[futurefost.mom]

Candice,
Hi , I know you are looking for responses from African American women and I am caucasion yet I just found this thread interesting and felt a need to reply. I come from diverse family and have several different races in my family. 7 biracial nieces, romanian niece and nephew (adopted), 2 mexican nieces and 2 puerta rican nieces. Anyhow hubby and I are adopting to add onto our own family and race does not matter. Just wanted to let you know that if for some reason I was a mother who just couldnt take care of my baby, the race of the parents would not matter. I would much rather an african american family raise my baby than white if that family loved and wanted my baby more. I think it is wonderful that you are considering adopting outside your race and it will also open more doors of oportunity to you because the less specifics you have the quicker you will find your child. We were told that we should have our children (we are adopting a sibling group) before others because we are open with race. Good luck to you and your family!!

[lisa in venice]

I honestly wonder what would motivate someone to go so far out of their way to adopt when there are people literally begging Black families to adopt right here in the US. I mean there is a difference I an adoption sitaution where the child is another race comes up like you are matched in foster care or a birthmom picks you but to intentionally pursue it especially when it is more difficult, slower and more expensive kinda mays you say "HMMMM".

Dh and I in our fourth adoption were offered children of differnt races even though we were actively pursuing AA and Biracial chidlren. We decided that the "right" sitaution was the one we would pursue and race would not be a factor. We never expected to have those discussions because of the relative scarity of CC infants in inexpensive placments. We thought that no one would even offer us a child like that. SInce in som much of the world AA chidlren are at the bottom of the adoption hierarchy so in many places it is simply easier and less expensive to adopt a child that shares my heritage

lisa

[joskids]

If anyone is currently looking to adopt an infant particularly in the state of Ohio, I can refer to an agency that is looking for families for matches with AA birthmothers. You can PM me.

[DnvrMom]

This is an interesting topic and have the say that I have a different perspecitive on this topic after seeing so many white people taking in children of color that nobody else would take the risk on adopting. Children come to us under so many different circumstances. I have nearly grown grand nephews whose mothers are half black and fathers are not of African descent. They are my blood, but look as white and hispanic as they could be. If I were ever in a position to take in one of their children, it would certainly turn heads. I appreciate your thoughts, but am so curious about your use of the term "afro-american." That has been outdated for 20 years or more. If you are from inside the U.S., I'm a bit shocked. Personally, I'm Black.

[nickchris]

Interesting, from what I see children all over are suffering..even here in the US . Biblically; as an Isrealite, Jesus also went to his own (first) and they received them not, then the good news went to the Gentiles. Frankly, I do believe that based on the unfortunate prejudicial stigma of children of color, the darker the skin the less desirable they are (all over the world too).

[bellazmama]

Originally Posted by punchkin

We as a people of color come in a multitude of colors from as white as snow to as black as coal. That's what makes us so special, you just never know what's going to pop out of the oven, so to speak, lol.

I know of an interracial couple with three children: on "White," one "Biracial," and one "Black." As you say, you just never know. . .

The book "Color Complex" does an awesome job of discussing skin color issues within the AA community.

Thanks!
Sarah

[makarios79]

Originally Posted by Yash

Manni,

I can't speak for everyone but as for me I know I was called to adopt internationally. Through God taking some tragic circumstances in my life and turning them into something good and positive, I'm adopting my first son through my state's fost/adopt program. I have a beautiful, intelligent son whose adoption was supposed to take 6 months, we're now 9 1/2 months past that. His SW says his adoption should be finalized in the fall. My son will be 2 in December. Almost 2 years to adopt! It's insane!

As for private domestic adoption, I don't like the idea of getting my hopes up and then the birthmother changes her mind. That would just crush me, plus I'm not down with open adoption, which more and more domestic adoptions are becoming.

So for these reasons, I'm going where I was orginally called to go. Some places where the referral time is longer, but once I get to Vietnam or China or Guatemala, I know I will have a beautiful, wonderful baby in my arms.

As for what my family says about me adopting internationally, well my mother who isn't pro-adoption now speaks up on that subject for me. After witnessing this ongoing adoption process with her grandson, my mother now understands why people adopt internationally.

I wholeheartedly agree with and support Yash for her decision to adopt internationally and I plan to do the same as well. I have posted on this topic before and I felt that my post to previous topics was still relevant so I have decided to repost it....


I not only plan to adopt here from the US, but also from other countries as well. Do I feel bad about not just wanting to adopt AA children..NOT AT ALL! I am often criticized when I tell people of my plans to adopt kids of all different races and not just AA kids and kids from countries where the people are of African Descent. I believe that this is what God has ordained for my life and most black people I know think I am some kind of race trader because I feel called to adopt children of many different races, not just black people.

The sad part is most of the people who criticize are people who don't help AA kids out in anyway or have any plans to help out AA kids....(adoption, humanitarian aid etc.).yet they always have something to say about what you should or should not do. Go figure!
__________________

[bellazmama]

I used to get MAD about how people were ignoring the plight of children in the US while spending thousands of dollars on international adoptions. Then, it was brought to my attention that just like spiritual gifts, different people are called to do different things. It's the same with adoption. (Although I have to say that I still have a bit of a problem with people who are only out for the "healthy white infant."

Sarah

[Yash]

Sarah and Farrah,

I agree with you both.

Adoption is a definite gift from God and we're all called to do different things. We can't all preach to the choirs.

[lisa in venice]

I have not comment on a desire to adopt children from all over the world. If that is your caling, go for it. I DO have a few things to say about international adoption being easier. Having adopted four times domestically with not alot of hassle and for the cost of a single Chinese adoption I wanted to address some of the realities of domestic newborn adoptions of AA children. While there is ALWAYS the risk of birth moms changing their minds and I have heard from both agenices and adopton Attorneys that AA birth moms change their minds more often because family often waits to offer support until after the baby is born, the shear numbers of AA babies that don't have homes waiting for them when they are born means that any of us who are willing an able to adopt an AA child will get one usually very quickly. I have never waited any longer than six months from the time I was approved to having a baby in the house with parental rights terminated. Most of our waits have been closer to three months with the six month wait was because we specified a girl. I get at least 5 emails a year from friends and adoption pros looking to place AA chidlren who have been legally freed for adoption but have no family waiting. If you really fear birth aprents you can only look for post birth matches. The sad truth is the because OUR chidlren are at the bottom of the adoption hierachy it puts adoptive parents in a much less risky position. Secondly while I very much like open adoption ther reality is that AA birth mothers rarely request fully open adoptions. Of all of my IRL friends and cyber friends I only know a handful with fully open adoptions with AA children. For the msot part they have closed or semi-open adoptions with only pictures and letters.

I think it is sad when people buy the hype about how difficult domestic adoptions are but in general it is no big deal to me but when it is people who would generally be the best resource for the population of children who are the most needy in THIS country it does bother me. While I did explore international adoption briefly in our search for kidlet #3 I quickly found that it was cheaper and faster to adopt an AA baby here. Yes foster/adopt is different but straight private adoption is sadly VERY easy because of the numbers of chidlren and the lack of families who want them.

lisa

[nickchris]

Well said Lisa.

[BethanyB]

I think the CC couples or individuals who are open to adopting children of another race do so because CC are not quickly or readily available. In all honesty, it did not matter to me what race my child would be when thinking of adoption. I did NOT want to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars or wait years to adopt a child just because he or she would match my race. I also wanted to adopt a child that was really waiting for a home. There are so many AA children in NJ and many other states who are waiting for homes.

I feel that most AA couples wish to adopt AA children because there are so many AA children available for adoption. It may seem odd to some that an AA couple would spend lots of money and time waiting for a white baby. AA adoptions are easier and less expensive (usually).

Now if the shoe were on the other foot, it may be different. Let's say there were an abundence of white children who really needed homes and there were very few inexpensive and quick adoptions of black children. Then you might see more AA people not caring about race so much and just wanting a child to love and care for. I think it's just the situation that exists in our country right now. But could be different if things were reversed.

Just my thoughts!

[bellazmama]

Actually, I always wanted to adopt transracially. We were on both waiting lists and the fees were the same as for a White baby. It didn't take any less time from approval to placement than for a White infant, either. I just wanted a healthy baby! We got our first referral for a White infant five months after approval, but it fell through. We got our second referral for another White infant six weeks later, but it also fell through. God obviously had something else in mind for us, because the following April, we got our baby Bella!

Sarah

[BethanyB]

I always wanted to adopt an AA child as well. I grew up with AA cousins and my mom was a foster mom. I have always seen AA people as being so beautiful and could not believe that there were long list of waiting AA children. I wanted to adopt a child that was considered hard to place. But race really was not an issue when I finally got to the adoption phase. I just wanted a baby to love. And all children are beautiful to me.

[oceangirlHI]

I really enjoyed this thread, i was actually going to start a similar one because i had an intreging (to me) thought:
Often, Caucasion (sp) parents are criticized for only wanting to adopt children of their own race (if this is what they are only willing to do). So why is it that AA parents who make the same choice (are only willing to adopt within their race) dont get criticized in the same way?
Please dont slam me for saying any of this, I dont really have an opinion one way or the other, i was just curious to see what others thought