[DenverDog]

As as prospective adoptive parent I don't see race as an issue. We all talk about the vast availability of AA kids available for adoption, yet all of the agencies are charging exhorbitant fees. You hear about the number of AA kids in foster care, yet it takes an act of congress to have a caseworker to return a call to see if you're matched.

It truly should be about being a parent or the best interests of the child. If your heart tells you that you can only bond with an AA child, there's nothing wrong with that. However, if you dont want to spend years in adoption purgatory, then open your heart to the child that you feel could be yours. You might be surprised that love really is unconditional. Regardless, a child will receive a loving home.

I reserve all comment regarding the which races should "stick together" and "look out for their own". I think the phrasing alone speaks volumes.

Sidenote: are we actually having a debate in a forum that's built on loving children and sensitivity, whilst referring to actual humans as blacks and whites?? really? really?

[Fe2002]

As a single AA amom, it simply never crossed my mind to adopt anything other than an AA child. When I first started the process I checked off AA or AA/other box. I have several family members that are multi-racial (AA/CC and AA/Asian) and I consider them fully AA. To *not* have checked off that box would have meant I would not accept little munchkins like my cousins Keisha and Erica. I ADORE those girls...

However, I realize now how naive I was when I started this process. I learned from this site, and from attending adoption meetings just how inherently racist the adoption journey can be for full AA babies. When I signed on to my second agency - I selected AA only.

A side note, When I got my first question of whether I was "adopting a little white baby or one from China", you could have knocked me over with a feather. I'm glad the first few people to ask were friends and family... because my knee-jerk response was along the lines of "huh?, are you on crack?!" I was later asked the same question from collegues (both AA and CC), I had refined my answer a bit...

[teendoc]

I got the question of whether I was adopting from China as well. I was like, why the hell would I? With all the black children who need black parents, it would be madness for me to adopt from China. (And I too used the same "crack" response!)

[Sleeplvr]

I was asked if we would be adopting from China as well. I took it one of two ways depending on the person who said it. They were either clueless about adoption or it was a extremely offhand compliment. The offhand compliment was one that says you are too good for one for those black crack babies and deserve a good Chinese babies.

[nickchris]

If we were to do this all over again, I would take the same route.. DD is worth it. The more I learn about the angles in the adoption field, the more I would not change my choice on the application check list.

[Synesthesia]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

I was asked if we would be adopting from China as well. I took it one of two ways depending on the person who said it. They were either clueless about adoption or it was a extremely offhand compliment. The offhand compliment was one that says you are too good for one for those black crack babies and deserve a good Chinese babies.

Wow, the person who made that comment must not be aware of attachment disorders...

[nickchris]

Nor the fact that children in domestic foster care, are at risk for attachment issues, like the IA children.

[Synesthesia]

Adoption seems riskier than people think regardless of race, country of origin, gender, age, any of those factors.

It's slightly intimidating.

[somedaymom]

Hi... I'm happy to hear an opinionated person speak on transracial adoptions. My husband and I are both caucasian, and our desire has always been to adopt any race that God puts in our life. Specifically, we hope for AA children because of the same thing you've pointed out-- that AA are harder to place, and that infuriates me! However, now that we are actually beginning the application process, I am having fears that there is a perception in the AA community that perhaps CC couple adopting AA children is not good for the AA baby and may be too hard, creating too much of an identity crisis? I'm not meaning to make a blanket statement hear, but I have heard comments from some individuals which indicate this view is out there. Anyway, I guess I would really love to hear your reaction to CC couples wanting (not just being "open to") AA children. I consider myself pretty socially conscious, but I feel like there are very competing issues here. I just want to love my children the best I can and don't want to do anything harmful under the guise of "good intentions."

Thanks,

somedaymom

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

AA’s are pretty open to race when it comes to the foster care arena but on the private adoption side no…. Here's my take on why AA's are not so open to pursuing other races in private adoptions. Our kids are the last on the desirability list. If we don't adopt them who will? It would come across as looking like we don't value our own people. CC's didn't start adopting transracially in significant numbers until the supply of CC children dwindled. Why should we expect or hope another group will adopt our kids? At this point *I* think it is extremely self-indulgent when you are AA to actively pursue a non AA child when agencies are beating the bushes looking for people to adopt AA children. It’s one thing to say I’m open to any race and another to say I don’t want an AA child. I have seen that happening lately more and more and I have some hard feelings about that. It bothers me that there are AA’s who are willing to wait years and pay high fees to get a child of another race when they can adopt one of their own race with lower fees and in a few months.

[nickchris]

That is cool that you all are considering adopting a black child. Your question shows that a lot of deep thought is going on. Having bio kids myself, I find that adopting a child takes a bit more deep thought than having a bio kid, regarding loss, on the child's part. Then add another layer adopting a black child.
I am not speaking for all black people, but this is how I see it:
I view it this way, a white person who is willing to parent a child of color, in this case AA/black need to be able to step in their child's shoes, and be open to think outside of their comfort level. Can a trans-racial adoption work? and still keep a child's positive self identity intact, I think so.
How? off hand, once they are past the cute little child stage, how will the child be perceived by society, especially when they are teenagers, adults? Racism is out there, for my kids, and other black kids, no matter how much we want to shield them. Therefore, we parents of black kids, need to prepare them. I think love is not enough, even though it is the best foundation. More needs to be built on that foundation. If the parent decides to avoid reality, and not prepare their child, there goes the identity issues. Any parent who are in denial about that, is setting their child up for issues.

[Sleeplvr]

I agree with Nick. I can't add more to it and want to keep from taking the thread off topic.

[sbaglio]

One comment that has been made before that I think is interesting is how you would feel potentially having members of your family (i.e. the child's bfamily) be AA? If your child grows up to marry an AA, the spouse's family will also be part of your family, and the spouse may take your family name. And I agree with the view that oftentimes it is difficult to think of our child as a teenager or adult, and not simply as an infant or toddler, and one must be prepared to deal with society's perceptions and prepare our children (and ourselves) for those. That being said, I think transracial adoption is wonderful, and applaud you for considering it.

[DenverDog]

Seems I've offended the entire board. My apologies. I'll retract my post, and refrain from posting opposing views in the future.

[nickchris]

I am sorry what is speaking, or acting black?? can you define that, because in my 42 years, i have yet to be able to figure that one out, as being aware of who we are. Where did you grow up? because my community do try to take care of their own, I see it from the Islands, and here in the states, and more importantly in my family. Kin or not.

In addition no most black people I know do not hate ccs who adopt black children. Discussing racism, and the society our children will grow up in , does not = disliking cc folks who adopt black kids.

[bethy724]

I am so thankful to God that when I got the emergency placement call for my foster/ now adopted son nobody asked what color my skin was & I never asked the color of his. I wish our lives together could be that simple, however I'm not naive but I have NO IDEA how a person speaks, acts or dresses black!!! My stomach hurts now.