[adoptionislove1]

Hello all,

I am an single, African American woman seeking to adopt an African American or biracial newborn/infant. I wanted to get some feedback regarding your experiences being a single, aa or br adoptive parent (i.e., waiting time, possible matches, the challenges you faced once the baby was home with you). The last one is especially for woman who brought home newborns. Do you feel your wait was longer because you were single? What has your experience been?

A little about me:

I work full time and have a lot of family and friend's support. I plan to take as much time off as possible.

I was recently working with an foster to adopt agency for two years. During those years, I was placed with two girls, both under the age of 2. Both were eventually returned home (as is what usually happens). I decided that was not what I wanted to go through again, so I stopped working with them. I decided to go through a private adoption agency. Once I signed with the private agency and sent my release papers to my old agency to have them forward my files, they agreed to send the information to them. My old agency said they had already mailed my information to them. My new agency has not received any paperwork from them and it's been about a week and a half. It should only take 2 days at the most since we are in the next town. I am certified until February so I would not need to do a full home study again once the new agency receives my paperwork. My old agency seems to be having an issue with sending my paperwork to the new agency. I don't know what the problem is. Anyway, everything is done with the exception of them sending my paperwork to them. I was profiled to an aa couple before everything was complete, but the birthparents chose another couple. So now my waiting begins with this new private agency. I am looking to adopt a baby girl (yes, I have to be gender specific because that is what I really want).

Anyway, I'll look forward to your experiences and feedback.

[angel619]

Hi,

I am also a single AA female but I'm looking to adopt an older child. My homestudy was approved in August of last year and I'm justing waiting on a placement. I've inquired about several children on the photolisting and may have a possible situation coming up. However, I hope the wait is not longer for us, just because we are single. I guess it just depends. I've read quite a few posts on these boards and there appear to be several families (single and married couples) who have had long waits. You really have to be proactive and stay in contact with the CWs. What I've learned is if you sit back and wait, nothing will happen. Good luck in your journey!

[adoptionislove1]

Are you working with a private agency?

[SavannahGirl]

I am also single and AA. I adopted my three year old daughter as a newborn in a private domestic adoption. The process was very smooth. The application and homestudy process took me about 10 months. Mostly because I dragged my feet completing the paperwork. I was matched less than three months later with a child that was already born. My daughter was my first and only match. I can't think of any challenges that occurred because I was single. If you have a good support system and reliable childcare you will be fine. A job with some flexiblity is also helpful but not really necessary if you have a good support system.

I'm currently trying to adopt my second child through foster/adopt. This journey has been much less smooth and I haven't even had a match or placement yet. My homestudy was completed in June of last year. I feel your pain about switching agencies. It took me at least two months and many, many phone calls to switch between two foster/adopt agencies. It was very frustrating.

I hope things start moving for both of you ladies soon.

[adoptionislove1]

Thanks Angel619 and SavannahGirl. I truly appreciate your feedback.

[teendoc]

If you haven't already, you might want to post in the Single Adoptive Parents section to get more feedback.

[adoptionislove1]

Thanks Teendoc, I will.

[bethy724]

I am cc but single & wanted to add my experience. I was a foster/adoptive parent for CPS & received an emergency placement for my foster/now adopted son. When they called they did not ask the color of my skin or marital status - my son needed a home-he is bi-racial.

I understand your not wanting to go foster/adopt route it could be devestating it just happened to work out for me & my son.

Best of luck - I LOVE being a single mom - it's a lot of work & a lot of joy/pride!!! My son will be 4 Sunday - he was placed at 33 months.

[bethy724]

He was placed at 3 months - sorry for the typo.

[Asha0314]

Hi,
I'm a single AA that recently finalized a newborn(AA) adoption thru a private agency. My daughter is now 8 months old. I had two referrals that didn't work out before my daughter was placed with me--the first was about 4 months after my homestudy was completed, the second about a month later. It seemed like watiing forever at the time but I realize, especially after reading other stories on this website, that I was blessed. I called the agency periodically during the waiting period to see how things were going, not to bug them, just to keep me in mind. It was about 6 months after my homestudy was completed that I got the call about my daughter. She was already born and the mother signed the TPR about a day or two later. DD was home about a week later from the hospital. The most challenging thing about having her home was the lack of sleep and change in the household schedule that comes from having a newborn. I really had to adjust to that. Fortunately, I have a strong family support system which I believe is esential in so many ways for a single parent adoption. Also, there were now new expenses, mostly formula and diapers, and my health insurance costs doubled. Now, it's diapers, formula and baby food. I could manage, I am managing, and I wouldn't change a thing, but these are changes I had to adjust to. As a single parent, it would be really good to have someone living with you that could take care of the baby if you have errands to run or if you have someone to run eraands for you. This is something else that definitely has a big impact on the life of a single parent--child care considerations every time you have to go anywhere. It is obvious, but the impact isn't clear until you are in the situation.
Best wishes in your adoption endeavors!

[angel619]

I'm thru my local DSS office

[angel619]

I meant I'm going "thru" my local DSS office.

[adoptionislove1]

I appreciate all of your responses. They have been great. I look forward to reading more. After looking into the Single Adoptive Parent website, recommended to me by another member, I realized that was not where I needed to be. Please continue to give your feedback. I will check regularly. I anticipate your response.

[vernellinnj]

I wanted to get some feedback regarding your experiences being a single, aa or br adoptive parent (i.e., waiting time, possible matches, the challenges you faced once the baby was home with you).

Single, AA fost/adopt parent here. I have had my fosterson for about 19 months - he came to me at about 21 months of age. Prayerfully I will be able to adopt him this year but with fostadopt nothing is certain. My heart would break if I lost him but I can honeslty say I wouldn't choose never having the opportunity to parent him over the unknown outcome-KWIM?

I was initially licensed for foster only and later updated my homestudy to adoption. I have not had one call for a straight adoption (obviously would have been my peference) and it's been about 18 mos.

As for challeges, I echo another poster - a good support system and flexible job is essential for me. I really couldn't make it (personally) without the latter. My support system is pretty good - I rely a lot on church members and friends as my family is not near. I also pay out a LOT of money in sitters - thank God I am able to do so. Not sure how I would do it if I did not have a "good job"

Good luck.

[Yash]

A great support system is key. And if you can find a daycare that is in-home instead that's even better. I've found in-home daycares are willing to work with you more.

I grew up around my family so I wanted my kids to do the same, but I was just looking at it from the knowing your family perspective. Now post-kids, I realize they double as babysitters in crunch times.

My mom has been a godsend.