[Jeskarose]

My husband and I really would like to adopt an AA child. However, we would like him/her to be proud of their culture and learn as much as they can. We're caucasian and grew up mainly in an all white neighborhood. We were wondering how to go about raising an AA child to be proud of who they are and where they come from. Do anyone out there know of any books, groups...anything that we as parents could enroll in. We'd like to learn as much as we can about the AA culture and society. We'd like to raise not only a great child but also one who is very proud of who they are!

We'd also like to hear from other people that are not AA and are raising AA children...or vise versa.


My husband is in the military which includes just about any culture/religion you can think of. We believe it would be a great enviroment to raise a child of different race. We'd like to be prepared when the tough issues come up such as kids picking on them for having white parents....or people being rude and asking why him/her is AA and his/her parents are white. Stuff like that.

Lol....I don't mean to ask so much....we just want to learn all that we can before we actually adopt. If you would like you're more than welcome to email me at Jeskarose03@acsalaska.net.

Thanks so much!! I just love this forum!!!

~Jessica

[34andhopeful]

My husband and I are raising an AA child - And we are transracial couple (I am black and he is white) We are firm believers that all people are equal and your child's heritage is important but he MUST know that its not the color of his skin that determines who he is, but the people who love and care for him are instumental in who he becomes.

Just my ywo cents - take it for what its worth...

[Linny]

AMEN to that!!!!! Well said !!!!!!


Sincerely,

Linny

[newsasha299]

I saw this book in Bellazmom's signature and would suggest you check it out!

I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World


The only thing I would say you need to do is expose your child to AA people to be admired so they know that they should be proud of their ethnicity.

[thewatsonelf]

Another great book I can recommend is Inside Transracial Adoption, by Gail Steinberg & Beth Hall. Both are adoptive mothers and it's very folksy and down to earth, with large sections detailing many cultural specifics.

I also read I'm Chocholate, You're Vanilla and find it very worthwhile as well.

We adopted a biracial baby and live in a predominately caucasian area but I feel prepared to meet challenges. And oddly enough, we haven't had a whole lot of ignorant comments. Everyone, strangers and friends alike, have been very kind and complimentary and supportive.

I almost think I overprepped myself.

[tlcshopez]

Hi, Just a quick--you have plenty of time! We have three adopted AA and four birth C children ages 11mth to 8 yrs. We realized that we were trying to live in a "color free" home--in a "color concious" world when our then 3 yr old birth son was heard loudly saying--"He's not black, he's brown and he can play with you because he is my brother" The child being offered this bit was quickly grabbed by mom and escorted out. We then had a long discussion with our children, but race was not really a "question" until this last year and the boys reached third grade. Jump in, give love, enjoy your family. If you are already this concious of what is expected of you, you will do great! BTW--The hair care is not as hard as everyone expects either

[thewatsonelf]

Our daughter was born with a full head of beautiful black hair. My friend Simone, who is of mixed heritage, has already declared herself in charge of Mia's hair! LOL! I couldn't ask for better guidance either, as Simone is not only drop dead gorgeous, she is really good with hair and does her own.

So far, with Mia only being 2 months old, we've settled on the natural look, LOL. It's somewhere between bed head and car seat head.

[Missy M]

I have a question....one that I have always wondered about but am aprehensive about asking. Let me begin by saying I am not a racists nor is it a racists question; in fact I am a very proud AA woman married for 27 years to a Caucasian honey. We have 3 bi-racial kids together. While none of that qualifies me for anything special I am giving you an insight as to who I am so that no one will feel that I am saying anything negative by asking this question....OK?
My question is for anyone but really for the 1st postee in this thread; you stated "my husband and I are Caucasian and want to adopt an AA child." Why? My question is simply why? If you are seeking to adopt why have you sought to adopt a specific race so different from your own?
I never looked for a particular race or color of man to marry, I feel in love with a man who happened to be tall,sexy,successful, gentle, my soul-mate, my destiny and BTW: white. It just happened. He, on the hand dated black girls /women almost exclusively in high school and college, so our approaches to this situation were very different. I guess thats kinda the basis for my question here....why are you approaching adoption from that angle?
Please don't blast me.....I just want to understand...Thanks, Missy

[nursefriendly]

I've heard that it is very difficult for Caucasians to adopt Caucasian babies. There are not enough babies to go around domestically. Some families who really want a baby to love and want to adopt domestically, decide that they can raise an AA child. They are hardly ever adopted. Many agencies offer incentives such as lower cost, no upfront fees etc. in order to provide AA children a home. BTW I am AA, please correct me if I am wrong.

[bellazmama]

Hi!

BTW, I was so proud to see myself quoted in this thread!!! Does that mean I've "made it"? LOL (O.K.--My head is back down to its normal size.) Teeheehee.

Here is our situation and how we came to adopt transracially:
We went on our agency's waiting list for a "healthy White infant" in Dec. 2000. In April 2001, we were matched a couple of weeks before the mom's due date. She decided to parent. Then, in May 2001, we were matched again a week before the second mom's die date. She, too, decided to parent. We were devestated. We took our profile out of circulation for a few months to regroup and get right with God. (I was physically sick and a bit pissed off at all this disappointment.) In Oct. 2001, we went back on the waiting list, but THIS time, we also went on the "healthy Black/Biracial infant" waiting list. We also specified that we preferred a girl and that we ABSOLUTELY did NOT want to be notified until after the baby was in interim care. Well, in March 2002, we were told about Bella and in April 2002, we brought her home forever!!! We just had to allow God to work in his own time and in his own way. Also, another family who had been waiting longer than we had received a healthy AA baby boy that wouild have been ours had we not been so specific in our desires. That little guy is EXACTLY like his adad!!! (Well, except for the REALLY dark tan--lol.)

So for us, the wait was not any longer or shorter for either race and at our agency the costs were EXACTLY the same.

Just my two cents' worth.

Blessings!
Sarah

[Missy M]

Thanks to the ladies who answered and thank goodness that I wasn't blasted by anyone. I was just curious as to why anyone would be that exact about wanting to adopt trans-racially.
Bellasmom....I didn't think of you when I asked this question; maybe b/c she is bi-racial as opposed to AA; I don't know. Someone recently told me that the costs in certain area's are much lower for AA babies because they are harder to place and thats deplorable! I don't think price should be a factor in the adoption of ANY baby. I ask myself if the cost difference WASN'T a factor would these babies still be chosen?? Thank Greatness(and these A-family's) that they were, but gosh I just don't think it should be a reason.
The funny thing is that not only did I place an AA child, but the two AA couples that I know personally who've adopted both have babies of mixed(AA /C) race! These kids are not AA only. Personally speaking, after 31 years I have only met 2 other AA females who placed. Its simply NOT DONE...or at least NOT DISCUSSED. The babies are either raised by the family, aborted or simply kept and raised in hardship homes. I ignorantly didn't think there were ENOUGH AA babies....certainly not enough to lower costs as an incentive for adopting.
Thanks for the lessons....thanks for not getting angry! Missy

[Linny]

I'm going out on a limb here, because I know our ideas aren't the 'norm'. But, the question was asked, "why would a caucasian couple decide to adopt AA babies"......and I feel the need to answer (though it may get me into trouble?).

Dh and I are older adoptive parents. We started adopting at age 23 (we're both the same age.....now 46yo). We lived overseas. We decided NOT to biologically reproduce. Some health issues ( of which aren't important to a lot of people) and the issue of over-population brought us to this decision back when we were little kids.
While living overseas, we were told that the children who were Asian/AA were terribly neglected when not parented.....that homes were very, very hard to find, because of their ethnicity. We tried to do this. The agency would not allow it. We simply wanted a baby soon.....and babies that many people would not consider adopting. I had a college friend (who I met while living overseas)......that came over with three children....and left with six. She and dh were AA. They were allowed to adopt the children of which I spoke.

So.....the agency allowed us to adopt through Korea. After one year (the agency's requirement before adopting again), we approached the agency about a second child. They stated to us,"Oh....now you are wanting to adopt a caucasian baby?!"

"No", was our answer. We wanted to adopt another Asian baby. Long story short, we found our next baby on our own (through the grace of God.... ).

Years later, we decided on older child adoption. Any child of color that we were interested in......just wasn't one that came.....oh, not by our choice......more that of subtle selectiveness of the state system. (They're not supposed to do this.....but they did and still do.)

So, then, we had two Asian pre-teens, two caucasian children, one child who appeared to be more multi-racial (though the state listed him as caucasian, like there was something wrong if he wasn't ......another of my pet-peeves.....another story).

After realizing we did not want to do older child adoptions anymore......we returned to private, domestic adoptions. Neither of us would even consider adopting caucasian babies. We embrace the difference of transracial adoptions. We believe non-caucaisan babies are beautiful. I have always presumed that my family ethnicity involved African Americans, when looking at very old family photos (though I am white). Close friends of ours throughout the years have been AA.

And finally..........AA babies are considered harder to place within agencies. We don't want to stand in line with adoptive couples who feel they can only parent CC children. We have always been different; and want to continue to do so. If a birthmom wants to choose adoptive couples who are AA for her AA baby....that's great. We understand. But, our youngest baby is AA. Her birthmother chose us over a muti-racial couple. I don't know why; but she did. In searching for another (and probably last) baby, it is very important to us to have another AA or bi-racial baby. We won't even submit for caucasian babies, though we've been asked. Let those couples who feel they can only raise CC babies, be the ones presented to those situations.

I realize the reasons I've written may not make any sense to many. I suppose the bottom line might be, that we never wanted children who looked like us. We wanted the children that many would not consider. While we have two special needs kids, we do not feel open to severe special needs---which many other people will only adopt exclusively.

As my dh says, 'Everyone has their niche. Everyone has their thing, their capabilites of what they can and can not handle.' Adopting transracially has always been 'our thing'. It was never a consideration to adopt children that seemed to physically look biologically ours.

Sincerely,

Linny

[OneDayataTime]

My husband, who is Hispanic, and myself, caucasian have adopted two kids - one biracial(AA/Caucasian) daughter and one Romanian, son. We were open to any kids God puts in our family. Our little girl is wonderful! She has asked questions and we just point out that everyone in our family is a different color OUTSIDE. But God looks on the heart and we all love Him and have much more in common that we have that is different.

The only challenge I've had is hair! But thanks to some good friends I can now braid - bead and all kinds of good stuff. It's alway fun to learn new things!

Bless all of you. My best advice is to let God show you which kids are yours and don't worry about anything else.

Sandy

[tlcshopez]

I have 3 AA adopted children and 4 birth children. We did foster care and in the county of VA where we fostered the ratio was about 80% minority children in care and about 85% cauc. families fostering. As a parent you can be selective about "who" you are willing to have in your home. If you say cauc. you "might" get a call. The fewer restrictions you place on the agency, the sooner and more frequently you get called. We got a one day old AA girl and after three years of termoil and birth parent visits we adopted her and two of her brothers. Her brothers were actually with an AA foster family who chose not to adopt. We really didn't know why, we just offered to keep them all together. I think every situation is unique. I have many friends who have adopted AA and we all get to similar places from very different corners

[Missy M]

Wow, I am so informed by your posts. I actually thought this would become a bit nasty and I am so grateful that it didn't. Thanks to each of you who are in this unique situation for taking the time to educate me. I honestly wasn't passing judgement with my question and I have no problem with trans-racial adoption; I just wondered why the thread starter said we have decided to adopt AA, and I see now the reasons are varied and very valid. As I said, I have a couple of friends, one is actually a distant cousin who adopted, and who are both AA couples and each has bi-racial kids. One of the reasons my daughter feels so out of the loop is that even in her support group, she is the only AA adoptee; lots of bi-racial, but no other AA's. Its just difficult to imagine that on the one hand I don't know of any other AA adoptee's and on the other, I hear there's a shortage of homes for AA kids.....confusing huh? Thanks so much......Missy