[Sleeplvr]

This is an article I found on another website regarding black men. I find it disturbing. Do you think studies of this type will impact your adoption plans?

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/20/na...ed=1&th&emc=th

[Imani68]

Sad. While we have already adopted a son and plan on adopting a baby girl, this has always been at the back of my mind and hope that we will be able to adopt an older AA boy from foster care at some point in the near future.

[sneezyone]

It's troubled me for a long time. This part, the most:

"First, the high rate of incarceration and attendant flood of former offenders into neighborhoods have become major impediments. Men with criminal records tend to be shunned by employers, and young blacks with clean records suffer by association, studies have found."

B/c what it means is that there's no way out of the cycle.


In decades passed, young men could get into all sortso f trouble but they were able to rehabilitate themselves later in life - through education, through work, etc.

These days, you can't get aid for school if you have drug convictions, you can't live in public housing with some prior convictions, and you can't get a job (no more off to the military) with a prior conviction. What's left? More illegal activity.

It seems to me that without a concerted effort made to give employers incentives to hire ex-cons (the same way we did for mothers on state aid), nothing will change.

[AdrienneG]

The article reminded me of why the single mothers in my family were so hard on their sons...and it also reminded me of how the majority of Black men I know are not high school drop outs and have never been to jail...but the few that I know who are not doing well, it all began when they dropped out of high school.

The article also reminded me of how my little cousin (he's 6) has to take Ritalin...not because a doctor recommended it but because a teacher who has no medical training INSISTED that he take it or he cannot be in her classroom. The poor child has sinus problems and whistles when he breathes and shows signs of hallucinations due to the drug. He looks like a drugged out child. The school system just wants Black boys to sit down and shut up...and I am appalled that there is not an uproar over how many AA children are put on drugs to get them to behave in the classroom.

I do know that is not an option for my son. You cannot diagnose ADD/ADHD without a complete neurological evaluation by a doctor trained in diagnosing ADHD.... and my cousin never received that...ever.

[Lexie]

I did see that article......and its very depressing. I do not know any AA men that have had criminal problems, but I do know many that dropped out of college due to pressure and they have forever been underachievers. Really talented guys who are hand to mouth when they should have been executives. At every level AA men have it stacked against them.

[SavannahGirl]

I find this story depressing as well. The issues described in the article have impacted my adoption plans. I think that one of the root causes of the problem is that alot of the young men profiled in the article did not have a positive, consistent father or father-figure in their lives. I've seen the results of this first hand in the neighborhood I grew up in. For some reason, the girls in similar circumstances seemed to do better in my experience. I thought about this often when I was in the adoption process. It is the reason why I specified gender and have decided to adopt only girls while I'm single. As a single mom who does not live near my extended family, I could not be certain that I would have a consistent male who would play a significant role in my son's life. Even after several discussions with a friend who was raised well by his single mom, I wasn't sure if I was up to the challenges that might occur with raising a young black man in America without a father.

[Kelli]

I heard about this report on the radio. Indeed, very sad. I wasn't terribly surprised however, because I see examples of this every day in downtown where I work. What's even scarier to me is that I see a lot of these same issues and behaviors in our young girls/women as well. Hardly a day goes by when I don't feel upset, surprised, or saddened by some of the things I see our youth doing or saying. None of this stuff would have been allowed in my house growing up. For that matter I wouldn't have been allowed to hang out downtown with friends at 4:00 in the afternoon. The fact that there really wasn't a downtown where I lived makes no difference. We couldn't "hang." Even though my parents worked there was no sneaking out. They always knew where we were (home or an activity) and there were big consequences to pay if we weren't on point.

Terrible schools, absent parents, racism, the decline in blue collar jobs and a subculture that glorifies swagger over work have all been cited as causes of the deepening ruin of black youths.

Yup, no surprise there.

[vernellinnj]

I am a hopeful adoptive single mom and I would love to have a son. This article is very troubling as I, too, don't have a tremendous (or small) resource of male role models for my future son.


It's very troubling and I have to really pray about what to do..

[BethanyB]

This article describes a very sad truth about our society. I taught in an inner city charter school with mostly black children. (Some hispanic) Almost everyone in my class knew someone in prison. Either a family member or a family friend. Everyone in my class had seen a gun whether in public or at a friends home. Many of their parents were young and uneducated. Many of their parents didn't speak proper english and couldn't help their kids with their school work. I had a student tell me that he couldn't play outside because someone got shot in the park. Another student told me he found a gun in an abandoned building. These kids seemed to be coming from generations of poverty. They didn't see a way out. They had a hard seeing themselves doing anything other than what their families were doing.

The students in my class had so much anger. They fought, they swore, they even stole from me. Me-the teacher they loved more than anything. I would have some of the toughest boys in my class hug me and while crying and telling me how much they loved me. Crying for no other reason than needing affection.

I tried to inspire my students and let them know that they are capable of being different than the people in their neighborhoods. They COULD go to college. They could be anything they put their minds to.

The fact is, the inner city school systems are broken. Behavior in inner city schools surpress the learning atmosphere. Lack of parental involvment, poverty and the cycle of being uneducated is what is getting int the way of educational and societal growth.

I read an article about a city here in NJ that is one of the most dangerous cities here. It is very small. The article is called "Where Did All the Black Men Go?" It discusses the fact that in that city there is an average population of black males until the age of like 16 or 17. Then the population drops drastically. By the time you get to the age of 30 there is barley any population of black men in the town. All of this is due to murders and black men going to prison. It is a scary statistic that is occuring all to often in cities around the country.

I think poverty is at the source of the problem. How do we fix that? I have no idea. But is saddens me to no end.

[Sleeplvr]

When we were starting out the agencies we contacted preferred we adopt a boy because of DH and some said it openly or implied it by dropping obvious hints. My SW even told me that since we didn't specify we would most likely get a boy.

We knew when adopting from the foster care system it was a 99% sure thing that we would get a boy because black males are so hard to place. I think that's why my county mostly called us about boys. We've had one girl in our home and she could have been placed in a number of places because she was biracial. How many homes are open to black males? Not many.

[BethanyB]

We knew when adopting from the foster care system it was a 99% sure thing that we would get a boy because black males are so hard to place. I think that's why my county mostly called us about boys. We've had one girl in our home and she could have been placed in a number of places because she was biracial. How many homes are open to black males? Not many.

I also heard that there were more black boys in foster care than girls. And I too was open to any gender or race for that matter. (I must admit I was hoping for a boy and figured I would get a call for an AA child since our state has so many who needs homes) My baby girl came to me because I already had her brother.

I have Adoptive Family magazine in front of me and there is an article in here called Daughters in Demand. It is quite interesting. It says that given a choice, many people prefer to adopt girls. There are much longer waiting periods for girls than boys in International Adoptions. It is a very interesting article if some of you want to read it. (It's the April 2006 edition)

[dine]

This article is very disturbing and it has made me think a lot about older child adoption more. It has been on my mind for some time now, and this just makes my desire stronger. Funny how God works things out. I just happened to call the SW yesterday to talk to her about the classes for this. Great timing Sleeps.

[Yash]

It is very sad. But where are the parents? What are they doing? Where are the families?

I live by a high school and I see girls wearing skirts so short if they bend over you would see their goodies and cursing like sailors. I see boys with their pants hanging so low I see 80% of their boxers. They have a big fake diamond in their ear. They are littering and kicking over the plants of my neighbors.

And I wonder what do they want out of life? What do they hope to achieve with this behavior? How do their parents let them walk out of the house like that?

I grew up in a household ran by a single mother that if my pants were too big and a belt didn't make them fit right I couldn't wear them until they fit. If my skirts or dresses had shrunk, they were donated to Goodwill. I left my home looking like a respectable young woman.

My mom made sure my homework was done. I did it at the kitchen table while she cooked dinner. She wanted to see the paperwork from the teacher saying when their were tests and assignments due. My mom was involved.

There was no hanging out with my friends whenever and wherever I wanted to. And I could only go to the movies with 2 girlfriends, my mom and my friend's mom would pick us up and drop us off. My mom felt if more than 3 kids were together, trouble would follow.

I was taught to respect my elders. I could get a spanking or reprimanded from my aunt, uncle, older adult cousin, a family friend as I could from my mom. But today, parents are outraged if someone else reprimands their child. Parents get upset, want to act a fool, if you dare say something to their child. Parents are only human, we miss things are children say and do. It does take a village to raise a child.

As a society, we've become more selfish and more self-involved. We have less time for others, including our children. It's a sad state. We've lost for the most part our sense of community, our sense of family.

I think while the black men are having a hard time in society. The problem is bigger than just them.

I heard this commentary in Decemeber by Ben Stein on CBS Sunday Morning Show and I think he nails it about what's wrong with our country today....

"Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and US constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife. Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I'm a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to." In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

[leaabc123]

The above is a great speech but there is some misinformation in there: neither of dr spock's sons killed themselves. And the quotefrom Billy Graham's daughter is inaccurate. check the snopes website for info (add .com to the end of snopes).


The bigger question for all kids in foster care is why are they allowed to languish so long while parents and family members get all the time in the world?
Our girls have older siblings who they can not be placed with who have sabatoged several pre-adoptive homes now due to continued contact with bio-parents.

Just because the deck is stacked against a person doesn't mean they can't get out or fight. Poverty is no excuse, not having great, involved parents is no excuse. People come from al sorts if backgrounds where they have to fight the odds and they do it. There are no excuses made, they do what they have to do.

[LisaCA]

this is one of the reasons we stayed so active in my nephew's life. his mom was divorced and his dad really didn't step up to the plate, so it fell to me and my husband to take up the slack. so far, so good, though he thinks it's okay to not achieve much academically . He's very intelligent, but not driven, no matter what we do.

i'd love to adopt a few boys esp from foster care, but i'm working on dh. he's just too scared of the other stuff of foster care. Still working on him, lol.