[Adoption_Mama]

Hi I'm new the this, But I do have a question for you all
I'm AA and my husband and I just adopted a wonderful little girl.
She looks so much like us until friends have been, playing with my hussband because she looks as if she could be his Bchild.
Well here's my question
HOW TO TELL HER SHE'S ADOPTED:
You see our child was a waiting child from our state and her mother unlike most of your BMOM did not give her up but she was taken away from her, because my daughter was near death. She was taken away at the age of 8 Months and she was a very very small baby, small enough for my state to take her away.
But they did work with the mother for a long time to help her get her child back and of couse it didn't work because she is now my daughter.
So now tell me how do I tell my daughter the yes she is adopted and when she begin to ask question? Then what
Just how and We tell her we got her because her mother was not very good to her. And no she was not a Teen and she had other children and from what I understand soon of they are also in adopted homes.

[Linny]

We've adopted seven times.......babies and older children. We are a (seemingly) CC couple (for what do ANY of us know our entire backgrounds, eh?).........who have adopted children from Asian countries, CC kids, and most recently two adoptions of AA babies.
I realize that you resemble your baby.......but IMO, the adoption talk needs to be as commonplace as everyday.
I think if children are not given the idea that adoption is 'as great if not more so than being birthed to someone'....then they begin to think that 'there's something wrong with it'....or that it was second best to their mom and dad.
I even talk about adoption to our infant......and whenever it can be brought up to our 2.5yo. The idea of kids NOT being told, IMO, is what makes adult adoptees feel 'empty' and 'not as part of the family'.
Doesn't matter if she looks like you or not......we have CC children too....one looks very much like me....but I would never let someone think that 'he's the bio child, and the rest are adopted'....because it's simply not true. I want my kids to be proud they were adopted.

Buy books about it....don't talk obsessively about it, but let it be as natural as life itself. In our home, being Christians, we even relate to the fact that Jesus was adopted by his earthly father, Joseph, and Moses was certainly adopted.

As far as 'what to tell about the birthmother..........well, I think honesty is best. I wouldn't give all details at a young age, but I don't believe in 'sugar-coating' facts either. Your little one will lead the discussions on this. "Colder, harder to understand facts'....are probably best to wait until teen years...unless there are specific questions that are asked.

Hope this helps....

Sincerely,

Linny

[bromanchik]

Get the book Telling the Truth to your Adopted or Foster Child by Jayne Schooler and Betsy Keifer. It is a great book and full of suggestions on how to talk about the hard stuff.