[OllieT]

O.K On May 14th, I adopted my son and now the agency has asked me to adopt his 12 yr old sister. Well at first I said if they could give me enough of a stypend to where we are not struggling financially and also if the child didn't mind then I would consider it. I went through a major battle to get him because of bio-family. I don't know what they have said to her about me and also her bmom is not a fan either. So after having time to think about all this, I ended up changing my mind about adopting her. My son came to me by way of foster care also he was only 3 mos old when I got him, and now he's 3yrs old. I only foster infants. I don't think I can handle a 12 yr old, which brings me to my "Question" Am I wrong for not wanting to deal with a teenager (almost) even when it's my child's sibling?? The SW seem to be very upset with me cuz I changed my mind. You opinion would be very helpful.

Tanya

[Linny]

Tanya......
I think you are wise....very wise. We have adopted seven times.......four have been infants...three have been 'older child adoptions'. Of the older kids........(two separate placements...one was a sib group, obviously)........one was seven yrs old....the other two were six and had just turned three years old.
Parenting an older kid from the system is a totally different animal!!!!! It is not the same as parenting a child that came to you practically brand new. This twelve yr old....has been exposed to the system, has been influenced by others about you--quite possibly. You have said that you have had your son since he was very young...which would mean to me that this 12yro and he have never lived together?
Just because they may be related biologically, IMO...does not make them sibs in the truest sense. Oh yes, through blood, I suppose....but this isn't as if the two of them had been placed together and knew each other from the get-go.
There are soooo many issues when parenting an older child...and an older child requires a lot of extra attention. There are some that would work out wonderfully....but you definately shouldn't be put down by your agency because you carefully considered this and put your son and your family first!!!!!!!!!
You're wise, Tanya.......from our experience....you are very wise and thoughtful.

Most sincerely,

Linny

[Haddaway]

Tanya,

it is so reasonable to be able to identify your limits. it will be hard to not take this child, but it sure sounds like you have some doubts. Stay in touch with her, bee a devoted respite providor, even offer to take her for holidays if no other adoptive family steps up. Focus on your son.