[nixe1597]

Hello,

we would love to adopt an AA baby and we do not have any concerns about the different color. Some people react critical about that. What kind of experiences do you have? Has anybody already an AA baby and had some experiences?

[teendoc]

As a black woman who is the adoptive mother of a biracial child, I think one of the bigger issues to ask yourself is not whether others might have issue with the color difference. But instead are you equipped and prepared to raise a child of color, since the child's experience will, no doubt, be different than your experience.

To me, that is the hard part for majority parents who are raising black children. It is hard to accept and understand that race still plays a role in our society, and as such you will have to deal with such situations with your child.

There are a lot of people here who have adopted transracially and can give you more feedback. But I just had to chime in that the issue is more about how you are able to help a black child live in society that about society's views about your raising a black child.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by nixe1597

Hello,

we would love to adopt an AA baby and we do not have any concerns about the different color. Some people react critical about that. What kind of experiences do you have? Has anybody already an AA baby and had some experiences?

I'm caucasian and have two AA daughters. People are more curious than critical. I get a lot of "Are those your daughters?".

Before I adopted, I talked to my friends who are black to get their opinion on how white parents would impact a black child. Most said kids are resilient and told me not to worry about it. You have to make sure you're very comfortable with African American culture, though. Because from the day you adopt, you will be part of it. And for the first time, you will be the minority. For example, when I take Maire-Kate to get her hair done, the salon is always full-and I'm always the only white person. I'm comfortable with it. You have to ask yourself if you would be comfortable being in the minority now.

Black babies become black children-who become black teenagers-and then black adults. My one worry when I adopted is that Maire-Kate wouldn't feel comfortable being part of the black community as she got older. But I didn't need to worry- I've found that my older daughter is very comfortable with both AA and other races. She fits right in with her AA friends. It doesn't bother her (yet) that her Mom is white. She has lots of friends who are adopted and I'm sure that helps.

So my black friends were right when they said not to worry because kids are resilient.

What I would recommend is:

1) Live in a multi-cultural area. You don't want your child to be the only black kid in the neighborhood-or in her class at school.

2) If you don't have AA friends, make some now. It will be important for you to have black friends & feel comfortable with black culture-especially as your child gets older. The advice and friendship from my black friends is so important to me. They help me understand issues that black kids face in school & society. And having black friends now will help you feel more comfortable later when you will be in a situation where you are the minority. Your children need to be around black families, too.

3) Find other adoptive parents in your area-your agency will help you connect. It's important for adopted kids to know other adopted kids. Someone who understands what it's like to be adopted.
Because adoption is no longer considered a "secret" and is more popular than ever in our society, your child will probably know a lot of adopted kids anyway. Maire-Kate has 3 friends in her class who were adopted.

Good luck to you.

[cvalda]

Yes, I often get the "are these all your kids?" question, but that's pretty much the extent of it. I am know living in a small town right outside of a very large, very liberal city. When we lived in the city, it was par for the course... adoption across cultures is pretty normal there.

When I was much younger, though, I did sometimes get comments about "teen mothers", as if I were one.

Oh I do get approached but a lot of african-american woman who a) offer hair care advice (MUCH appreciated!) and b) tell me the love the fact that I've adopted these kids.

As for any real "issues", I think it's not so much what I have to deal with, but what my KIDS have to deal with... kids are more candid so they are often asked by other kids "Is that your mom? How come you have a white mom???" This question especially comes from af/am kids! Kids often ask me this, too - in fact, just the other night a little Arabian girl came up to me and said, "Is that your son? I know he's brown." My response is typically, "You're right! Isn't that COOL!" Kids are usually satisfied with that response.

;~) Kelly