[almostthere]

do you live in california? if you do pm me and i will give you the info

[nickchris]

Obligated? I do not get that statement, so because folks like me adopt an aa child. A child who is black like dh and I, it is out of obligation? LOL that is a new one. I must be getting old. :-) With all of the races we have as friends, and are comfortable around, with all of the racial combos in my family, it still does not change what is.
Guess all the other races who adopt their own race are feeling obligated as well. I do not know what this conversation is really about, other than some are trying to prove that love conquers all, but it still does not change that aa children are at the bottom of the desired list.

[almostthere]

im sorry if that offends you but it just my opinon nothing more nothing less. please go back and read my statment i never said that if you are AA and you adopt AA then you do it out of obligation that would make no sence as we are adopting an AA boy im merly saying that if you are black and you have another prefrence then DO YOU. Same as whites who want want other then just DO YOU.

[nickchris]

I am not offended, I am just going by your paragraph below.
I have never heard adopting your own race, as feeling obligated. I guess in your clarification: you are saying it likens to having a choice, and out of guilt a person would adopt a black child (I hope not on that reason). In general, we blacks have no choice but to be there for each other, and it needs to be more so. Go to most AA churches, and there is a sense of community. Obligation to me means oh well I need to do this, or else I will be looked at all funny. We were asked what racial preferences by our agency, we did not hesitate to say aa because that is what we are,not out of obligation. That was one of the easiest question, lol all the other questions were hard. My view is that the adoption arena has made race a big issue with the breaking down of every drop in that baby's make-up. Viewing that is very disturbing to me. Once they start applying a different price based on that racial make-up it is nauseating.

Quote:

"but i have to think that there is a family that will love her as much as we love our little guy i would hate for her to go to some one who is black just because they feel obligated to do so"

[almostthere]

You make great points all of which most of of have heard before because we do our research to, but the fact remains each one will make there own choices, can i ask a question? I live in california where the county makes you foster the child before you adopt them, if you were the foster mom of a white shild and he/she became bonded to you and come up for adopt would you turn him/her down because of race? this is not ment to be confrentation but it a serious question

[nickchris]

Hmm I did not have to research, but you are right it is an individuals choice. Your hypothetical question will only go down one road... if you are bonded to a child would you over look their race? What do you think?

[almostthere]

honestly it was not ment like that but if thats how you take it its up to you

[nickchris]

No worries.

[almostthere]

I am new here and i really dont mean to come off mean or anything i am asking a real question, are most of the people here stright adopters? or foster/adopt? i think that makes a big difference in prospective. I know it does for me we foster adopt so race is not important to me as much as them being healthy psy.ment, but if i was going to do a stright adoption i would take an infant boy only from hati/Gaut because of the fee amount and the fact the boys are the least favorite

[nickchris]

Could be, we were private domestic, but recently placed with a baby girl straight from foster care. I do not see your posts as being mean at all.

[almostthere]

thank you cris for understanding and i appricate your view

[nickchris]

No problem, :-) discussions with differing opinions are not always without some heat. The key is we can still be nice and interact in other threads etc; later on, so no worries.

[teendoc]

Originally Posted by almostthere

You make great points all of which most of of have heard before because we do our research to, but the fact remains each one will make there own choices, can i ask a question? I live in california where the county makes you foster the child before you adopt them, if you were the foster mom of a white shild and he/she became bonded to you and come up for adopt would you turn him/her down because of race? this is not ment to be confrentation but it a serious question

I was and am only interested in straight private adoption. Fostering is way too difficult emotionally for my family to handle. I applaud those that do foster adoption, but I was enough of an emotional wreck with private adoption.

As such, I couldn't answer your question because it wouldn't come up. I asked to be put in the biracial/black program and thus it was done. Again, as nick*chris said, not an obligation, but a strong desire.

[BethanyB]

I think that if you are a foster adopt family and you are open to race than adopting the child that you have grown to love is quite normal no matter what race you OR the child is. So if you are black and were open to race for foster placements and then one of your white foster kids came up for adoption, than I would find it normal to want the child you bonded with to be a part of your forever family.

HOWEVER, I tend to agree with Nickchris, Teendoc and Sleep on this one when they say that it seems shady for an AA person to LOOK for a child of another race when black children in this country are in need of homes.

It just seems odd to me that a black person would turn down black kids and wait a long time and pay lots of money for a white child.

White people adopt black children because race is not important to them but they are not turning down white babies to adopt these black kids. I am white and adopted from the foster care system. I was open to any race but I knew I would be called for an AA child as there is an overwhelming need for home for these kids. I was called four days after being certified for my gorgeous AA son. And I keep getting calls for AA kids. Many infants at that. I have never been called for a white child. Imagine I was black and was open to race and turned down all of the black kids because I wanted a white one? That just seems wrong. ANd I would feel that way if it were the other way around.

The truth is that AA kids are at the bottom of the list. I can't count the times I have heard on this website and others how people are open to any race but FULL AA. WTH is that? Look at the cost of full AA adoptions.

And as much as I agree that race should not matter and love is what is important, when a black person turns down black child after black child because they are waiting for a white one, something does not feel right inside of me.

The woman who ran my foster adopt classes told me that she has seen more than a few black adoptive parents want only white or biracial kids and that skin color was the motive and I just thought how sad.

So although it makes sense to adopt a child you have bonded to nomatter what race, being black and going out of your way to adopt a white child just makes me wonder what is going on here.

[jadasfostermom]

You know I can't even say that I had a strong desire to adopt an AA child. It just wasn't even a thought. I'm AA, my husband is AA. Why would we not adopt an AA child??? That just seems to go without question to me. I'm going to overlook an available child that is just like me? IMO just doesn't make a lot of sense. I respect others decisions, I just couldn't do it.
I have fostered. And if I fostered a child of another race that was freed for adoption, yes I would adopt the child. Because I have become bonded and more than likely will have come to love the child. But that's completely different from going out and purposefully seeking a child of another race to adopt.
Just my .2cents