[childrenarelife]

My husband and I have the opportunity to adopt a bi-racial baby, not due until August (mother is caucasian, father is AA). The mother goes to my in-law's church and is only 15 years old. My husband and their family have known this girl for many years and she feels comfortable knowing her child will be in a good Christian home. I guess my questions are, how did any of your families deal with adoption of an AA or Bi-racial child? Is there truly a lot of criticism for this? We honestly just want to have a family and we have a lifetime of love to give to a baby no matter what race they are. What effects of having a child of a different race have on you and the people around you? Any input is welcome! Thanks!

[weas123]

My husband and I are both caucasian and we have adopted a hispanic little girl. We couldn't love her more and are so thankful for the diversity she adds to our family. Sometimes in public we get a lot of stares or they ask her, "Where is your mommy?" We have even had people ask us, "Where did you get her?" I quickly reply, "at home." We have really tried to get involved with community activities around her culture and the rest of the family has enoyed it too! I guess there will always be uneducated people who ask silly questions or give strange looks but we found that it really doesnt matter what color you may be. in fact, it has been a great thing for all of the family. We feel sooooooo lucky to have her in our family!!!

[ellia3]

Well if I were you I really wouldn't be concerned about what other people think or will say? However, this is something that your immediate family needs to seek first the Kingdom of God to confirm if your family can give this child of another race the unconditional love that God has given you. If your family is able to love this child and provide a safe, christian home and train this child up in the ways of the Lord, that is all that matters.

[Linny]

I would agree with what has been posted already. My husband and I 'appear' caucasian (I say this because who knows all of their generations and frankly, I enjoy being the 'Heinz 57".)
At any rate, we have adopted children of another 'race' and culture. Our first child was born in Korea, our second in Japan, our youngest now is AA.
It is important (to a point) how your family will deal with this; however, I do not think their thoughts and values should be extremely important-----AS LONG as you have some sort of family support somewhere.
It seems that as this society claims to become more enlightened, it really seems to become more segregated. The two children I have mentioned first, above, are now grown. They do not feel that they are from another culture or country.....but their comments are 'We are American!'.
I would greatly encourage you to watch the tape (show) that Barbara Walters did a year ago called, "Born in My Heart". Transracial and international adoption is discussed quite a bit and the words come from the grown adoptees themselves. Much different from some of the 'politically correct' junk some claim these days.
In raising a child different (in some ways....) from yourself, you both will have to allow stupid comments from ignorant people 'slide off your back', and realize that those same comments might come whether your child had different pigmentation, or something else 'noticeable' from you. BUT......some people will ask questions simply to 'learn', I think. I have learned to be more open about our family in adoption and believe that some people might never ever know 'facts from fantasy' if I don't politely explain sometimes. (After awhile, I think I can tell the 'jerks' from the 'innocently curious and thoughtful'.)

I could go on more, but I think you should not only pray, but check in your heart. We did not want, nor would we adopt a caucasian baby for many reasons (we're waiting for another baby now). Once you are a 'transracial family'.....you will always be a 'transracial family'. It is a permanent change, and one I prefer. Raising a baby is still 'raising a baby'. The skin color may be different, special considerations of hair and skin; certain characteristics will become a part of your family that were not there before-----but you will be a family. How this is viewed with your eyes....will be determined by how this is viewed from your hearts.

Please feel free to private message me if I can be of any help.

Sincerely,

"Linny"

[mckenna]

i am in the process of adopting my bi-racial foster son. other foster parents and i have formed our own mini support group and the children are of all different races. this is helpful to me because i can learn how others handle diffent situations and learn from their experiences. people have given me trouble about what i have choosen to name him because they say he is not an irish catholic (his name sounds irish catholic). my reply is yes he is. now that he is adopted by me, he is part of an irish catholic family. that being said. it is very important to me that he is culturally diverse, and i will never ignore or discount his aa heritage nor his italian heritage (birth mom is italian). while he is only 1 1/2, i have already started looking at schools in the area that have culturally diverse student populations as well as curriculm. i realize that we will face questions the rest of our lives, but the most important part for me is that we always have an open line of communication and he has the strenth and conviction to answer any quesitons thrown at him. i am not sure if i answered your question, but i can tell you one thing, i would not change one bit of my son.

[Rainbow mom]

Make sure in your heart that you are ready for the comments and remarks from people who don't even know you. My kids are from three different race's mixed with Caucasian. My husband and I are both caucasian. You have to be your childs first line of defense against ignorance.

You have to realize the the parents brave enough to cross racial barriers are pioneers and there will be more and more parents to do this. You're not the first or the last. Try and feel out your family to see if there will be issues and if you are willing to live with or without some family members in your life. Search your heart.

I thought I was very non-racist then we adopted our AA daughter. On my way home one night I was going through a "bad" neighborhood and I saw two AA boys hanging out on the corner. My first reaction was to lock my door, My second reaction was to burst into tears. Those boys were around the same age as my own two at home and I had pre-judged them because of the color of their skin. They were no more a threat to me than my own boys. I was so ashamed. It really forces you to be racially aware! I hope no one judges me for reacting to my "old tapes" I just wanted to point out things that may come to your heart.

Consider moving to a culturally diverse neighborhood so you children will have kids to play with that look like them. Our neighborhood is a great mix of many cultures.

[Sara Joy Edgemo]

I was adopted in 1977 two days after I was born. My dad is white and my mom is Indain. I am Bi-Racial mixed with black and white and my thoughts on this subject is that if in fact it dosen't matter to both of you, then it dosen't matter at all.

My family rasied me to beleive in myself. Color or race has never mattered to me. So when people ask me what race I am, I say both because what you see is what you get. I am Sara and I love my parents more than anything in the world.

In order for the world to get passed this color line more people have to realize that color/race dosen't define what really lives inside someone.

My parents had two children of there own and have never treated me any different. They taught me that with family, you can make it through anything.

I am very blessed to have been adopted to such a loving family. and if you and your husband are serious about adopting this child, then do it and do because it is something you want to do. Poeple no matter what race will say anything, but in the end family and love wins!

My mother said her biggest trouble was my hair. I've answered questions at school from kids, but never had any problems growing up.

My thoughts about this subject is that if I had a chance to adopt, it wouldn't matter to me either.

Good Luck and if you do, do this just raise that child the best way you know how because life is a miracle!

[Linny]

Sara Joy......I think you've said it best!

Thanks for your imput!

Sincerely,

Linny

[childrenarelife]

Thank you all for your replies. We really appreciate all that was said and take it all to heart. Sara, thank you also in letting us know how it was for you in a different point of view of how our child will feel and possibly deal with others and our world. You are the same age as I am so I really take to heart that you cared enough to answer my post. Thank you! I believe that children are a gift from God and that the color of a person's skin doesn't matter it is what's inside that counts. My husband has a cousin who is bi-racial (mother is Caucasian and father AA) and she is just awesome and has everything going for her and we learn from her examples all of the time. We feel a calling for adoption as we have been married for almost 3 years and no kids yet...but we also realize that it's all in God's time too. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) which hinders me from getting pregnant. It saddens us, but our doctors have hope...but we also feel that there is a reason this child and situation has been put upon us and that God has a plan...He always does. Thank you all again for your kind words and encouragement...we no longer look to this event being leery, but with hope and excitement!

God Bless!
Shannon

[Bobby]

Hello,
I just read your note on adopting a child who is of biracial background.
We have two children, age 91/2 and 51/2 who are brothers through adoption. Both are biracial. We are caucasian adoptive parents.
We have encountered many situations that we have had to deal with. most of the situations are based on curiousity since we are a blended family. My husband is quite dark with black hair and i am very fair. I have encountered personally some hurtful comments that I have had to deal with. We have taught the boys to be proud of their race and looks and given them the tools to cope with it. I started with our oldest child when he was quite small. We also have joined an adoptive group of children from the Caribbean , etc. and this has been a tremendous support for the entire family. We tend to stop traffic sometimes and I try to deal with the stares and the inappropriate comments with a sense of humour but also have put a stop to invasive questions. We have role played so that the boys know how to answer the questions and to allow them the power to put a stop to inappropriate questions. The boys are healthy and loved and I think we try our best to keep an open communication with them. Best of luck with your adoption - you won't regret it.
Bobby

[talk2danielle]

If people around you are concerened then keep them at a distance.If people passing through your life are concerened then forget them.Love and enjoy your child.Best of luck

[mgonza1]

I don't know if this helps...
my husband is Mex..
I am caucasian..
we have two boys.. not adopted..
and they are def in the middle..
When my older son was lil.. one time we were in Costco's.. large warehouse type store.. my husband was way down at the end of the aisle.. I was at the same end as my son..
And the lady who was handing out samples.. she turns to my son..and asks with concern, "where's your mom lil boy?"
Standing right next to him, I replied with a smile, "right here."

That happens once in a while.. but I don't mind.

I am on this forum because I have a half sis who was adopted..

[reneeof3]

My husband is AA, I'm white. Just because you say bi-racial, does not mean "AA/white". I have two biological sons who are biracial of Hispanic/white mix, and our adoptive daughter is biracial, AA/white. When I was married the first time and had my sons, THEY preferred to be referred to as "Hispanic" and that culture, and I supported that. I never questioned their reason, but now that they are grown, it's not even discussed, nor was it ever a problem when they were young. I never was asked if they were mine even though I'm very pale and they are "mocha" color, just like our adopted daughter.

My point is that just don't worry so much. I think a lot has to do with where you live too. We live in a VERY culturally diverse area of the Country, one of the reasons the birthmother wanted us to adopt her AA/CC baby because her part of the Country this baby would have been very unaccepted by friends, family and she would have to leave the area. Very sad.

With my daughter when we go out, most people just say how beautiful she is and doesn't question if it's mine. As your child ages, its of paramount importance that you educate him/her about both races and expose the child to other children of the same race, and also adopted children as well if possible. It will help your child develop and grow with more understanding of his/her culture and that being adopted is something to be proud of. There are a lot of good books too on this, and PACT Alliance is an agency in CA that not only places national/international babies, the owner is an author with personal experience, but they also offer a wonderful array of books, classes, seminars.

[joymom]

We are caucasian parents of two incredible boys (one bi-racial and one a/a) and we live in podunk-ville (rural). We have tried a couple times to move to a more diverse area (there is a large hispanic community here, but few african americans) but cannot because of job concerns and because the door has closed for other reasons. Truth is, we have encountered must LESS trouble than we expected (we get a lot more looks & questions when we visit the big city). All comments (to our faces, I realize) have been curious, not bigoted. Our kids are just "one of the gang" and incredible secure in who they are. We don't underestimate needing to be vigilant about helping them value their ethnicity, and helping them deal with negative situations they'll encounter...but we wouldn't make a different choice. They are incredible kids. Talk to people, read books on transracial adoption, etc.

[Sidswife]

My husband and I are an interracial couple with one biological son. We are looking to adopt an AA or biracial infant. We live in a very rural area as well. My husband is one of about five to ten black people who live in the entire town and surrounding area. I think the arguement of living in a diverse area is ligit, however, unimportant. We have not encountered ONE strange look or cross comment. I think that if you stand your pplace in the community as a positive one, people look at how you act, keep your yard etc. way more than how you look. I know that there is true ignorance out there but you just need to ignore it. Stay aware, of course, but be who you are and live your life! We moved to the area b/c my husband and I both grew up in the country and wanted horses. We could not have both worlds so we choose and I am so greatful that we did. My husband was the only AA male student in his high school and did endure very few problems. However, this made him stronger and wiser to the world around him.