[SweetJane]

Hi, i'm new here!
I read Lee Varon book " Adoption on your own" and came across this story:
I was in the grocery store, and a woman looked at me and my daughter. I'm white and my daughter is african-american. Is that your daughter? she asked. I said "Yes". Her father must have been very dark, she said. I couldn't resist answering " I don't know, I've never met the man".
My question is maybe some of you had some similar experience. Can your tell me about it. What do you reply in this situation.
Thanks.

[makarios79]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

Hi, i'm new here!
I read Lee Varon book " Adoption on your own" and came across this story:
I was in the grocery store, and a woman looked at me and my daughter. I'm white and my daughter is african-american. Is that your daughter? she asked. I said "Yes". Her father must have been very dark, she said. I couldn't resist answering " I don't know, I've never met the man".
My question is maybe some of you had some similar experience. Can your tell me about it. What do you reply in this situation.
Thanks.

Well I have a sorta somewhat similar situation.

I am a VERY dark skinned AA woman and my soon to be adopted sons are biracial, light skinned and they have a lot of "white" looking features.. (such as my youngest has straight hair) and I have had people ask me, after they heard the boys calling me mama: Is your baby's daddy white? I tell them: No my baby's mama is and I just walk away leaving them looking confused as ever.

[nickchris]

Depends on the situation, and my mood. My bio boys are lighter than I am. I have been mistaken for my youngest (thought I was his teacher lol) Sometimes humor is warranted, or not over reacting..since the child is looking to us as the main example, of how to deal with nosy folks etc;

[SHD]

I agree with NickChris, depends on my mood. IMO my DD's adoption story is hers and hers alone. The general public does not need to know the details. We don't walk up to complete strangers and ask their conception story so why should they know our story.

Now on the other hand if a complete stranger asks a suggestion might be to ask them why they want to know b/c this individual might be interested in adoption. Here is where being an advocate would be helpful. It's still your choice to answer so that your child's privacy might be respected.

Good luck and welcome to the forums.

Helayne

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

Is that your daughter? she asked. I said "Yes". Her father must have been very dark, she said. I couldn't resist answering " I don't know, I've never met the man".

Hey, that's my line! I've used it alot since Maire-Kate was born and I think the person is just being too nosy.

[BethanyB]

Most people do not ask me things like that because people assume that my husband is black and don't really ask me adoption questions or fish for things but this actually happened once to me with a nosey neighbor in my apartment building.

I could so tell she was fishing for info and I just hate that. She said, Oh your son is so tall. Is his father tall???? I just replied, "I don't know" and walked away like nothing happened.