[Yash]

when people say "Oh, your baby has your eyes" or "S/he looks just like you."

Most of the time I nod my head and keep walking. My friend says sometimes her husband will correct the person and tell them that their almost nine-month-old is adopted, which is sort of bothering her.

Second, my friend asked how you introduce adoption to your child. I told her I read my son adoption books. Last night we read Roma Downey's book "Love Is A Family" that discusses how different families exist: single moms, single dads, kids who are adopted, kids being raised by their grandparents. Great book. I also read "Tell Me Again...", "A Mother for Choco", etc... I'm also going to write a book about how each of my children came to be part of the family. I figured we would just talk about his adoption, the same way my mom told me the story of my birth.

Did I tell my friend the right thing? Are you guys doing anything different or extra?

[vernellinnj]

My fc looks like I could have given birth to him - when I'm told he looks like me I just smile.

As for how to introduce the topic, I've never mentioned the word adoption as I'm not sure what will ultimately happen in my case. I simply say mommy (that's what he calls me) and your other mommy (HIS name for his birthmom) love you very much. A nice man called a judge will decide if you should live with me or other mommy. I've said it so much that I really think he understands. I just asked - who will decide if you live with mommy or other mommy? Sure enough, he said "the bud". I said yes, that's right, the judge.

Tell your friend to simply make their story THEIR story.....

[rraiford]

People are constantly telling me that my adopted son looks like me or looks like a mixture of my husband and me. Even people who know our son is adopted insist on seeing this great resemblance. Someday I will write a column about it. Generally I say "oh you think so" or "he is a cutie-pie" and take the comment as a a compliment. I wish I was a cute as my son. I am active in promoting adoption and in eliminating adoption myths and I am know in my community so many people know we adopted because they know they never saw me watching around pregnant. However, I don't give out particulars about my son's history because that is his story to tell. Some days I wonder am I too open? Some people still whisper about adoption like it was a dreaded disease. I am so proud of my family and I respect the gift that adoption is.

[Linny]

Over the years, I've often thought I was too open about my children and their story. Though I never disclosed real personal stuff, sometimes, I've thought later, "Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut??!!!"

Still, we've always been big on adoption here...and for many of the places we lived, being transracial was a big deal, not to mention the fact that adoption---as you've mentioned, can still be whispered like it is a dreaded disease.

Because all of our children are not caucasian (and we seemingly are).......people have still made comments. It IS uncanny that our oldest sounds exactly like me when talking. So, we've taken to kindly saying....."Well, we believe that some genetic traits ARE transfered through the air!!!" It's become a common comment in our family, as well as extended family.
If nothing else, it does give people reason to pause and think about it. Which, I think, is ultimately a good thing.

Sincerely,

Linny

[rraiford]

My little boy's personality is so similiar to my husband; it makes me laugh right out loud. I have a pair of fussbudgets on my hands. On the other hand, my husband thinks our son is picking up a lot of my traits. We share a fear of bugs and enjoy bursting out into song at random moments. So "genes" must fly through the air.

[BethanyB]

I am CC and my kids are black and yet I get this all the time. I think they assume my husband is black. (I'm single) I just smile and say, "You think so?" or "Oh thank you." We are just thanking them for their observation and being polite. I don't feel the need to tell the strangers about my kids life history. I am very proud of how my kids came into my life but I don't want to have to answer a million questions while I'm in Baby Gap shopping for my kids. They are just my kids. I don't want to be the poster person for adoption. I just want to be a regular mom.