cringe....fees are way OTT, especially since our first adoption 4 years ago, and I am finding that many agencies just aren't doing their homework or providing counseling and support to emoms so that they are clear about their choices.

Is anybody feeling me?

Any reccomendations/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to PM me if you prefer!

BTW, we're in Calif.



Thanks for listening.

[loveajax]

Weets, the costs of adoption are outrageous. I am sorry too that you have struggled so long this time for a baby.

I have a biracial DD and would like to adopt again, but the cost thing is really prohibitive.

I have heard of some agencies that consider AA or biracial infants "special needs" (ACK!) and have lower fees, but still at the end of the day, I think you have to spend probably at least at least $15-20K. (Although we used an "expensive" agency for our first adoption, at least it was a flat fee and it was in-state so that cut down some of the costs.).

I am sorry you are dealing with this and hope you find your second child soon! Hang in there!

[Linny]

I will completely agree that fees are out of sight...and sinfully so; but there are ways to complete your adoptions w/o spending fees of 15-20K !!!!! I know that some agencies continue to charge these types of fees, but often adopting through an attorney (and still some agencies) is much less expensive. Now, if you are considering the additional costs of staying out of state...I can understand those fees.
But, for instance, I called one agency who quoted incredible fees as you're speaking of, and told them we couldn't afford them.....told them what kind of monies we could afford, and left it at that. We've received a newborn by doing just that---telling an agency/attorney what we can pay, and told them to consider us when/if they got a placement like that. (And we will only adopt AA or possibly bi-racial babies.)
I will be glad to send to you my own list of agencies/attorneys I have spoken with, who DO have fees that are not ALWAYS so expensive.

Sincerely,

Linny

[loveajax]

Linny, could you PM those to me too? I would really appreciate it. Thanks!!

[shycar]

Just a suggestion. Have you thought about adopting through the state or county (foster care system). Its free or very minimal. It is stressful especially if you fost/adopt and children might have some needs, example, drug exposure. There are many children out there that need a home. My son came to us at 14 months old and my daughter 2 days old.

[Linny]

To adopt through the state foster care program is indeed an option; but a lot of states (as I live in and have experienced) do not have the availability of children under the age of three.

And, from our experiences in adopting (and failing) in those adoptions---even after years of parenting them, I can guarantee that very often the emotional toll in dealing with many older child adoptions, can often be more 'expensive' than the financial toll of adopting infants through the private sector.

Just my opinion from the experiences we have had. There is a huge need for people to adopt children from the state foster system; but the parenting of those children (unless they arrive as infants) is more often than not, a different type of parenting, indeed.

Sincerely,

Linny

[weets]

We have considered adoption form the foster care system in the past, and are seriously looking at it now. But like you said, very few infants are available. I would only consider a child that is legally free, since the inherent lack of stability in concurrent planning would not be in the best interest of our daughter. We would hate to bring a child home only to have the child returned to the birth family.

Thanks for your suggestions and lists, everyone!

[Yash]

Weets,

I live in LA and I am adopting a second time through foster care. You can go through the foster care training, get certified, and tell them you only want children placed that are legally free. Yes, your wait will be longer. Reunification in fost/adopt placements are low because DCF is only placing children they feel have a very high, over 90%, probability of being adopted.

My son came home at 5 days old. He is black. All known family members had been contacted before he was placed with me to see if there was any interest in taking him and they all said no.

What factors contributed to him being placed in an adoptive home instead of a foster home?

He was birth mom's fifth child.
Birth mom hadn't followed through on any of her previous case plans.
The two children born before him were also adopted, by non-relatives.

While my son's adoption took much longer than predicted, I never once truly feared he would be taken from me.

My daughter was placed with me at eight days old this past Christmas season. We have a hearing in May to terminate parental rights. The judge terminated reunification services for her birth parents in January. So if everything continues to go well, and I pray it does, her adoption should be finalized before fall.

With every adoption, there is a risk. I think if you work with a good private agency in CA, they will do their best to place a child with you whose case best fits your family. Through both my adoption processes, my SWs said no to situations due to the legal risk for me. And when both my children were placed my SWs told me they felt these were the best situations possible for me.

With all that said, dealing with DCF and the state can be draining so for my third adoption I'm adopting internationally.

Best of luck,

Yash

[weets]

Yash,

Thanks so much for sharing your story and insight. Did you use a county agency? (We're in Alameda County) I'm not hip to all the different types of entities involved with adoption from foster care. We already have an approved homestudy for a private adoption - do you know if that can be somehow 'transformed' to one that qualifies us to accept a placement from foster care, or do we have to *sigh* start at square one?

Thanks!

Weets
Jumping through so many hoops that I might as well join Cirque de Soliel

[weets]

Well, they say when you least expect it...

We've been 'expecting' for so long, with no results and lots of disappointment, that we sort of decided to just move on with our lives. We went away for a nice restful 3 day holiday weekend, which was interruped by a phone call...Long story short, our son went home with us 2 days ago! The most perfect situation came along for us, and now we join the ranks of the happily sleep-deprived. He is beautiful in every way!

We are so elated!

Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions, support, and virtual hugs!

Weets
Down and out no longer!

Originally Posted by weets

Hi All,

We are an interracial couple (I am AA and DH is CC), and we have been HS approved for over a year. No placement yet! Just an unbelievable string of unfortunate events, mismatches and failed placements. We are looking to adopt an AA or BR newborn of either gender. We are currently working with a couple of agencies. Every time someone says that we'll able to match (and get a placement) quickly I just cringe....fees are way OTT, especially since our first adoption 4 years ago, and I am finding that many agencies just aren't doing their homework or providing counseling and support to emoms so that they are clear about their choices.

Is anybody feeling me?

Any reccomendations/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to PM me if you prefer!

BTW, we're in Calif.



Thanks for listening.

[Linny]

Weets:
JUST when you least expect it, huh!?!??!?! SOOO HAPPY for all of you! Sleep-deprivation lasts only for awhile (even if it's a year, as I've experienced too). But....this is great! Great news. Great news!

My best to you all...

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[joskids]

I have said this to others who are feeling hopeless on this board, if you give up, it can never happen. And it always happens when you least expect it. I'm so very happy for you. Post photos when you can. And try to get some sleep!!

[Yash]

Weets,

Congrats!!! It's the greatest sleep deprivation ever!!! ENJOY!!

Yash

[makarios79]

Originally Posted by weets

Well, they say when you least expect it...

We've been 'expecting' for so long, with no results and lots of disappointment, that we sort of decided to just move on with our lives. We went away for a nice restful 3 day holiday weekend, which was interruped by a phone call...Long story short, our son went home with us 2 days ago! The most perfect situation came along for us, and now we join the ranks of the happily sleep-deprived. He is beautiful in every way!

We are so elated!

Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions, support, and virtual hugs!

Weets
Down and out no longer!

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by weets

Well, they say when you least expect it... Long story short, our son went home with us 2 days ago!

Congrats!!! What's his name?