[mom5]

Hi everybody, I am a mother of 5 adopted children and I must tell you it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. But it has also been very hard. Even though you may hear it in your training program, about how you go through the honeymoon period and then you go through the I hate you period and then you go through the I think i really love you period. All of this is coming from the kids because they are so confussed and hurt by everythign that has happend in their lives. Then once they start to love really love you a wall starts to go up with them because they feel such a guilt about loving you and not being with their biological family. I sit back now and think about all the trials and tribulations that we have been through and smile about how close my family is now and the bond of love that has developed between all my children. I don't claim to be an expert but if anyone going through adoption wants to ask my any quesions please do so. I know that this is a very joyous but trying time.

[Iluvowls]

Hi mom5,

I just read your thread and I thank you for your offer to answer questions. I have 2 bio children and have finally had a great little addition placed in my home. He is 4 yrs old and 4yrs younger than my youngest bio. The oldest child is 12. Sibling rivalry began instantly. My question is, how do you encourange your children to embrace new ones. Its difficult to ask them to do this when at the same time, they kinda feel this child has already been given a lot.

Also, I was surprised when he made the decision to call me mom all on his own. I accepted his offer gracefully. I want to know if that is normal. For a child to bond so quickly. Or is this the calm before the storm? Its difficult to remember info from the training classes when this entire process took so long. (About 2 years)

Well, I'll appreciate any feedback.


Thanks, Monica

[Linny]

We've adopted all of our children. All seven of them. I understand what you are talking about and going through. However, we have not found this type of sceniaro to be true with our infant adoptions.
Our children who were older child adoptions (three of the seven) do not wish to go back to bios...or have ANY contact. They DO have problems trusting us due to their horrific life previous to going into care. I'm suspecting...after over six years.....this is something that will never go away.

And you're correct. The classes we were required to take, do little to nothing to tell us that these issues will always be a part of our children....at least as they grow up. Sad, but true.

The saddest and most irritating thing to me, as a momma, is that I never, ever get to 'just be the momma'. I'm always the 'counselor' too. Oh yeah, I know that 'all moms are counselors too'....but this is truly different---as I'm sure you probably can attest to as well.
There is seldom EVER a time where our relationship with the older adopted kids can 'just be'. There is always some insecurity some 'old behavior from long ago' that always raises it's ugly head-----just when you think they've 'shaken' it!!! (And my kids continue to go to counseling whenever needed.)

That is my testament to older child adoption. For a couple of reasons I've written about in other places...and the reasons above, we went back to infant adoptions.....privately. Sure, every kid---adopted or bio is going to have issues throughout their life....but adopting an older child goes beyond the realm of 'parenting'.

Just my two-cents....


Linny