[makarios79]

Originally Posted by nickchris

That is good that you are not looking for validation. Minority way of thinking ? if it means thinking outside the box? or hopefully not thinking differently from other unenlightened folks? The beauty of blacks as a race, is that we come from all different walks of life, and we can learn to value what we all have to share. Love the new ways too, yet I find the old school ways to have a lot of good meat to still steer me in my life path. I love to do and discuss different stuff, dh and I encourage the boys to do that all the time. It is nice that black folks have the freedom now to do most of what we are interested in. Yet, I am also aware of what is truth.

Thanks for your thoughts Nick Chris! It is nice that we as black folks now have choices that we once didn't have.

When I said I am used to being the minority for my way of thinking....I meant that the majority of people usually share an opposing view and don't think the way I do.....not that my opinion on any subject is right or wrong..but I have found that on a lot of topics most people don't share it...I don't think I am or claim to be more or less enlightened than anyone else...I'm just me...

Again thanks for your viewpoint!

[nickchris]

No problem. :-)

[Linny]

Okay.....again, coming here as a person not identified as AA; but having adopted children who are AA as well as Asian.....
I do believe it is 'seen' as more acceptable for white families to adopt transracially; however, I don't entirely buy the idea that it's simply because the 'supply' of seemingly white babies has dwindled, forcing couples to consider going transracially.
I DO believe the above statement might be part of the reason----and even most of the reason for some couples; but I don't think it applies to all.

You'd be shocked to see how many caseworkers are biased in placing transracially to ANY family...regardess of skin color. I'm sure that's no shock to some of you; but dh and I have seen this time and again.

Years ago, there were articles from the Chicago Tribune speaking to the over-population of black children in that area in foster care. Cases were noted of babies sleeping in office drawers, etc, because the system 'just couldn't find any homes to place them in'! While this was going on, there were families downstate who were wanting to have these babies in their homes, but of course, the system said, 'no'.
A friend of mine and I discussed this at length at the time and I encouraged her to call the Trib to ask to speak to the writers and eventually the director of DCFS, as well as the regional folks who proclaimed of the travesty.
Long story short: Only because she called and continued to call and speak to the 'powers that be', was she finally able to have placement of some of the children from 'up north'.....it was a big deal in trying to have them.
Later, she was able to adopt three children from the system that were multi-racial; and I believe her efforts had a lot to do with this.

However, it was the reluctance of the system----NOT the people who desired this, to have the children placed in homes.
Would it be better to place these children in black homes? Maybe. But the point is, I don't think the lack of AA homes is necessarily because of the population of white homes.

My older-of-the-thee-at-home-now (AA) had a birthmother who was presented at least one family (of the four or five) who involved AA adults. Yet, dh and I (seemingly CC) were chosen....NOT due to color, but because she liked the environment where the baby would grow up. Not sure that's wrong.

I get requests from people on these forums for my suggestion list of agencies. They are all ones that commonly place AA babies. I don't get paid; I wouldn't expect to; but I find that once people get their babies, they don't feel the need to help others out in finding their's----UNLESS they think they can get some $$ out of it! How ridiculous is that?
I know on the other thread, there are those who have posted links on adopting AA babies; but I've found many folks---regardless of color----just don't feel adoption is a priority---or even a consideration at all, to having children.

Sadly, many people adopt only because they feel 'forced to'...and that feeling of 'forced to' carries well into the raising of the baby into an adult. Regardless of color, there's a lot of damage in holding the idea that 'my genetic makeup HAS to be carried by someone in order for me to love them and for me to feel 'validated'.

Okay...that's a long post; I apologize. This kind of thing gets me to thinking and heaven knows, it's rare that anyone should even bring it up--which is why, I too, visit this forum daily and enjoy the readings. Seemingly CC or not, there is much to be learned to help my babies.

Sincerely,

Linny

[StillaMomma]

Originally Posted by Linny

"seemingly white"

"Seemingly CC " Linny

Linny, I'm curious as to why you insert seemingly white/caucasian in all your posts?

[Linny]

Because, for me, I resent the fact that I must be 'categorized' into a particular group of people by the standards of some applications, studies, etc. There are very few; and I mean, very few folks who know their entire genetic makeup. There is no pure group that exists anymore; yet so many identify themselves as if they are. ( I am NOT speaking of anyone here, only those lovely little places of boxes that ask for 'who I am'....when that tells no one anything.)
We are all Heinz 57's when it comes to genetic make-up. Our experiences 'color' us more than our skin.

While this doesn't necessarily qualify me for anything in particular, it does, IMO, more accurately portray who I am, if anyone wants to envision that I 'belong' to a specifc group. Short translation: "Just because the skin color is light, doesn't tell the the full story of genetic makeup or who I am.'

Sincerely,

Linny

[makarios79]

Thanks for sharing Linny and everyone else who has shared thus far.....

but I've found many folks---regardless of color----just don't feel adoption is a priority---or even a consideration at all, to having children.

I also feel that a lot of people don't think adoption is a priority...but after I started fostering/adopting I have had many people inquire about how they could go about doing the same..sometimes I think it just takes one person to step out of the boat

which is why, I too, visit this forum daily and enjoy the readings. Seemingly CC or not, there is much to be learned to help my babies.

I feel the same way.. and I visit daily as well....lol

Again thanks everyone

[StillaMomma]

Gotcha Linny!

[Sleeplvr]

Linny I need to address your comments regarding foster care and families down state wanting kids from upstate. The foster care system is extremely complex and unless you are involved in it some of the decisions they make look crazy.

The goal of foster care is reunification and not placing kids for adoption. Those kids were sleeping in drawers and etc because they have to stay in the area to facilitate reunification. You can't do visits with the bios if the kids a living too far away. In achieving reunification CW's try to place children in homes where the reunification process will be facilitated much easier meaning local race matching homes. Bio parents can also request race matching homes if that is possible, if it is not possible locally the kids will go to any local foster home who is willing to take them. If no local homes are available then a neighboring county will be considered. I guess what irks me is when people call from other areas making demands that they are not taking into account the child's needs but rather their need to adopt a child. The goal is reunification and they are not an adoption agency. One of the supervisors in my county told me that when I first asked how long do you think it will take. She even said if you can afford a private adoption be on your merry way and I will give you the name of an agency. LOL...

The foster parent population varies according to the location and the socioeconomic climate of the area. You can have an area with a high number of minority children in care and the foster parents are CC or a high number of CC children in care and foster parents who are minority or not. I don't think you realize the stink that is created anytime a young CC child goes into a AA or Hispanic foster home. Sometimes it's the CW's but the majority of the time it is waiting paparents who are wanting a CC child. They could be adopt only and the child is slated for reunification but they will call and raise all kinds of hell to get that child out of a minority home. If the child is slated for reunification only the child can't be moved to an adoption only home. If it's a school age or teenage CC child very little is said about what home they go into.

AA's do foster and even adopt CC kids but depending on the age and desirability of the child it can bring high drama or none at all.

[Linny]

Sleep:
I am pretty aware of the foster parents' way of life and what can take place regarding the decisions of the system and such. Dh and I were foster-adopt parents for a few years before we went 'adopt-only'.
The children my friend was asking for, were strictly foster children....she had no intentions to adopt at that time; and the children who came into her home then were not adoptable---which she and her dh knew at the time. Regarding visitation, they (and we) were fully aware that it would take long days to drive them to the Chicago area for visits. This was something my friend agreed to do when the system DID place those children with the family.

I think you may have misunderstood that the children she had called about weren't adoptable. Again, they were foster only.

And yeah, I'm completely aware of the system's 'efforts' for reunification. We've BTDT a few, heartbreaking times before realizing that what was 'told' to us at placement, was not really what 'was'. (In fact, the 'system' apologized for 'misrepresenting themselves at placement' for one of the situations we had. )

If the child is slated for reunification only the child can't be moved to an adoption only home. If it's a school age or teenage CC child very little is said about what home they go into. ---Sleeplvr

Oh yes, we know this all too well too....if you only knew.

I appreciate your comments about CC couples throwing a fit about a CC child in a minority home. That, we've not encountered....but I could believe it. What's sad is that anyone from the system pays attention to it and would feel pressured into moving a child from a good home (regardless of color) just to 'color match'.

Dh and I always asked this question and no one could seem to answer it:

If a CW was so concerned about the color matching of a child into our home---or any other home.....why weren't they MORE (or at the least, AS concerned) about a 'city kid' coming to live with a 'country family'?

From our experiences (and we've had a lot, not only with foster children, but in other experiences as well).....we saw that kids who were inundated with 'toys and gimmicks' often used within a city culture---types of entertainment often used....simply because the 'city kids' have no idea (or access to ) about what living in a rural area might be like.)

I mean this: If a kid has been brought up in a culture where going to the movies every other day is commonplace; where going to the arcade is commonplace; where going to the mall, the rink is commonplace for entertainment and mixing with other kids in that environment several times a day.....

Why wouldn't there be great concern about 'how this kid is now going to behave in a 'culture' where the nearest theatre, rink, mall, etc...is 15miles away?

The color of the foster parents shouldn't be the standard to determine if the child is going to be happy......but at least consider the 'homelife' of a child to discern what home is appropriate.....what about the idea that the child is completely used to living a way that's far different from a rural way of life?, KWIM?

However.....when we posed this question in classes or otherwise, no one seemed to know (or care) as to 'why', and some never understood in the first place (though some did).
Still, this was often a concern for us as foster parents----and foster/adopt of older kids. We didn't live the way some of those kids did; and while we took them to events and such----it was quite different than living in a city, KWIM?

Sincerely,

Linny

[Sleeplvr]

Let me try this again...

Placing kids out of the area... even if the foster parents agree to diving the kids long distance to visits doesn't the CW still have to visit the house? In my county the CW has to visit the kids once a month in their foster home. Home visits are required to hopefully eliminate the potential for abuse or neglect and to see how the child has adjusted in the home.

Now the cultural aspect and race. I'm AA and have always lived out in the burbs but I know there is a common thread that binds AA's regarding culture whether they live in the city or the country. We may not have the same resources but I know there are certain things I can expect in the home if they are decent folks. If they aren't decent people a child shouldn't be placed there anyway.

[nickchris]

Linny I am trying to understand, are you saying that a home is a home, and the enviornment ie; city vs country is more indicative of who the child is as opposed to their race?
I gather you are using city vs. country as an anology ? am I going along the right path in understanding here? :-)

opps did not see another poster..

[Linny]

No, nooooo....you're both misunderstanding me here.......Let me try this again.....

First, regarding the monthly visits by the cw'er. Around here, while we were fostering, the monthly visits weren't done...well, I should say, rarely done. I have friends who still foster, and the story is still the same: Caseworkers don't visit monthly like they're supposed to. Also, unless I'm misunderstanding, back then, if the child was being moved from the larger city area, the case was (or could be) transferred to a dept closer to the child. I know of some cases now, where there is one caseworker for the parent, another for the child in two separate agencies, believe it or not.

Regarding the city vs the rural. I'm not saying the environment is MORE important, I'm saying we were always concerned that no one seemed to think---regardless of the color of the child-----that the environment WAS AS important for the child.

Dh and I questioned this more than once, saying that even an older white kid from the city would feel quite foreign in a rural home...meaing that color wasn't the ONLY thing to be concerned about when placing a child, KWIM? (I hope I've explained this right this time??? )

My point is that there was always so much emphasis on the color of the child vs the color of the fp's.......we felt there should have ALSO been concern over the 'way of daily life' the child was used to as well. Does that make sense? (And certainly the way AA hair is done, etc is a given; but I'm talking about the access to some ways of life not available in rural areas.)

To address another point......your comments, Sleep, about the 'common thread in culture'........might be argued by some of my black friends. But maybe we're talking about different things here. For instance, there is--- sometimes--- a huge difference in the manner of dress, for instance, with a black family from a rural area or smaller town (even a college town), vs a family from the inner city, KWIM? Not only this, but I remember well one of the first conversations I had with a new found class mate in college about her choice of music and her way of speaking and dressing....

She is black......and was raised in Connecticut near Harvard. She was often accused of speaking and being 'too white' in dress and even her music choice. Simply, she laughed to tell me--- that she enjoyed country music, and that often other AA's thought she was crazy for this! Further, I know while in college, those comments about 'being too white' were made by other blacks as well. Sad, because she was only getting her college degree like anyone else would......

(BTW...we remain very close to this day.)
I hope I've expressed this more clearly now.....

Sincerely,

Linny

[Sleeplvr]

We are talking about something different. The common thread I'm speaking of is more than something superficial as dress, speech or even music. There are things we share that can't be quantified so simply. Some AA's chose to acknowledge it some ignore it.

The thing about AA's who say they don't have anything in common with other AA's is that they usually strive to distance themselves and ignore the common thread...believe me I know about those folks and it is an orchestrated effort.

[nickchris]

Thanks for the clarification. :-) makes sense regarding what the child is comfortable around, and with.
I heard the same thing said to me too, and I grew up in NY. Had my own style, my cc lab partner and friend called me preppy, I called him rebel without a clue lol. I had a couple of cc clients who while speaking to me over the phone, thought I was cc, they had a good time revealing their thoughts about blacks, and foreigners. lol "Sounding white" is an ignorant statement, in most cases it's based on certain reasons. I hope your friend elaborated on why such instances occur, because it is very interesting, and ties in with what the common "cultural" thread is made of.

[Shai's Mom]

Both my husband and I are CC. I have a grown up bio-daughter who is multi-racial (does such a term exist??) CC/AA/AI. We adopted two little boys, one CC and one CC/Ethiopian.

Race/Color has never even been an issue with us. A child is a child and deserves a loving family. The amount of melanin in the skin is of no significance. A smile is a smile, a hug is a hug, and kisses are a very good cure for tears. Nothing else matters.

People who are stuck in a racist mind-set are so deprived and limited in our world of colors.

In my garden I have all differend colors of flowers. I wouldn't limit myself to just one type.

Children are the flowers in G-d's garden. How could I not love them, in all their beautiful variety?